Tag Archives: learning

BIRTHDAYS ARE WEIRD, RIGHT?

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This past Monday was my 30th birthday and if you didn’t say “Happy Birthday” by now, you’re already too late. I don’t care. Birthday’s are weird, right? Especially since the creation of the Facebook. I think Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook so he could have a database of all his friends’ birthdays. That’s not true. Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook because he had no friends and thought it would help, or was it because of his ex-girlfriend, Rooney Mara? It doesn’t matter why he did it, what matters is that he ruined birthdays.

Remember a time before Facebook? I’m talking pre-2004. When people had to remember their friends’ birthdays in their brain, or on a calendar. You would have to call your closest friends at 12:01 on their birthday, which later became a text anytime between 12:01 and 12:15. When you remembered someone’s birthday it was sweet, it could’ve even been enough to get someone to like you (not Facebook ‘Like,’ but like a real-life LIKE).

Then Facebook came along and ruined it. Now we’re bombarded daily with everyone’s birthdays and there’s no excuse to forget it. Also, you have to make a choice:

It’s Stacy’s birthday today! Hm, is Stacy a phone call friend? A text message friend? A Facebook post friend? A Facebook message friend? Do I give her a Facebook post and a text message? Do I call her at midnight, but then write on her wall tomorrow? What should I write on her wall? Just Happy Birthday? Happy Bday? Maybe just HBD, but that sounds like some weird kind of disease. Definitely not HBD. How about something more personal? Should I write a joke about that one time we kissed on the mouth? Should I make her an Instagram collage? Maybe a special tweet?

Facebook has now opened a can of birthday worms, and this can is opened daily. Some days there are like 10 birthdays, and I’m forced to choose my top 2 to 4 of them and write those people a message.

[TANGENT ALERT!] Do you know someone who gets really, really excited anytime they find out they share their birthday with someone else? Hey idiot! There are about 7.125 billion people in the world, but there’s only 365 days in each year, I think you’re going to share your birthday with a few people. Like million of them. (Also, I get excited about this too, unless it’s a shitty person).

When you think about it, birthdays shouldn’t really be that special. You didn’t do anything to be born. Birthdays are like buttholes, because everyone has one. Even Hitler had a birthday, and a butthole. So, that’s two things you now have in common with Hitler.

If anything we should give our parents gifts on our birthday, like the way Jesus does it. He sends his buddy, Scott Calvin a.k.a. Santa Claus to hand out gifts to everyone (as long as you’re a Cathy). I’m pretty sure this is how Santa got his job:

Hey Jesus! What you gonna do for your birthday?

Uh… I’m gonna give everyone presents!

Everyone?

Yup! Everyone! Well, everyone who believes in me.

Well, you better get started. You got a lot of followers.

I’m not gonna do it myself.

What? Who’s gonna give out presents for your birthday to other people?

Shoot! I’ll have that old dude that lives up North do it.

He’s got those magical deer.

You mean Old Saint Nick!

Yeah, him! What else is he gonna do on my birthday?

We don’t have to give presents to everyone for our birthday, just to our parents (but maybe not, because parents each have their own special day).

Even though birthday’s aren’t really that special I will continue to celebrate yours, mine and ours. And I will continue to post on your walls, text you, call you, Instagram collage you, and whatever new technology comes out. I’ll even WUPHF.com you if I have to. So, happy birthday to me and to everyone else this year.

THE END!

#STUPIDASSRULES

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Last week I learned a very valuable lesson about myself — I HATE STUPID ASS RULES!

On more than one occasion I’ve had an establishment tell me some dumb ass, made-up rule, and my opinion about that establishment instantly changed from, “Oh this place is kind of neat,” to, “EFF this EFFin’ place! I’m out of here, and I ain’t never coming back! EVER!” And there are three examples that I can think of off the top of my head, and two of these happened in the past two weeks.

# 1

The first one that came to mind is why PURDY LOUNGE is on my Blacklist (which consists of places I will not go to, and people I will not hang out with). My Blacklist isn’t written out anywhere, but maybe it should be. If I had an actual Blacklist to reference I could have written about endless occasions where a stupid rule has kept me out of places. I also could have wrote about the stupid people who I’ve blocked out of my life.

So, back to PURDY LOUNGE. I had only been about two or three times, and my rating was already a “HmmmMeeehh…” It was weeknight after class at the Miami Ad School (it may have been after a graduation, the one where I did my stand up set). I went with some friends from school to get pizza on Lincoln Road, at PIZZA RUSTICA (more like Pizza CRAP-stica! Am I right? HIGH FIVE!).

