ZIKA isn’t Real!


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If you think ZIKA is real, then you are a fool. If you think it’s all over Miami, then you are an even bigger fool!

Let’s travel to the birthplace of this ZIKA conspiracy, the Rio Olympics which just ended. Out of over 10,000 athletes (thanks, Wikipedia) how many do you think came home with ZIKA???

ZERO, zero came home with ZIKA! (Not just home to America, home to everywhere).

Everyone has been freaking out about ZIKA in Wynwood and Midtown. Everyone except the people who live and work there, because they know the truth: ZIKA is not real. And now it’s in Miami Beach??? Where will it head to next???

My phone even told me that the new Joe Robbie Stadium [AKA Pro Player, AKA Land Shark, AKA Sun Life, AKA Dolphin Stadium, AKA Hard Rock Stadium] has special mosquito protection, even though it’s way out of the current “ZIKA Zones.” All this ZIKA-talk is just the dirty media trying to scare us and keep us indoors.

This is why I never watch the news. When’s the last time you watched the news and saw a happy story? Maybe in the good old 1900’s, since then it’s all just a bunch of scare tactics! Here’s three examples of things you may hear on the news, today:

NEWS ANCHOR: Is it safe to drink your water? Find out tonight at 10pm on ___News!

YOU: At 10? It’s not even 10 am and I’m thirsty now. I have to wait 12 hours to drink water???


NEWS ANCHOR: Is it going to rain today? Find out next week on the morning news at 4am.

YOU: What? Next week, for today’s forecast?


NEWS ANCHOR: Is it safe to go outside? NO, it’s not! Lock your door and watch our news show at 6 pm



Back to your regularly scheduled ZIKA learning:

Last Saturday, I was in Wynwood and Midtown all day (from 1 pm till 10 pm) and in those 9 hours I saw zero mosquitos. I wore my long-sleeve Columbia fishing shirt, (I spelled that right. I’m talking about the outerwear company, not the country) because I was tricked by the news.

After spending the whole day in Wynwood, I’m positive that there is nothing to worry about. It’s all the media dirtbags trying to get us to watch their depressing news programs and vote for some dumb politicians.

Each day, they show a different mayor or candidate walking through the “ZIKA-infested” streets of Wynwood with their hazmat suit crew spraying pesticides all over. These pesticides are the real problem, that’s what’s going to get you sick. These politicians aren’t scientists. What do they know about mosquitos?

Don’t stop living your life. Get out and see the world. Because if you don’t then those idiots at FOX NEWS win!

ZIKA isn’t real, but in case it is maybe you should wear bug spray! Also, none of this is real, it’s all just a simulation! And in the words of the great Jeff Davis, “Live fast and take chances!” That’s all.


Rio Olympics CroatiaFL title

Last week, someone posted this article on the Facebook:

“TEAM USA is Sponsored by Junk Food: The Garbage Olympians Wouldn’t Eat”

You can read the article here, if you want. Go ahead, I’ll wait…

If you didn’t read the article, I will tell you what it’s about. It basically states how the TEAM USA Olympic sponsors are brands like Coke, McDonald’s and all these garbage salespeople who make the delicious poison we put in our bodies every day.

I’ve been saying this for a while, but not about the Olympics. Think of any sporting event you have ever been to here in the States (that’s what non-US people call it, “The States”). What did you eat or drink at these sporting events? Probably burgers, chicken fingers, pizza, all the delicious and fried things. You probably washed it all down with an ice cold Coke and a smile, or a Pepsi or some other liquid garbage.

*Side Note:
Lately, I like to stick to Sprite, 7-UP and Sierra Mist because they’re clear. Sometimes I add some grenadine to make a Shirley Temple. It seems like there are less toxins in a clear soda, or maybe they’re just better at hiding it. Maybe it’s all in those tiny bubbles?

*Back to the other thing:
If you’re over 21 you probably drink a bunch of beer at sporting events and before going inside during what we call “Tailgating.” Everyone likes to get wasted on beer and scream at their team. Some like to scream at the other team or their fans. That’s how fights happen and people get kicked out, or banned for life.

Sometimes you don’t get to go to the game, instead you’re watching from home on your TV. What do you see? A bunch of commercials from sponsors, 90% of which are all junk food and beer. Maybe sports should be sponsored by the stuff the athletes eat and drink. Not only are you watching other people exercise while you sit on your lazy butt, you’re also consuming an endless amount of calories while they are trying to burn almost half of that amount.

