Category Archives: Funky Fresh Fridays

ZIKA isn’t Real!

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If you think ZIKA is real, then you are a fool. If you think it’s all over Miami, then you are an even bigger fool!

Let’s travel to the birthplace of this ZIKA conspiracy, the Rio Olympics which just ended. Out of over 10,000 athletes (thanks, Wikipedia) how many do you think came home with ZIKA???

ZERO, zero came home with ZIKA! (Not just home to America, home to everywhere).

Everyone has been freaking out about ZIKA in Wynwood and Midtown. Everyone except the people who live and work there, because they know the truth: ZIKA is not real. And now it’s in Miami Beach??? Where will it head to next???

My phone even told me that the new Joe Robbie Stadium [AKA Pro Player, AKA Land Shark, AKA Sun Life, AKA Dolphin Stadium, AKA Hard Rock Stadium] has special mosquito protection, even though it’s way out of the current “ZIKA Zones.” All this ZIKA-talk is just the dirty media trying to scare us and keep us indoors.

This is why I never watch the news. When’s the last time you watched the news and saw a happy story? Maybe in the good old 1900’s, since then it’s all just a bunch of scare tactics! Here’s three examples of things you may hear on the news, today:

[1]
NEWS ANCHOR: Is it safe to drink your water? Find out tonight at 10pm on ___News!

YOU: At 10? It’s not even 10 am and I’m thirsty now. I have to wait 12 hours to drink water???

 

[2]
NEWS ANCHOR: Is it going to rain today? Find out next week on the morning news at 4am.

YOU: What? Next week, for today’s forecast?

 

[3]
NEWS ANCHOR: Is it safe to go outside? NO, it’s not! Lock your door and watch our news show at 6 pm

YOU: OK!

 

Back to your regularly scheduled ZIKA learning:

Last Saturday, I was in Wynwood and Midtown all day (from 1 pm till 10 pm) and in those 9 hours I saw zero mosquitos. I wore my long-sleeve Columbia fishing shirt, (I spelled that right. I’m talking about the outerwear company, not the country) because I was tricked by the news.

After spending the whole day in Wynwood, I’m positive that there is nothing to worry about. It’s all the media dirtbags trying to get us to watch their depressing news programs and vote for some dumb politicians.

Each day, they show a different mayor or candidate walking through the “ZIKA-infested” streets of Wynwood with their hazmat suit crew spraying pesticides all over. These pesticides are the real problem, that’s what’s going to get you sick. These politicians aren’t scientists. What do they know about mosquitos?

Don’t stop living your life. Get out and see the world. Because if you don’t then those idiots at FOX NEWS win!

ZIKA isn’t real, but in case it is maybe you should wear bug spray! Also, none of this is real, it’s all just a simulation! And in the words of the great Jeff Davis, “Live fast and take chances!” That’s all.

OLYMPIC SPONSORS (More Sports!)

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Last week, someone posted this article on the Facebook:

“TEAM USA is Sponsored by Junk Food: The Garbage Olympians Wouldn’t Eat”

You can read the article here, if you want. Go ahead, I’ll wait…

If you didn’t read the article, I will tell you what it’s about. It basically states how the TEAM USA Olympic sponsors are brands like Coke, McDonald’s and all these garbage salespeople who make the delicious poison we put in our bodies every day.

I’ve been saying this for a while, but not about the Olympics. Think of any sporting event you have ever been to here in the States (that’s what non-US people call it, “The States”). What did you eat or drink at these sporting events? Probably burgers, chicken fingers, pizza, all the delicious and fried things. You probably washed it all down with an ice cold Coke and a smile, or a Pepsi or some other liquid garbage.

*Side Note:
Lately, I like to stick to Sprite, 7-UP and Sierra Mist because they’re clear. Sometimes I add some grenadine to make a Shirley Temple. It seems like there are less toxins in a clear soda, or maybe they’re just better at hiding it. Maybe it’s all in those tiny bubbles?

*Back to the other thing:
If you’re over 21 you probably drink a bunch of beer at sporting events and before going inside during what we call “Tailgating.” Everyone likes to get wasted on beer and scream at their team. Some like to scream at the other team or their fans. That’s how fights happen and people get kicked out, or banned for life.