After Pizza, we decided to walk and meet some other school kids at PURDY LOUNGE. When we arrived the angry doorman told me, NO HATS ALLOWED. (Which was a big stinkin’ pile of BS, because I’ve seen people wear hats in PURDY LOUNGE. I’ve seen people in hats every time I had been there). I told him I could put my hat in my friends purse and he told me, NO, because then I would put it back on when I was inside.

The problem was my car was more than a mile away. He finally let me put the hat in my friends purse, but he did say, “If anyone sees you with that hat on, they gonna kick you out!” Yeah, I got it buddy, you’re very committed to this whole NO HATS POLICY you just made up. Like I’m some kind of idiot who is going to walk in and just put my hat back on. Then I walked into PURDY LOUNGE and everyone was wearing a hat *.

* I haven’t been to PURDY LOUNGE since then, and I plan on not going back ever. Not even for a birthday.

# 2

Some time in January a few of my friends and I decided we should learn how to Golf. Three of us already own golf clubs that we never use, so we thought — Hey, now would be a good time to learn. After over a full month of whacking balls at MELREESE by the airport, they decided to tell us, “Hey, you gotta wear a collared shirt here.” (and I told him, ‘Come on man! You don’t call them collard people?’ – Michael Scott, the Office, Season 1, 2005)

Up to that day I had only worn t-shirts, every time I went to MELREESE. My friend even wore a tank top one time. So, no sleeves is fine but if you have sleeves, you need a collar too?

If the guy would have told us this our first time, then maybe I would have said, “OK, collared shirt next time.” I do have my team USA soccer jersey which has a collar. But, since he waited over a month to say anything, I say EFF MELREESE! EFF it in the A, and I ain’t going back *.

* I probably will end up going back to MELREESE, and wearing my Team USA jersey, because my friends will go back.

# 3

The third incident happened last Friday. Sometimes on Fridays I go to the Gables to meet some friends after work, it’s for a thing called “Happy Hour” where the drinks are supposed to be cheaper, but they never are.

I always end up at Pasion del Cielo after work to write these things or do whatever work I need to be doing. Then, once someone tells me they are at THE BAR I walk over there and hang out for a bit. I usually don’t stay there for too long, because Friday nights at THE BAR = the worst people in Miami *.

* If you are reading this and you go to the bar every Friday, then you should know that you are a horrible person. But also, thank you for reading this and I love you.

This isn’t about the ‘horrible people at the bar’ though, it’s about the ‘horrible doorman at the bar.’ The horrible doorman who didn’t let me in because I had a coffee from PdelC. Last Friday was also ‘Giralda Under the Stars,’ where the street is closed down and filled with tables and bars. The man said I can’t bring ‘Outside Drinks’ inside THE BAR. It’s a Caramel Macchiato man! Not a glass of Ebola juice!

NO OUTSIDE DRINKS is a dumb rule. Especially that night because they had two outdoor bars that night. One in the middle of the street, and one in the back alley. So, everyone was bringing in ‘Outside Drinks.’

Now, thanks to this incident I don’t have to go to THE BAR on Fridays anymore*.

*But also this Friday I will be in Disney, so I may return to THE BAR next Friday, but I highly doubt that.

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Those are the three instances I quickly thought of. While writing this I thought of another NO HATS one, but that place closed down, so I win! If anyone ever gives you some bullcrap rule just don’t listen to them or leave and never come back. This is a good way to live a happy life.
Maybe I just have a problem with Bouncers or Doormen?

If that’s the case I leave you with this…

TOO MANY TV SHOWS!

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This week I came to a very important realization:

There are way too many TV shows and movies and I’ll never have enough time to watch all the good ones.

With all of these internet streaming services creating their own content, plus all the regular and premium channels — how are we supposed to watch all the good shows? You just can’t. There was a time — just a few months ago — where I would record and watch every episode of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. It started back with Late Night (way before I was a guest on the show). At some point I was watching every Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and every Conan. Sorry Coco, but I had to drop you a while back (I watch Conan clips on YouTube from time to time, like anytime there’s a Clueless Gamer. YouTube even has it’s own original movies and series now!). Now my DVR is filling up and I had to start screening guests on The Tonight Show. I even speed watch just to see the interviews. I skip monologues, pros and cons, even thank you notes.

