Smoking on Planes

There was a time when people were allowed to smoke cigarettes on airplanes — and they actually did it! Like all of the time. I think about this every few months and it still freaks me out.

I was on a plane a few years back (pre-COVID, but still not too long ago) and the arm rests still had ash trays built into them. They just happened to be glued shut.

A SHORT (BRIEFLY RESEARCHED) HISTORY LESSON

In the year 1990 smoking on aircrafts (to and from the US) was mostly prohibited. Pilots were still allowed to smoke in the cockpit. It wasn’t until Bill Clinton signed the Aviation Investment and Reform Act in the year 2000 that smoking on planes was completely banned. Some countries kept smoking on planes around until 2016 or later.

LINK TO HISTORY

Imagine being on a plane today and witnessing another passenger pull out a lighter or match and lighting up a cigarette. That person would be tackled so fast just for pulling that thing out, and rightfully so. Planes are smelly enough as is, they don’t need the help of someone smoking a cigarette.

“SMOKING OR NON-SMOKING?”

There was also a time, not too long ago when you’d be asked this simple question at a restaurant, “Smoking or Non-Smoking?” Meaning, do you want to sit in the clean part or the nasty part of this fine establishment? And on a busy night with no reservation the “Smoking” section was where you’d end up.

When I was in college people would smoke cigarettes in bars. Today, I can wear the same pair of jeans for weeks visiting different bars and restaurants. Back then, if I wore my jeans to a smokey bar they’d be in the hamper that night and washed the next day. Plus, I’d have to shower before going to bed.

Hotels used to have “Smoking and Non-Smoking” rooms, and I’m pretty sure many of them still do. Some unknowingly, “Would you like to stay in a room that smells like we cleaned it or one that smells like we didn’t even have enough time to change the sheets?”

Thanks to my grandmother I’ve never been a fan of cigarettes. I’ve never tried one and I plan to never try one. I loved my grandma, but I hated the smell of her smoking in our house when she would come over. Luckily, she stopped smoking early on in my life.

Whenever I find someone who still smokes cigarettes it’s like I’m meeting a strange time traveler. Of course, everyone switched over to e-cigs and vapes by now. Years later, we’ll find out that everyone is getting some sort of computer virus in their bodies thanks to all the e-smoking.

THE GREAT DEBATE(S)

Ever since the late 1950’s, there has been an ongoing debate. According to my very quick internet research, that’s about the time the three point seat belt was created. We all know that seat belts save lives, however, a large amount of the population still chooses not to wear them.

Sure, they’re not very comfortable. They hurt your gut. Maybe you think you’re too cool for school (Well, I’ve got a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite… You Aren’t!***). Guess what fools! It’s the law (in Florida and I’m guessing in some other states too. Because Florida is always way behind on the times.) 

That’s the clever slogan around here

The new version of the great seat belt debate is whether to wear a mask or not during the current pandemic. A mask is like a seat belt (for your face). Wearing one (when in public) can save your life (as well as others), but some people are fools or they just don’t care. Maybe they don’t believe the virus is real (It is very real. Just ask Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson). Maybe they just love the current president and think “that [idiot] doesn’t wear a mask, so I don’t have to either?”

Here’s a new slogan for you, “Wear a mask, you stupid idiot!”

By now every person should own at least one mask, so put it on your face. If you don’t own a mask that’s a different story, you should just stay in your home until you find one.

Another problem is that some people are carrying around a mask, but don’t know how to properly wear them. I’ve created a series of drawings so we could all learn together HOW TO and HOW NOT TO wear our masks when in public or crowded spaces.

CORRECT!
I wear my mask/seat belt. I care about my safety and the safety of others.

How to properly wear a mask. Cover both your mouth and nose holes, because these are the two places you can breathe from (Unless you are some sort of fish/human hybrid with gills. You would need an entirely different type of mask with gill covers, possibly two separate types of masks?)

WRONG!!
I only wear half of my mask/seat belt.

People wearing a mask with their nose out are wrong. It’s like wearing just the top or bottom part of your seat belt. It doesn’t count unless you’re wearing the whole thing. Did you know that you can breath out of your nose as well as your mouth? Even if you are predominantly a mouth breather, you still need to cover those two nose holes.

THE MOST WRONG!!!
Hey, look at my mask/seat belt. No, I will not wear it.

These are the worst kind of people. They have a mask on their person, but still choose not to wear it. If you need to take off your mask for some reason, get away from everyone and do it, then come back when you’re ready to be a member of society.

If you have your mask hanging around your neck or off your ear. That’s like driving drunk, you shouldn’t even be here. You’re unqualified to be in public. Who invited you to the party?

So, I guess the point of this week’s learning is WEAR YOUR MASK! And if you have been wearing your mask I tell you this, “Great job! Keep up the good work.”

Congratulations! You get a virtual internet high five! (or two because I couldn’t decide which one I liked more)

***Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) said this in the 2001 box office hit ZOOLANDER.

EVERYONE IS INSTAGRAMMING (…while driving)

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It’s hard not to text and drive, or even not to check your phone while driving. Incoming messages. Alarms. Weather alerts. Sports and news notifications. Our phones do so much more than only making phone calls. Since the invention of smartphones, humans have been using them as a distraction for any time they encounter boredom (most of the time to look at nothing important).

Do you know what people did 25 years ago before there were smartphones to play with and they were bored or stuck in some sort of queue? They would talk to strangers, or grab a newspaper or a Highlights magazine. Other people would carry a book or some type of reading material with them, all the time. And some people would just sit in silence and wait. Wait until it was their turn to do whatever they were there to do.