Sometimes you don’t get to go to the game, instead you’re watching from home on your TV. What do you see? A bunch of commercials from sponsors, 90% of which are all junk food and beer. Maybe sports should be sponsored by the stuff the athletes eat and drink. Not only are you watching other people exercise while you sit on your lazy butt, you’re also consuming an endless amount of calories while they are trying to burn almost half of that amount.

That’s just my opinion on sports and sponsorships, now here’s what I thought after reading this article. I know what food I should be eating, I know what’s really good for me, but I choose to eat the bad stuff instead. It’s a choice I have to live with each and every day. Maybe I should have eaten a salad for lunch the other day, but Jimmy Jamz sounded way better.

Some days, or just some meals I decide to eat a little better and that’s great. But what is “better” to me, still isn’t good to an Olympian. This guy named many things saying, “Why would I ever put this in my body?” I try not to put things like McDonald’s and Taco Bell in my body. My thirty year old body can’t handle it like my 16 year old body could.

Then there’s other things he talks about that I think of as an “OK” option. Like Greek yogurt, which he says is horrible, unless you eat plain ass Greek yogurt. Have you tried plain Greek yogurt? That stuff is gross! You need the vanilla and granola. (A few weeks ago I discovered the magic that is, Yogurt and Granola. Of course, I’ve been using vanilla yogurt and granola with chocolate chips in it — Not so healthy choice, but it is tasty.)

What I learned from this article is that I could never be an Olympic athlete. Not even for a week. I don’t even think I could eat that clean for 24 hours. Next week, I’ll choose one day to try to eat like an Olympian for 24 hours, let’s see how long it takes for me to buy some E.L. Fudge cookies and eat the whole package (I ate a whole package from Sunday night – Monday afternoon this week, but they were my favorite ones).

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Next week I’ll update you with my “Eat Like an Olympian Challenge” and how far it goes… I’m aiming to start on Monday, but most diets usually start on Monday and end by Wednesday at the latest.

FIRST BASE IS HARD (That’s what she said…)

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[SPORTS FAN EDITION]

Last night, my co-ed adult softball team had their 3rd game, my 2nd (I missed the first one because I was too busy eating Pringles and drinking beers on the sandy beaches of Siesta Key).

We won our first game, the one I wasn’t a part of. I think it’s because I wasn’t there that we won. I am definitely the Bambino of this team. I can make some good plays, but I’m the cursed player that won’t allow us to win as long as I’m around. That’s ok with me though, I’m not there to win, and neither is about 80% of my team. We’re just there to have a good time and go drink beer and eat bar food at Sandbar afterwards.

Last week, during my first game the whole team was there, so I was able to sit on the bench for a few innings which was nice and relaxing. When I did go in I mostly played the outfield and even caught a fly ball that I definitely thought I was going to drop. I’m pretty sure everyone thought that. In the end we lost, pretty badly. We celebrated the game at Sandbar though and I won in pool and the hook on the wall game, so I went 2 for 3. Not bad for my first week of softball.

Last night, I had to play first base, because our other possible first basemen or women were not there, or don’t exist. I think I did an OK job, except for the time I ran into a girl’s face (more on that later). It wasn’t my fault, but it kind of was. There’s too many things you have to think about when playing first base.

[1]
It all starts with the batter. You have to watch them at all times, and make sure that if they do make contact it doesn’t come your way. If the ball starts flying in your direction it’s panic mode, which is how I ran into this poor girl’s face with my face.

The girl was a righty, so I thought, she won’t hit it to me. I was wrong, she must have hit the ball at a weird angle because it rolled right at me. I had to move away from the bag to get it, so I then ran full speed at the base to tag it and make the out. When I started towards the base I was looking straight down to make sure to get my foot on it. I didn’t look up again until it was too late.

When I picked my head up I noticed that I was about to run straight into this woman, who was running at full speed at me. We collided on the base and I’m pretty sure she did a Willie Beamon “Any Given Sunday” flip before landing on the ground. I helped her up and told her I was sorry about 23 times. She was out, so I guess something good came out of that. I made the play.