That’s just my opinion on sports and sponsorships, now here’s what I thought after reading this article. I know what food I should be eating, I know what’s really good for me, but I choose to eat the bad stuff instead. It’s a choice I have to live with each and every day. Maybe I should have eaten a salad for lunch the other day, but Jimmy Jamz sounded way better.

Some days, or just some meals I decide to eat a little better and that’s great. But what is “better” to me, still isn’t good to an Olympian. This guy named many things saying, “Why would I ever put this in my body?” I try not to put things like McDonald’s and Taco Bell in my body. My thirty year old body can’t handle it like my 16 year old body could.

Then there’s other things he talks about that I think of as an “OK” option. Like Greek yogurt, which he says is horrible, unless you eat plain ass Greek yogurt. Have you tried plain Greek yogurt? That stuff is gross! You need the vanilla and granola. (A few weeks ago I discovered the magic that is, Yogurt and Granola. Of course, I’ve been using vanilla yogurt and granola with chocolate chips in it — Not so healthy choice, but it is tasty.)

What I learned from this article is that I could never be an Olympic athlete. Not even for a week. I don’t even think I could eat that clean for 24 hours. Next week, I’ll choose one day to try to eat like an Olympian for 24 hours, let’s see how long it takes for me to buy some E.L. Fudge cookies and eat the whole package (I ate a whole package from Sunday night – Monday afternoon this week, but they were my favorite ones).


Next week I’ll update you with my “Eat Like an Olympian Challenge” and how far it goes… I’m aiming to start on Monday, but most diets usually start on Monday and end by Wednesday at the latest.

National Conventions

An opponent of the Republican National Convention Rules Committee's report and rules changes screams at the Republican National Convention in ClevelandFL title

This week I learned that the RNC, Republican National Convention, was happening. I haven’t watched much of the RNC, but I’ve seen enough to know that I don’t care for it. All I’ve really seen so far was Stephen Colbert attending and interviewing guests dressed like Caesar Flickerman (from the Hunger Games), and a few other people who were there to mock it.

Last night, I watched about two minutes of Trump talking when I walked by a TV that was playing it. I only watched two minutes because I can’t watch Trump for too long. He’s an idiot who is full of crap (I don’t get how some people AKA “True Republicans” don’t see that). I guess every politician ever has been full of crap, that’s how you get into politics in the first place. Before becoming a mayor, governor or senator of anything you have to first prove that you are a dirtbag who is full of crap. Once you prove that, you’re free to hire a team to do all your work for you while you show your dumb face at some events.

I don’t want to talk about the politicians (anymore) or tell you who to vote for (however, I will tell you who you shouldn’t vote for, Donald Trump). I want to talk about the crazy people who attend these National Conventions. Whether talking about Republicans or Democrats, the attendees at both conventions are crazy people.

Have you ever been to an Insane Clown Posse concert? I haven’t, but I have seen some YouTube videos of what goes down there. At an ICP concert (or rally), “fans” AKA juggalos paint their faces, show off their pointless tattoos, start fires, get hammered drunk and probably do tons of meth.

I imagine that these National Conventions (AKA Election rallies) are the same as an ICP concert (AKA Juggalo Rally), except the people dress nicer, they hide their tattoos (but I’m sure they are also stupid tattoos), the fires probably happen at some hidden after party, they also drink alcohol, but maybe some more expensive alcohol and instead of meth they use more expensive high-class drugs like pills, heroin and cocaine.

Have you seen how crazy these people at the National Conventions? They just scream and yell and cheer as some politician tells them lies. They act like teen girls in the 60’s seeing the Beatles live for the first time. Or like this guy…


Here are some opinions I have about stuff:

If you pay money to go to a National Convention of any kind, then you are an idiot.

Why? Spend your money on a concert or a Comic Con or literally any other type of convention. Go to a antique furniture roadshow, a home and garden convention, anything but this crap.


If you put the sticker of any presidential candidate on your car, then you are an idiot.

Why? If that person loses, everyone will know that you are a loser for the next 4, 8 or however many years you keep your car. I saw a car with a John Kerry sticker the other day and the first thing that came to my mind was “Loser.”


If you give money to a presidential candidate, then you are an idiot.

Why? Do you know how much money these people are wasting each day? And how much money they probably already have? Keep your money to yourself, or give it to a real charity, not some rich white folk running for president.


And now, I will leave you with this…