I have a full season of Agents of Shield, the current season of Always Sunny and way more shows piling up on my DVR. Why is this happening? Every night I get in my bed and use my AppleTV instead to watch Netflix shows, Comedy Central Specials and everything else on there. And it’s not just the new original Netflix shows. As you already know (if you read my learning two weeks ago), I went back and started Friends (I finished season 1 last week. Only 216 episodes left). I started The X-Files, but have only seen about three or four episodes (22 minutes of Friends is way easier than 45 minutes of The X-Files).

Netflix has also brought back some of my favorites. They brought back Arrested Development, Wet Hot American Summer (as a series) and now Full(er) House! Netflix knows what they’re doing. Hulu tried to bring back The Mindy Project, but I’m not going to pay for Hulu just to see Mindy Lahiri and Doctor Castellano together (I don’t like them together, maybe because they were too mean to each other before. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me sick). I do miss Morgan and Dr. Peter though, and the British dude.

NBC even started a new streaming service, SeeSo, which has a lot of shows I want to watch but I don’t want to pay for. If I have cable why do I have to pay for more content from NBC? What the shit, Jack Donaghy, just let me watch what I want to watch.

I wish Netflix would bring back Pete and Pete. I never really understood that show, but I did love it. I’m sure if I saw it now I would either think it was great for reasons I was too young to understand back then, or I would think What the hell was wrong with me and everybody else who loved this show? (I still kind of want a Petunia tattoo though. How many Petunia tattoos do you think are out there?).

The best way to get a bit of all the good shows is to watch as many as you can and talk to friends about your shows and their shows. Of course, this is what always happens when comparing shows with friends: 

FRIEND A
I’m watching Breaking Bad. You gotta watch it!


FRIEND B
No man, Walking Dead is where it’s at.


FRIEND A


Dude, Walter White is a G! He invented Blue Meth.




FRIEND B


Please, Rick Grimes is a supercop, who kills zombies and calls his son Coral.




FRIEND A


Sounds stupid.




FRIEND B


Walter White sounds like a tool.


 


Instead of fighting about which show is better, we can exchange summaries with each other and it’s like watching all the shows.


The secret to true happiness is just to tell yourself this one thing:

I will never watch every TV show, and I’m OK with that. 

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
SUPER TARGET IS THE TITS!

			
						

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The other day I shopped at SUPER TARGET for the first time, and it has forever changed my life. Before this day, I had walked into a SUPER TARGET before, but not to buy anything. I was dragged into SUPER TARGET by someone else, so I didn’t really pay attention to it. Oh, this is just like a Regular Target, but kind of bigger, but I now know that SUPER TARGET is much more than just a larger version of Regular Target.


SUPER TARGET is the snack food Mecca. It’s where companies send their newest products to test them on the public. I saw some brand new items that I didn’t even know existed, because they don’t yet. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to talk about what I saw, but I will, because who even reads this thing anyways?


SUPER TARGET is like Baby D in the hit film Next Friday, from the year 2000. “[SUPER TARGET] know bout all the new snacks before they even hit the street. All the bootleg snacks. The year 2000 snacks… Cupcake got a new Twinkie coming out next month, it’s a bad mothaf**ka. When you bite into it cream filling shoot all in yo mouth, glitter…” (see video below)


Not only do they have all the sweet new snacks and latest food, SUPER TARGET has crazy discounts and sales going on every day. You walk in there for one thing and end up leaving with a bunch of stuff you didn’t even need, but I guess Regular Target does that to you too.


If you thought Regular Target’s dollar section was great, the SUPER TARGET one is even bigger and better. They even have fake koala yummies, straight from China.


The bakery/deli/butchery section is also kind of great. When I first walked into this section I thought maybe I’ll get some cookies, bread or snacks, but I don’t see myself buying meat from Target. But this is SUPER TARGET, they had all the animals to eat. Beef. Chicken. Pork. Lamb. Veal. And they even carry Laura’s Meats. Who is this Laura lady? I don’t care. I saw her picture on the box and I trust her. She looks like the kind of woman who knows about fresh meats. SUPER TARGET is doing it right.


That’s my review or description of SUPER TARGET. Here are the 3 things I saw that changed my life. (I have since been back 3 more times, and have seen even more life-changing things)


1 S’mOREOs


Until this day I had no idea that S’mores Oreos existed, or would ever exist. So, of course I bought them. I had to try S’mores + OREOs? Those are two of my favorite things. On the box they were called Oreo s’mores or s’mores Oreos. Someone on the Oreo team missed a big opportunity. S’MOREOS, you dum dums!  I would most definitely buy these again. Graham cracker cookies with chocolate and vanilla filling.