[2]
On to the next one, once the ball has been hit you have to make a decision. (a) Do I go after the ball, or (b) do I run to the base and wait for someone to throw it at me? It all goes by very quickly, there’s no time to think. Then, if you run for the ball you have to remember to run back to tag the base, and also try not to crash into the runner, as I did in the first step.

[3]
If you ran to the base you just wait. Wait, and hope someone makes a good throw to you. About 61% of the throws to first are ok, but those other 39% are tricky and can really hurt someone, especially me. Playing first base is like playing paintball, except instead of small balls filled with fake paint someone is throwing a large softball at you, which isn’t very soft at all.

[4]
If you successfully make the catch someone is out, unless they are really fast and already made it to the base, but that’s not where it ends. Now you have to look around and make sure other runners aren’t pulling any shenanigans. Check home. See if anyone is running there. Look at the rest of the bases. Look back to the guy on first, if that person is there.

All good, throw it to the pitcher and start all over again. Overall, I think I was an alright first baseman and I would do it again if they needed me to. I may need some practice for racing to the base without smashing into the runner.

I think next week we will get the W! Or we won’t and we’ll still go to sandbar and catch Pokemon after the game.

I basically just explained how baseball works, but I do have a lot of foreigner friends who may not know. I hope you enjoyed this, and I’ll be back next week with more learnings and stuff.


Smell ya later…

 

National Conventions

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An opponent of the Republican National Convention Rules Committee's report and rules changes screams at the Republican National Convention in ClevelandFL title

This week I learned that the RNC, Republican National Convention, was happening. I haven’t watched much of the RNC, but I’ve seen enough to know that I don’t care for it. All I’ve really seen so far was Stephen Colbert attending and interviewing guests dressed like Caesar Flickerman (from the Hunger Games), and a few other people who were there to mock it.

Last night, I watched about two minutes of Trump talking when I walked by a TV that was playing it. I only watched two minutes because I can’t watch Trump for too long. He’s an idiot who is full of crap (I don’t get how some people AKA “True Republicans” don’t see that). I guess every politician ever has been full of crap, that’s how you get into politics in the first place. Before becoming a mayor, governor or senator of anything you have to first prove that you are a dirtbag who is full of crap. Once you prove that, you’re free to hire a team to do all your work for you while you show your dumb face at some events.

I don’t want to talk about the politicians (anymore) or tell you who to vote for (however, I will tell you who you shouldn’t vote for, Donald Trump). I want to talk about the crazy people who attend these National Conventions. Whether talking about Republicans or Democrats, the attendees at both conventions are crazy people.

Have you ever been to an Insane Clown Posse concert? I haven’t, but I have seen some YouTube videos of what goes down there. At an ICP concert (or rally), “fans” AKA juggalos paint their faces, show off their pointless tattoos, start fires, get hammered drunk and probably do tons of meth.

I imagine that these National Conventions (AKA Election rallies) are the same as an ICP concert (AKA Juggalo Rally), except the people dress nicer, they hide their tattoos (but I’m sure they are also stupid tattoos), the fires probably happen at some hidden after party, they also drink alcohol, but maybe some more expensive alcohol and instead of meth they use more expensive high-class drugs like pills, heroin and cocaine.

Have you seen how crazy these people at the National Conventions? They just scream and yell and cheer as some politician tells them lies. They act like teen girls in the 60’s seeing the Beatles live for the first time. Or like this guy…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0u8CvDCoQk

 

Here are some opinions I have about stuff:

If you pay money to go to a National Convention of any kind, then you are an idiot.

Why? Spend your money on a concert or a Comic Con or literally any other type of convention. Go to a antique furniture roadshow, a home and garden convention, anything but this crap.

 

If you put the sticker of any presidential candidate on your car, then you are an idiot.

Why? If that person loses, everyone will know that you are a loser for the next 4, 8 or however many years you keep your car. I saw a car with a John Kerry sticker the other day and the first thing that came to my mind was “Loser.”

 

If you give money to a presidential candidate, then you are an idiot.

Why? Do you know how much money these people are wasting each day? And how much money they probably already have? Keep your money to yourself, or give it to a real charity, not some rich white folk running for president.

 

And now, I will leave you with this…

HOW POKEMON GO SAVED MY LIFE!

