NOT TODAY…

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I have an important announcement to make. I was very busy this week and am very busy today, so there will be no learning today.

Maybe there will be one this weekend, or on Monday. Maybe I will count this as one and you’ll just have to wait until next Friday?

Who knows? Maybe there won’t even be one next Friday.

Time to go back to work. See you all later.

To celebrate the release of the new Harry Potter book, and Harry Potter’s birthday, here’s a thing…

 

Culinary Critics

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There are some rumors going around insinuating that chefs are crazy. If you watch Kitchen Nightmares or Hell’s Kitchen or any Gordon Ramsay show, you may agree (I do not watch those shows, so I hope he’s on at least one of them). You might believe in a world where all chefs have exploding personalities and you should just leave them alone. I don’t think this is true and I’ll tell you why.

Last week, I began watching Chef’s Table on Netflix and I’m now on the 6th or 7th episode. If you aren’t watching this show yet, you need to start now. Take a break from OITNB and watch some Chef’s Table, then get back to OITNB if you really need to. I like that each episode of Chef’s Table keeps you jumping around the world following one master chef at a time (not to be confused with the Master Chief). Also, each episode is completely different from the last because each chef has a different story, personality and culinary style.

If you want to know who the real crazies are, it’s definitely not the chefs. Of the 6 or 7 chefs I’ve seen so far, only one was a little crazy. He wasn’t exactly crazy though, he was just an Argentinian hippie. Another one was a bit angry, but he did say he needed to work on that. So, at least he acknowledged his faults.

The real crazy people are the food critics who make a living talking about these chefs. Who are these hipster food scientists, dissecting each meal to write a column about it? And what gives them the authority to say what food is better than the rest?

I’m asking because I would like to have this job. Just eat food and talk about it, all day. I’d also get to create my own strange wardrobe by taking stuff from Urban Outfitters and thrift stores into a secret lair, then sewing them together and create a hybrid clothing line specifically for myself. According to the food critics I’ve seen so far, If you’re all about writing about food, you also have to be all about fashion, but not other people’s fashion. You must create your own weird costumes, that only you can pull off.

Maybe the food critics create these outrageous outfits in order to stand out when they come into restaurants. They want the chef to know who they are. I’m a critic, give me the good food! These aren’t this new breed of yelp reviewers, Chef’s Table doesn’t believe in yelp (and neither do I!). These critics probably attended culinary school, but not to learn how to make wild dishes. They wanted to be able to write about other people’s wild dishes.

Of all the food critics I’ve seen in 6 or 7 episodes, I think only one of them looked like an everyday human. The rest look like they belong at Mos Eisley’s Cantina. They aren’t weird-shaped or goofy-faced, it’s mostly just their clothes that makes them seem different. “And people always scared of what’s different,” someone said that in Remember the Titans (and probably some other movies too).

Since I’ve only seen 6 or 7 episodes, that’s all I’ve learned so far. Also, just from watching Chef’s Table my culinary skills may be improving. Last week I bought some sashimi tuna at the Fresh Market and I made a super gourmet, culinary chef experience out of it. I even had a beautiful presentation worthy of a Kaiseki dining experience. (Episode 4: Niki Nakayama – n/naka)
Watch Chef’s Table and learn some stuff…

‘LIKE’ IF YOU READ THESE

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I’ve been writing these things for some time now, and I don’t really know how many people are actually reading them. Facebook tells me that my posts reach anywhere from a few hundred to a thousand people, but that’s just people seeing the post I share, and what I learned from my job in advertising is that only about 1% of those people actually click on what you’re sharing.

I came up with a test. If you actually clicked on the link from Facebook, Twitter or anywhere else and proceeded to read this thing, “Like” the article. This way I can see how many people actually read this. Remember, this is a science experiment, and I don’t think it tells me who likes each post. I won’t know who liked it. I’ll only know that a person liked it, if that makes you sad then you can always write in the comments. Maybe something like, “I liked this.”