2 LEGO Hater


The second thing I saw was not a good thing. I was checking out the LEGO aisle to see if any LEGOs were on sale, as I do when I visit any store that sells LEGOs. As always, none were on sale. Leaving the aisle I heard a lady saying, “you don’t want to go down this aisle” to her kid, which I thought was a sarcastic statement, because every kid wants to go down the LEGO aisle. This kid did not, “Ew, I hate LEGOs” and he was 100% serious. I’m sorry kid. Do you hate happiness? Do you hate fun? Do you hate imagination? Do you hate freedom? Are you anti-American? It still makes me angry to think of this stupid little child. So I will stop now.


3 Breakfast Bagel Bites


This third thing just confused me. In the frozen food aisle I saw Bagel Bites with sausage, eggs and bacon on them, instead of pizza things. Breakfast Bagel Bites. That sounds kind of OK, but wasn’t the point of the original bagel bites for you to be able to eat pizza anytime? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that was the entire reason for putting pizza ingredients on mini bagels. It’s in the song, and I should know because that song has been stuck in my head ever since the 90’s. “Pizza in the morning. Pizza in the evening. Pizza at suppertime. When pizza’s on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime.” (see other video below)


One thing I didn’t really enjoy at SUPER TARGET is the other people who shop there. A bunch of weirdos. But I guess that’s what happens when you throw a bunch of awesome deals and discounts at people. Also, the people who shop at Regular Target aren’t all that great either. Just this weekend I was at a Regular Target, and I heard a very loud burp. I’m pretty sure the whole store heard it and maybe even smelt it, but that’s not the point. Usually when you hear someone burp really loud, like really, really loud in a public place they will say “excuse me.”


This dirty hillybilly did not say nothing. He just kept walking around, being smelly with his dirty, and possibly smelly family. This family is the reason why the rest of the world hates us.


Dear rest of the world,


We’re not all dirty garbage people. Some of us are actually OK. But I guess most of America, and possibly the rest of the world is filled with garbage people, but be happy you aren’t part of this smelly family at Target, they would never be allowed in a SUPER TARGET, not on my watch.


And that’s all the stuff I learned since first shopping at SUPER TARGET a few weeks ago.


NEXT FRIDAY, BABY D




BAGEL BITES



					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
New Shorts! (kind of…)

			
						

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Last week I learned that my blue shorts I got a while ago that didn’t fit me at the time, finally fit me, so I wore them out. These shorts helped me realize that I have a lot of clothes that doesn’t fit me, yet. Mostly stuff that is too small for my large man body.


I started thinking why do I have all this clothes that doesn’t fit me? and I thought of a few reasons. The main reason is that I am usually too lazy to return things, so when I buy or receive clothes (as a gift) that doesn’t quite fit me, but almost does, I just keep it. I think, this will soon fit me.


When I do this it gives me a new goal in life, to fit into this clothes. It’s never really one of my main goals, it’s usually more of a long-term goal. It’s more like this will fit me, when it fits me. I’m not rushing into these new clothes, I still have a ton of old clothes that fits me right now. I’m preparing for the future, when I finally lose some weight.


Imagine losing a bunch of pounds (lbs), and one day you wake up and nothing fits you. All your shorts and pants just slide right off when you try them on. How are you supposed to go shopping for new pants, with no pants? My plan is when I start to fit into my smaller clothes that doesn’t fit right now (long-term goal clothes) I will go out in that clothes to buy smaller clothes, that will fit me later when I need to go shopping for even smaller clothes.


Whenever I wear this clothes for the first time, people ask if my shorts are new. I have to tell them, “No, they’re old, but I haven’t been able to fit into them until now. They have been sitting in my closet waiting for this wonderful day, where they get to go out and see the world.”


I think girls do this kind of thing on purpose, they buy clothes that doesn’t fit them in order to lose weight. For me it’s mostly about being lazy. I actually got some shorts as a gift that didn’t fit me, but they were about 10 sizes too small, because the hanger said one size, while the tag said a size that was 10 less than that. So, I went and exchanged those for a different pair in what I thought was my size (I was wrong). I was able to almost button up these shorts, and I had been running a lot, so I decided to keep them (because I am not going back to the store to make another exchange).


Now those shorts fit, and I was excited and I celebrated for a few seconds in my room by myself. Then I wore them for a whole day, and maybe this weekend I will wear them for a second time. Hopefully, I will soon fit into some of this other clothes I have that is too small for me. 