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Last weekend I installed PokemonGO on my iPhone before visiting (my not-best friend), Worms. He told me he would teach me how to PokemonGO once I got to his house. So, I quickly installed it on my phone while playing MGS on my PS4 and then didn’t touch it until I arrived at his house.

I went to his house and me, Rizzdoggs and (my not-best friend) Worms went walking around the Granada golf course with our phones, two dogs and my beer. After finding a few Pokemon and wasting about half of my phone battery I was addicted, but also hungry. So, I ran back to Worms house for my sushi.

I’ve heard so many people hating on PokemonGO. They’re angry that it’s taking over the scene. There’s one thing all the haters have in common — they haven’t played the game yet. They haven’t even installed it on their phones. These haters are the same people who hate the idea of an all female Ghostbusters movie, but guess what haters… I’m watching that this weekend and I’ll probably play some PokemonGO, too.

Why do these people hate PokemonGO without ever trying it? I don’t know, but my guess is they’re scared. They’re scared of it taking over their life and becoming all that they do. The game has become a curse for some, but that’s because some people are idiots. Don’t PokemonGO while you’re driving in your car on the highway. (1) There’s no Pokemon hiding on the highway, Niantic has conveniently placed them in parks, malls and places where people walk. (2) It’s not safe to stare at your phone for that long while driving a car.

You don’t need to be staring at your phone while PokemonGo-ing. If you’ve run into a pole, wall or other obstacle then you are also dumb. When searching for Pokemon be smart about it. Open the app, and put your phone down, but keep it in your hand, once it vibrates you’ll know that a Pokemon is nearby. There’s no need to walk around with your phone at your face covering the real world. Also, once you find one stay still, look around using your camera, catch it and be on your way. There’s no need to run around behind it, if you don’t move the Pokemon won’t either.

I still haven’t gotten into how PokemonGO saved my life, but don’t worry I’ll tell you about it now. For the past few weekends I haven’t been waking up early to exercise, or doing any type of physical activity at all. I wake up and eat food and play video games and watch TV, all day. But last Sunday that changed and it changed because of PokemonGO. Last Sunday I decided to ride my longboard around Key Biscayne for 2 hours searching for Pokemon. I must have rode my longboard for 5 km (whatever that means in miles) or more, because I incubated a few eggs on my journey.

Since Sunday I’ve also woken up earlier this week to work out everyday except yesterday. The last few weeks I’ve woken up once or twice and slept in the rest of the week. When I wake up early on the weekdays I don’t do it to search for Pokemon (like other people I know), but I have found some in a few places.

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PokemonGO may not be for everyone, but if you’re hating on it without ever trying it, maybe you should try it out. And if you’re playing and can’t drive in the car without using it, maybe you should delete it.

Culinary Critics

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There are some rumors going around insinuating that chefs are crazy. If you watch Kitchen Nightmares or Hell’s Kitchen or any Gordon Ramsay show, you may agree (I do not watch those shows, so I hope he’s on at least one of them). You might believe in a world where all chefs have exploding personalities and you should just leave them alone. I don’t think this is true and I’ll tell you why.

Last week, I began watching Chef’s Table on Netflix and I’m now on the 6th or 7th episode. If you aren’t watching this show yet, you need to start now. Take a break from OITNB and watch some Chef’s Table, then get back to OITNB if you really need to. I like that each episode of Chef’s Table keeps you jumping around the world following one master chef at a time (not to be confused with the Master Chief). Also, each episode is completely different from the last because each chef has a different story, personality and culinary style.

If you want to know who the real crazies are, it’s definitely not the chefs. Of the 6 or 7 chefs I’ve seen so far, only one was a little crazy. He wasn’t exactly crazy though, he was just an Argentinian hippie. Another one was a bit angry, but he did say he needed to work on that. So, at least he acknowledged his faults.

The real crazy people are the food critics who make a living talking about these chefs. Who are these hipster food scientists, dissecting each meal to write a column about it? And what gives them the authority to say what food is better than the rest?

I’m asking because I would like to have this job. Just eat food and talk about it, all day. I’d also get to create my own strange wardrobe by taking stuff from Urban Outfitters and thrift stores into a secret lair, then sewing them together and create a hybrid clothing line specifically for myself. According to the food critics I’ve seen so far, If you’re all about writing about food, you also have to be all about fashion, but not other people’s fashion. You must create your own weird costumes, that only you can pull off.