With our iPhones and Androids and all other smart devices, we don’t have to be bored ever (yet we still are). We have billions of apps at our fingertips to keep us busy. We have the whole internet in this tiny magical box that fits in our pockets (unless you’re a smaller person with an iPhone Plus).

Back to the car and what I learned the other day. Every person driving a car is playing on their phone. And most of them are just scrolling through their Facebook or Instagram feeds. It’s not enough that we can listen to music, podcasts, radio shows, TV shows, YouTube videos, or pretty much any form of entertainment while driving our cars. We can even talk to people through our car speakers (Thanks, Bluetooth!).

But, that’s not enough. Most people still need to look at something. Something that isn’t the road in front of them. Especially while in traffic. Traffic may be the worst invention ever (Even though it’s more a side effect to the creation of automobiles. Either way, traffic really sucks!)

Traffic is the worst thing while you’re in it, but once you are no longer stuck in traffic and you start moving at a normal speed again, you totally forget you were ever in traffic. You can be stuck in traffic for just two minutes and you will hate life and every person around you for those two minutes, but once you get moving you will completely forget that you were ever in traffic and continue on with your life (singing along to whatever song is playing in the background).

Back to everyone being on their phones while driving. How do I know everyone was checking social media though? Well, while I was driving the other night, I was also conducting a science experiment. I was looking at each driver’s phone screen to see what exactly they were doing. That may be the most unsafe thing, not texting and driving on your own phone, but looking at other people’s phones in other cars while driving. But, I had to do it for research purposes (and we were moving very slow during this experiment).

I even saw a few people FaceTiming while driving. It seems that many people don’t really care about safety or living a long, wonderful life. Also, now that everyone decided to get the Uber phone clip on their car you can’t tell who’s a civilian and who’s just an Uber driver (If you would like to know how I feel about Uber drivers, see UBER DRIVERS aka THE WORST… ).

I’m not perfect. I play on my phone while driving too, but I try to keep it to while at red lights. There was a time where I would put my phone into the center console and try to drive to my destination without taking it out. That worked for a few days, but sometimes you’re not sure if your friend has left to meet you at a movie and you have to get your phone out to make sure they left their house. Or sometimes you may need to respond to a message so you don’t forget to do it later. Or sometimes you just think of something that’s kind of funny or may work as a Ferdings Learnings, so you have to take out your phone to write it down in your notes.

I know that using your phone while driving is “kind of” illegal, but there are some small emergencies that require you to use your phone while driving. Let’s try to keep it to when we’re at red lights. Also, don’t go overboard and start scrolling through Instagram. Those posts will still be there when you get to the movie, and you can look at them before or during the previews, but when that movie starts you better put your damn phone away or I will throw it at the screen.

HOW POKEMON GO SAVED MY LIFE!

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Last weekend I installed PokemonGO on my iPhone before visiting (my not-best friend), Worms. He told me he would teach me how to PokemonGO once I got to his house. So, I quickly installed it on my phone while playing MGS on my PS4 and then didn’t touch it until I arrived at his house.

I went to his house and me, Rizzdoggs and (my not-best friend) Worms went walking around the Granada golf course with our phones, two dogs and my beer. After finding a few Pokemon and wasting about half of my phone battery I was addicted, but also hungry. So, I ran back to Worms house for my sushi.

I’ve heard so many people hating on PokemonGO. They’re angry that it’s taking over the scene. There’s one thing all the haters have in common — they haven’t played the game yet. They haven’t even installed it on their phones. These haters are the same people who hate the idea of an all female Ghostbusters movie, but guess what haters… I’m watching that this weekend and I’ll probably play some PokemonGO, too.

Why do these people hate PokemonGO without ever trying it? I don’t know, but my guess is they’re scared. They’re scared of it taking over their life and becoming all that they do. The game has become a curse for some, but that’s because some people are idiots. Don’t PokemonGO while you’re driving in your car on the highway. (1) There’s no Pokemon hiding on the highway, Niantic has conveniently placed them in parks, malls and places where people walk. (2) It’s not safe to stare at your phone for that long while driving a car.

You don’t need to be staring at your phone while PokemonGo-ing. If you’ve run into a pole, wall or other obstacle then you are also dumb. When searching for Pokemon be smart about it. Open the app, and put your phone down, but keep it in your hand, once it vibrates you’ll know that a Pokemon is nearby. There’s no need to walk around with your phone at your face covering the real world. Also, once you find one stay still, look around using your camera, catch it and be on your way. There’s no need to run around behind it, if you don’t move the Pokemon won’t either.

I still haven’t gotten into how PokemonGO saved my life, but don’t worry I’ll tell you about it now. For the past few weekends I haven’t been waking up early to exercise, or doing any type of physical activity at all. I wake up and eat food and play video games and watch TV, all day. But last Sunday that changed and it changed because of PokemonGO. Last Sunday I decided to ride my longboard around Key Biscayne for 2 hours searching for Pokemon. I must have rode my longboard for 5 km (whatever that means in miles) or more, because I incubated a few eggs on my journey.

Since Sunday I’ve also woken up earlier this week to work out everyday except yesterday. The last few weeks I’ve woken up once or twice and slept in the rest of the week. When I wake up early on the weekdays I don’t do it to search for Pokemon (like other people I know), but I have found some in a few places.

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PokemonGO may not be for everyone, but if you’re hating on it without ever trying it, maybe you should try it out. And if you’re playing and can’t drive in the car without using it, maybe you should delete it.