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Thank God Learning

			
						

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This week I realized how athletes, actors and a whole buttload of people always thank God when something good happens to them (especially when they are asked about it on TV or in front of a huge crowd). “I just wanna thank God, because without God this wouldn’t have happened.”


When an athlete says “Thanks God for letting our team win this game,” they are basically saying, “Thank you God, for choosing our team over that other team. That other team was full of real douche faces and butt holes!” (or something like that). Or in the case of the actor who wins an Oscar, “Thanks God for giving me this award, all these other dudes have been really horrible in life this year, but I have been slightly less horrible than them and I really (kind of) deserve this.” 


Do you think God has time for all these football, basketball, baseball, rugby, quidditch, soccer, hockey, and whatever other games and matches are going on? There is some crazy stuff going on in the world. I would like to think that God leaves the outcome of sports to chance. If you are going to thank God for making you talented or keeping you healthy, now that is a different story (Father Manny taught me this). 


Here is my acceptance speech for when I win something big, “Thank you to me, and nobody else. I worked hard (or maybe I just got lucky), but I couldn’t have done it without me, pushing myself each day to get this done and do it right!” (if there is a team with me, I guess I will give them some credit too).


I didn’t talk about rappers thanking God in here, because that is a whole different story for a whole other day. “Thank you God for inspiring me to make a song about killing people, and taking their money, and stealing all your girlfriends, and drinking expensive drinks, and doing drugs and all that other good stuff, and being able to win an award for it!” I don’t think God is watching the BET awards (if he was there wouldn’t be a shooting or stabbing every year).

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Couples Learning

			
						

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This week I learned a valuable lesson about single people and their non-single friends. This learning is based upon the ‘circle of friendship’ (is that a thing or did i just make that up? Let’s just pretend it is a thing and I won’t mention it ever again). 


I have been a lone wolf for a good portion of my life, but I do have a whole buttload of friends, (according to the Facebook) some single and some not so single. What I learned this week is the rules of being the “third wheel” (the single friend of the non-single friends: sometimes referred to as a couple). 


Sometimes it’s fine to be the “third wheel,” but other times it’s not cool. Some couples want the “third wheel” around, while others just keep thinking when is this idiot going to leave us alone? So, when is it cool to be the “third wheel,” turning a couple into a tricycle? 


It’s all good if you’re single to hang out with couples who have been dating for a while (there is no specific time measurement, because each couple is different). For some couples a while may be three days or one month, for others it may be years. Some couples may never want to have friends again (they usually move away to a new location and start a new life).


Sometimes you know when a couple is ready for a “third wheel,” because they are already sick of each other. In these cases the “third wheel” may be the glue holding the relationship together (as long as the “third wheel” is around there will be no fighting). You can tell this is the case if the couple is begging you to join them. Another warning sign is when the couple doesn’t talk to each other, but instead they both talk to the “third wheel” (this is a bad sign, and a horrible place to be for the “third wheeler”). 


Some couples are not ready for the “third wheel.” This is often the case with new or young couples, especially when they are super in love and can’t keep their hands off of each other (but what single person wants to be around that?). These people only want to be around each other, and even if you hang out with one of them alone they keep talking about how awesome the other person is. Later on, they will probably be complaining about how annoying the other is.


There is a third group. This group is made up of couples that love each other, but also love their friends. They are a strange group of people, but my favorite. These are the kinds of non-single people I enjoy being around. These people only suck when you have two tickets to see Dave Chappelle, and you want to take your best friend, but his wife won’t let him go without her, but then you still go and have an awesome time, so whatever… Other than that one specific example, I like these people all the time.

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Best Buy Mystery Money

			
						

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Hello friends, so I haven’t posted a new learning in a while. That is because I haven’t learned anything worth posting since my last learning (I’ve been in a brain slump lately). That is, until earlier this week, where I learned a valuable life lesson.


As most people know Best Buy is my favorite place on earth. I try to go once a week to see what Movies, Music and other new gadgets were released. The only day I use the newspaper is on Sundays, and that is to see the Best Buy weekly ad (Although I kind of enjoyed not having the newspaper in New York, so every Tuesday was a surprise. Unless I went online to check the online version of the weekly ad).


So, what did I learn about Best Buy this week? I learned that they are a bunch of tricksters. I am a Premier Silver Member of the RewardZone, which means I get free money every few months, for spending money all my money there.


The other day I received an email for a secret “Mystery Coupon,” which got me excited. The “Mystery Coupon” states it could be worth anywhere from $5-$500, or you can receive $5,000 worth of reward points. Of course, every time I’ve gotten one of these “Mystery Coupon” emails, they end up being $5, which is cool, but I would rather just get a $5 “non-Mystery Coupon.”