Maybe the food critics create these outrageous outfits in order to stand out when they come into restaurants. They want the chef to know who they are. I’m a critic, give me the good food! These aren’t this new breed of yelp reviewers, Chef’s Table doesn’t believe in yelp (and neither do I!). These critics probably attended culinary school, but not to learn how to make wild dishes. They wanted to be able to write about other people’s wild dishes.

Of all the food critics I’ve seen in 6 or 7 episodes, I think only one of them looked like an everyday human. The rest look like they belong at Mos Eisley’s Cantina. They aren’t weird-shaped or goofy-faced, it’s mostly just their clothes that makes them seem different. “And people always scared of what’s different,” someone said that in Remember the Titans (and probably some other movies too).

Since I’ve only seen 6 or 7 episodes, that’s all I’ve learned so far. Also, just from watching Chef’s Table my culinary skills may be improving. Last week I bought some sashimi tuna at the Fresh Market and I made a super gourmet, culinary chef experience out of it. I even had a beautiful presentation worthy of a Kaiseki dining experience. (Episode 4: Niki Nakayama – n/naka)
Watch Chef’s Table and learn some stuff…

HORRIBLE JOB(S)

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Earlier this year, I learned that someone’s actual job at Target is to collect the items that crappy customers leave out of place, returning them to their actual spot. I guess I always knew this was a job at most retail stores, but it wasn’t until I saw the guy doing it that I felt bad for him. I especially felt bad because I was with my friend who had just left an item two aisles away from where she got it when we ran into the guy.

It was kind of sad and happy at the same time, because her leaving the item meant he had to find it and figure out where it belonged, but it also gave him something to do. Imagine if he just cruised the aisles each day never to find anything out of place, what a boring job. What makes his job fun is that he’s like a pirate searching for a treasure, but once he finds this treasure he has to go on a new adventure to find it’s true home.

So, maybe that’s not such a crappy job, but I did think of something way worse now…

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A few months ago I went to Dadeland Mall to kill time between work and going to the movies. I don’t remember exactly where I went in the mall to kill time, but that’s not important. The important thing is that once I arrived at the mall I really had to make a pee pee. I walked in through Nordstrom because I thought, Nordstrom should have a clean bathroom, right? WRONG! I was way, way wrong.

When I head into any public restroom (is it a restroom or bathroom? I’ll keep restroom, because there’s no bathtub), I usually head into the handicapped stall. And that’s for one reason — there’s way more room in there. Regular stalls are so small today, you can barely close the door without standing on the toilet (and it’s usually quite a dirty toilet). Also, in my mind, the handicapped stall is used less, because there are less handicapped people than non-handicapped people in the world (although I’m sure most non-handicapped people use this stall when no one else is around — I mean I do it).

In case a handicapped person ever does catch me in their stall I already have my story. I’ll tell them this, “Sorry, I’m Claustrophobic and these other stalls are so small that I freak out in there,” I think it’s believable. And if it’s not believable that’s fine, you can wait a few minutes for me, I’m sure I’ve waited behind you in plenty of lines in my life.

Back to Nordstrom. The first thing I noticed was that the women had a “lounge,” not a “bathroom” or “restroom.” Even though the men still only had a restroom and not a lounge, I still thought I was pretty safe in choosing the cleanest bathroom in the mall (which I said before. Just wanted to make sure you’re still paying attention). Well, don’t ever judge a bathroom by it’s store (as some people say…). I walked into the men’s restroom to find loose turds everywhere. There was one on the toilet seat, which I can kind of understand kind of, but also not really. How does someone make it all the way to the toilet and still not make it a swoosh? That hole is pretty big, even when the seat’s down.

There was also poop on the floor almost by the front door. When I saw this I turned on my detective mode in my brain. This means someone either pulled their pants down as they walked in because they couldn’t hold it in anymore and poop just started coming out, like a frogurt machine, since the moment they entered the restroom. Maybe they thought they were done and started leaving the bathroom but were surprised by one last turd that hadn’t made it’s way out yet.