That’s all I have for today, it’s Memorial day and I got stuff to do, and by stuff I mean nothing. I got nothing to do. Watch some Netflix, play some games, do some work before tomorrow morning.

A few people have told me they love the Learnings. So, from those “real life reviews” I would say about 4 to 5 people are actually reading all or most of these. That’s pretty cool, but I’m trying to find out if there’s more. If I have a good amount of readers maybe I should start posting more, maybe a learning a week but also something else. I’m trying to change the world here with these learnings, so keep reading.

TAKE ME WITH YOU!

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This week I realized that the last heat game I went to was either during Year One of LeBron or Pre-LeBron. I can’t remember if LeBron was there or not. We were playing the Sixers and it was Black Friday. I know it was Black Friday because I had just mounted my new TV up on the wall that I bought that morning. Miss patty called me. The game had already started and she had just found out she had been given tickets. I kicked my friend out of my house telling him, “Get out! I’m going to Heat game!”  We arrived after or during halftime. So, the last time I went to a Heat game I only attended 50% or less.

Why am I telling you this? Because the playoffs have begun and I still haven’t been to a game this season (or the past four or five seasons). Someone needs to take me to a Heat playoff game before it’s too late, and I’m forced to wait for another season. You’re probably thinking I could just buy tickets, but they’re hard to find during the playoffs, plus they are extra expensive.

Even when we sucked it was impossible to get playoff tickets. You had to get a pre-pre-pre-sale code. One time I had a pre-sale code for Amex cardholders and they held like 2 or 3 pre-pre-pre-sales before they even got to the Amex one. By the time I was able to search on Ticketmaster everything was gone. I’ve gone down to the arena the morning of a game, with all the dirty ticket scalpers and that didn’t work out either.

As a kid I would watch every single Heat game on TV. Back when we were no good. I would sit in my room, wearing my Tim Hardaway jersey, holding onto my basketball, yelling at my TV while watching games. I was happy when we won, and very, very angry when we lost (which happened much more).


When I got to Tallahassee for college there were no more Heat games to watch. We were forced to watch the Magic and the Hawks, so I stopped watching basketball. I still had my ESPN updates and Gamecast to let me know what was going on. Some time after college I decided that sports weren’t as important as I thought they once were. With less free time I decided to waste my time watching my shows, movies and playing guitar and video games.

I still remember the day LeBron said those magical words, “I’ll be taking my talents to South Beach.” I’m sure he quickly realized that the Heat don’t actually play on South Beach, but instead in a much smellier, dirtier Downtown Miami. At first I was excited to have LeBron on our team. That first season I watched most of our games, and all of the playoffs. I would get extra angry any time we lost a game. We had LeBron, DWade and the Bosh-man. And all those other dudes too!

After that first season I decided I can’t watch all of these normal games, because I got too angry seeing us lose with the Big Three. I knew we would make the playoffs, even if we weren’t trying. So I waited until then to watch the games that actually counted.

That year we won, and the next year I went through the same thing. Since LeBron was here and even after he left I haven’t been able to follow a full Heat basketball season. This is why I need one of you to take me to a Heat Playoff game. Please, re-ignite the Heat down in my soul! I am ready to believe in the White Hot Heat again, but I just need to see it live to get excited.

Or maybe I’ll attend a game with a nice friendly friend who decides to take me. And afterwards I’ll decide that TV shows are more important. People actually work hard writing this stuff to entertain me. Sports are just a bunch of well-coordinated high school bullies who grew up and made a bunch of money (That’s not true, some of them are nice. Look at Chris Bosh, that guys a huge computer nerd).

I’m not going to say I’m done with sports, because I’m not. I still watch FSU and Dolphin football, because those are only once a week. And I will continue to watch my Chelsea Football (soccer) matches whenever I do wake up for them. However, movies and TV will take priority, and of course video games.
Thanks for listening. I look forward to hearing from one of you soon about going to one of these upcoming Heat games.