On my way to Best Buy with my “Mystery Coupon” I began dreaming of all the cool stuff I can buy if I get the $500. I imagined myself walking up to the register with two items, and the lady tells me, “This is all you’re gonna get with your $500?” then I’m all like “WHAT? $500!” and we high five, I grab a cart and run through the store throwing everything in it.


This week I had a plan. If I would have won the $500, I wouldn’t have done a crazy shopping spree. The lady would have told me, “You won $500!” and I would have preordered my PS4 (yes, I decided PS4 is the way to go on my way to Best Buy that day. Thanks to my nerd friends).


In the end, the day did not go as I hoped. I walked up to the register with my Dream Theater “Live at Luna Park” Blu Ray, and the new Eminem CD and got $5 off of my purchase. If I get another “Mystery Coupon” for $5 I will write an angry letter to Best Buy, until then I will keep going there once a week to buy stuff.

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Texting and Driving is Kind of Illegal Now (in Florida)

			
						

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On October 1, 2013 (it’s still 2013 right?) I learned that Texting and Driving was now Illegal in Florida (kind of). I wasn’t really sure what else was illegal though. Is it just texting? What about iMessaging? What about Facebook messenger? What about Instagramming or Snap Chatting? Can I still send the Tweets? Can I still Candy Crush in my car? Am I allowed to answer the phone? Can I change the music on my iTunes or Spotify, if I’m listening to it in the car? (All of these questions and more came into my head at once)


It took me about 10 days, but I finally looked up the actual law. What I found out is that texting and driving isn’t really “illegal,” it’s just “kind of illegal.” What this means is that you can’t be pulled over for texting and driving only, it’s a secondary offense (it can only be added on to something else you were doing). I’m pretty sure the cops can find pretty much any reason to stop you though once they see you texting, and you will go to jail! (Actually you won’t go to jail, I believe there is a small fine, and you might get a point or two on your license if you were within a school zone or your texting ended in an accident).


What exactly counts as “texting and driving?” ‘Prohibiting operation of a motor vehicle while using a wireless device for certain purposes.’ What are these certain purposes? 


You are not allowed to be manually typing or entering letters, numbers, symbols or other characters (so I guess no emojis).


What is still legal? 


Voice Communication: I can still talk on the phone, but can I enter in the numbers to call someone if I don’t have them saved on my phone? That’s a tough one.


Reporting emergency or crime: I’m still allowed to take a picture of a crazy accident to send to my friends, right? Does that count as reporting an emergency or crime?


Navigation: I can still use my phone to get me places, but how am I supposed to type in the destination?


Safety Alerts: I can still receive these strange amber and silver alerts I have been receiving on my phone while driving through sketchy neighborhoods.


Radio Broadcasts: I can listen to my podcasts while I drive to work still (which would be nice, if I actually listened to podcasts while driving…)


A discovery I made is that ‘A legally parked vehicle is not being operated.’ What makes a vehicle legally parked though? If I am at a red light and I throw it into park, am I legally parked and now able to send all the messages, read articles and play candy crush until the light turns green? Do I have to pull into an actual parking spot? Can I pull over to the side of the road? Can I throw my car into park in the middle of the highway if I receive a message? (That last one sounds really dangerous, don’t do that)


So, I guess what I learned is that I can still text and drive and do whatever I want on my phone, as long as I am doing everything else right. The moral of the story is don’t text and drive or you will crash and die, 100% of the time. Thanks for listening, safety first.

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Video games and violence 

			
						

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I always hear these crazy theories about video games leading to violence, but I never believed them (until NOW). I am starting to believe that these theories may be right. I don’t think it’s games like Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty and other games that let you kill people or things, I believe the violence is caused by games like Candy Crush Saga. 


In shooter games you may get angry but you take it out on the virtual people in the game. In games like Candy Crush you get stuck on a level for nine months, and you can’t do anything but play that level (over and over again). You keep losing and losing and you start to feel that you will never beat it, you’re going to be a failure at level 31 for your entire life. You have nothing else to do in that game, no way to use that anger and frustration. 


All you can do is keep replaying that same level as a reminder of your failure. So you take your anger out on the real world. You scream at your family and friends. Punch a stranger in the face who just beat level 31 in front of you. Maybe you go out and do something terrible. All because you were stuck on this stupid level. 


So, guess what News People you were kind of right about the video game/violence correlation, but you were looking at the wrong games (or at least I think so).