Either way, who’s the sick person who couldn’t clean up their own poop? And how did this person poop all over the floor and toilet seat of a bathroom and go on with their day? Someone has to clean shit that up, literally. Apparently, in Nordstrom it’s someone very lazy, because it hadn’t been picked up yet. Or maybe the person walked in right before me, saw what I saw and quit right on the spot, never telling a soul.

I didn’t even make my pee pee in Nordstrom. I just left in search of a new bathroom. Dadeland has a new wing, so I decided to make my way over there. New wing = new, clean bathrooms, right? Maybe not so right. I practically speed walked over to the bathroom, because I could barely hold my pee pee anymore.

I finally made it to the bathroom and some stupid foreigner was standing in the entrance, playing on his phone. MOVE YOUR SHIT! Is what I yelled in my head, but I just kind of knocked him out of the way with my shoulder, instead. What I found in this bathroom was not as gross, but very confusing. I walked into the first stall I found, because the pee pee was about to come out.

As I finally began peeing, I noticed a mountain of toilet paper on the ground to the left of the toilet. It was almost two feet high, but created out of clean toilet paper (which is much better than dirty toilet paper). Detective mode back on! Did someone come in with a baby, but no stroller, so they created this makeshift baby changing station out of soft-sandpapery, public restroom toilet paper? Or was a stupid kid in here who just wanted to unroll all the TP, but had nowhere to put it? Either way whatever had happened in there was much better than the Nordstrom situation, but I still find myself thinking about it now and this happened months ago.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you’re a Public Bathroom Terrorist and you’re reading this, clean your shit up! But if you are a Public Bathroom Terrorist, then you are probably not reading this, because if you don’t know how to poop into a toilet, or clean up after yourself in a bathroom then you probably can’t read either.

Have a happy day and don’t forget to clean up after yourselves…

“Lost Learnings” Coming soon…

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A few weeks ago I found a book. A small note book. On the cover of this book are the words, “The Book.” Where did this book come from? I’ll tell you.

Back in High School, or probably College, I bought this tiny, fat notebook at an Office Depot. I began writing what I thought were going to one day become jokes, but they ended up being mostly joke titles for my future comedy album. Some titles were accompanied by a few meaningless bullet points to “explain” the premise. Reading through most of these I realized either (a) I have no idea what I was talking about anymore, or (b) I never had any idea what I was talking about when I wrote some of these. There are some that make a little sense to me. Others can be workshopped or made better.

Some of these are things I believe, things I’ve talked about to people in the past. Others are things I don’t really care for, but I thought might be funny so I wrote them down anyways. Some are rude and racist, and others are stupid and pointless. But I’m sure about 60% of these can be made into funny posts, somehow.

This notebook was filled out before I ever had an iPhone, because once I got an iPhone “Notes” took over for this book. Luckily, I filled it out completely before the iPhone was ever invented. So, now I have this whole book to go through, and once I’m done maybe I’ll go through my “Notes.” Why would I carry a fat notebook in my pocket all day, when I could just write anything on my iPhone and even send it to the internet for everyone to see instantly. Notebooks get lost, the internet is everywhere!

So, why am I telling you about this notebook? I’m going to start a second type of blog post called “Lost Learnings” which will consist of me reading everything on one page from the book (which will only take about < 1 minute) and trying to decipher some meaning behind what I read.

Ideally, I would like to do these “Lost Learnings” sometime during the beginning of the week and my “Original Learnings” on Fridays, like I’ve been doing.

I guess today’s Learning doesn’t really count as a “Learning,” but rather more of a “Finding,” since I found my lost notebook. (“Ferdi’s Findings” sounds cooler than “Ferdi’s Learnings” right? Oh well, too late. The blog, twitter, facebook page and everything else have already been named…)

So, since I didn’t really teach you anything, here’s my first stand-up special again from a few

years ago, in case you missed it. Look how stupid my hair looks! (Also, just trying to get some more video views).

Thanks, see you next week. Hopefully in the beginning of the week with a “Lost Learning.”

COMMENT ALL YOU WANT… I DARE YOU

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This week I learned that anyone can comment on my FerdingsLearnings WordPress posts, well anyone with a WordPress login, but trust me that pretty much means anyone. There’s no screening process here on WordPress. I have 3 or 4 different WordPress blogs and I don’t even know the login info for two of them. So basically, anyone in the world can comment on these posts.

I actually learned about the commenting thing a while back, like when I started writing these and first received a comment. Something else I figured out at the time was that I have all the power. I am the god of my own WordPress. You can comment all you want, but I have to approve your comment before anyone else can read it.

I usually do approve comments once I see them. They are usually from people I know saying things like, “Keep up the good work man!” “Wow, these are soooo cool and awesome!” and “So True! So True!” among other stuff.

There was one comment that I did not approve when first reading it a few months ago (I actually approved it last week, but there’s a twist. Wait for it!).

Someone had written a very negative comment about a post I made over a year ago about Racism on Elysium.

Side Note: If you go back and read it you may notice that I called out Jodie Foster for bad acting, but I was just being a jerk. She may have been not that good in Elysium, but she has been amazing in everything else I’ve seen her in. So, when re-reading about Racism on Elysium, please disregard my mean comments on Jodie Foster, she is an American Legend and I totally admire, respect and love her.

So I took this guy’s angry comment and finally approved it last week. (See angry comment below)

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The thing is (here comes the twist!), before approving it I found out that I can edit any comment that is written on my page. So, instead of posting the comment as you see it above I edited it to what you see below.

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Now people will read that this person loved my post about Racism on Elysium, instead of reading that I’m a racist jerk, from a guy who calls me a Mexican a bunch of times. I was born in the USA, plus I have never been to Mexico, plus my parents are Cuban.

With so many angry people all over the internet it’s nice to know that we can change that on WordPress just by editing our angry comments or burying them deep within WordPress purgatory, never to be approved.

Now, that you know of all my WordPress power you can write a comment below. Call me racist, or an idiot or a racist idiot. Say whatever you want, and don’t worry, I’ll edit it to say what you really meant.

Was it dumb of me to change the comment, making it positive and then telling everyone about it? Who knows, but it’s funny to me that I can do it. So, as I said above, hit me with your best shot.

Now, I leave you with this, to celebrate the #USMNT win in the #CopaAmerica and also to celebrate the fact that I was Born in the USA!

 

STOP WASTING TIME ON FACEBOOK

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I’m a bit late on this, but I’m glad Facebook added reaction emojis to their repertoire. We’ve moved a long way from only being able to “Like,” “Comment” or “Share.” Now we can “Like” “Love” “Haha” “Wow” “Sad” “Angry” and “Comment” or “Share.” And that’s an extra-large leap forward, but there is still a great deal missing.

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There have been many times in the past (pre-reaction buttons) and lately (post-reaction buttons) where I’ve seen people post or share sad stories on Facebook. It happens every day. Many times these stores are too sad for the “sad” reaction emoji.

We need some “I feel yous,” or maybe a Justin Bieber “I’m sowry,” and even some “that sucks man.” There are so many emojis out there, that Facebook can even add a “Make Your Own Reaction,” where you pick an emoji and write a one word explanation for it. If this was a thing we would definitely see a lot of “poop” on Facebook.

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It’s already awkward when someone posts, “My cat just died…” with a picture of their dead cat (hopefully a before death picture. However, if someone posted a living or dead cat picture you probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference because cats don’t do anything, ever). You don’t want to make it more awkward by “Liking” that dead cat photo. So, what do you do? “Sad,” “Angry?”

I enjoy giving people “sad” or “angry” reactions to posts that don’t deserve it. This really confuses them and they begin to wonder how they’ve offended me. If I did this to you then you probably didn’t offend me, I was just messing with you (because that’s what the internet is for).

Twitter and Instagram need to step it up with reactions and emojis. Facebook is way ahead of the curve, but still behind in the world as I said earlier. Maybe I’m the one who’s behind in the world, because I’m writing yet another learning about Facebook.

We waste so much time on Facebook, but now I’m wasting extra time, writing an article about wasting time on Facebook, which I will later share on Facebook so you people will read it. Thus, wasting your time while you sit around and read this article not really learning anything. So, I guess it’s all just a big time-wasting circle jerk. But isn’t that what life is? Just finding new ways to waste time? Anyways, get back to work and go be productive.

See you next time.

 

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Thank you.