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This week I came to a very important realization:

There are way too many TV shows and movies and I’ll never have enough time to watch all the good ones.

With all of these internet streaming services creating their own content, plus all the regular and premium channels — how are we supposed to watch all the good shows? You just can’t. There was a time — just a few months ago — where I would record and watch every episode of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. It started back with Late Night (way before I was a guest on the show). At some point I was watching every Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and every Conan. Sorry Coco, but I had to drop you a while back (I watch Conan clips on YouTube from time to time, like anytime there’s a Clueless Gamer. YouTube even has it’s own original movies and series now!). Now my DVR is filling up and I had to start screening guests on The Tonight Show. I even speed watch just to see the interviews. I skip monologues, pros and cons, even thank you notes.

I have a full season of Agents of Shield, the current season of Always Sunny and way more shows piling up on my DVR. Why is this happening? Every night I get in my bed and use my AppleTV instead to watch Netflix shows, Comedy Central Specials and everything else on there. And it’s not just the new original Netflix shows. As you already know (if you read my learning two weeks ago), I went back and started Friends (I finished season 1 last week. Only 216 episodes left). I started The X-Files, but have only seen about three or four episodes (22 minutes of Friends is way easier than 45 minutes of The X-Files).

Netflix has also brought back some of my favorites. They brought back Arrested Development, Wet Hot American Summer (as a series) and now Full(er) House! Netflix knows what they’re doing. Hulu tried to bring back The Mindy Project, but I’m not going to pay for Hulu just to see Mindy Lahiri and Doctor Castellano together (I don’t like them together, maybe because they were too mean to each other before. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me sick). I do miss Morgan and Dr. Peter though, and the British dude.

NBC even started a new streaming service, SeeSo, which has a lot of shows I want to watch but I don’t want to pay for. If I have cable why do I have to pay for more content from NBC? What the shit, Jack Donaghy, just let me watch what I want to watch.

I wish Netflix would bring back Pete and Pete. I never really understood that show, but I did love it. I’m sure if I saw it now I would either think it was great for reasons I was too young to understand back then, or I would think What the hell was wrong with me and everybody else who loved this show? (I still kind of want a Petunia tattoo though. How many Petunia tattoos do you think are out there?).

The best way to get a bit of all the good shows is to watch as many as you can and talk to friends about your shows and their shows. Of course, this is what always happens when comparing shows with friends:

I’m watching Breaking Bad. You gotta watch it!

No man, Walking Dead is where it’s at.

Dude, Walter White is a G! He invented Blue Meth.

Please, Rick Grimes is a supercop, who kills zombies and calls his son Coral.

Sounds stupid.

Walter White sounds like a tool.


Instead of fighting about which show is better, we can exchange summaries with each other and it’s like watching all the shows.

The secret to true happiness is just to tell yourself this one thing:
I will never watch every TV show, and I’m OK with that.




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The other day I shopped at SUPER TARGET for the first time, and it has forever changed my life. Before this day, I had walked into a SUPER TARGET before, but not to buy anything. I was dragged into SUPER TARGET by someone else, so I didn’t really pay attention to it. Oh, this is just like a Regular Target, but kind of bigger, but I now know that SUPER TARGET is much more than just a larger version of Regular Target.

SUPER TARGET is the snack food Mecca. It’s where companies send their newest products to test them on the public. I saw some brand new items that I didn’t even know existed, because they don’t yet. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to talk about what I saw, but I will, because who even reads this thing anyways?

SUPER TARGET is like Baby D in the hit film Next Friday, from the year 2000. “[SUPER TARGET] know bout all the new snacks before they even hit the street. All the bootleg snacks. The year 2000 snacks… Cupcake got a new Twinkie coming out next month, it’s a bad mothaf**ka. When you bite into it cream filling shoot all in yo mouth, glitter…” (see video below)

Not only do they have all the sweet new snacks and latest food, SUPER TARGET has crazy discounts and sales going on every day. You walk in there for one thing and end up leaving with a bunch of stuff you didn’t even need, but I guess Regular Target does that to you too.

If you thought Regular Target’s dollar section was great, the SUPER TARGET one is even bigger and better. They even have fake koala yummies, straight from China.

The bakery/deli/butchery section is also kind of great. When I first walked into this section I thought maybe I’ll get some cookies, bread or snacks, but I don’t see myself buying meat from Target. But this is SUPER TARGET, they had all the animals to eat. Beef. Chicken. Pork. Lamb. Veal. And they even carry Laura’s Meats. Who is this Laura lady? I don’t care. I saw her picture on the box and I trust her. She looks like the kind of woman who knows about fresh meats. SUPER TARGET is doing it right.

That’s my review or description of SUPER TARGET. Here are the 3 things I saw that changed my life. (I have since been back 3 more times, and have seen even more life-changing things)

1 S’mOREOs

Until this day I had no idea that S’mores Oreos existed, or would ever exist. So, of course I bought them. I had to try S’mores + OREOs? Those are two of my favorite things. On the box they were called Oreo s’mores or s’mores Oreos. Someone on the Oreo team missed a big opportunity. S’MOREOS, you dum dums!  I would most definitely buy these again. Graham cracker cookies with chocolate and vanilla filling.

2 LEGO Hater

The second thing I saw was not a good thing. I was checking out the LEGO aisle to see if any LEGOs were on sale, as I do when I visit any store that sells LEGOs. As always, none were on sale. Leaving the aisle I heard a lady saying, “you don’t want to go down this aisle” to her kid, which I thought was a sarcastic statement, because every kid wants to go down the LEGO aisle. This kid did not, “Ew, I hate LEGOs” and he was 100% serious. I’m sorry kid. Do you hate happiness? Do you hate fun? Do you hate imagination? Do you hate freedom? Are you anti-American? It still makes me angry to think of this stupid little child. So I will stop now.

3 Breakfast Bagel Bites

This third thing just confused me. In the frozen food aisle I saw Bagel Bites with sausage, eggs and bacon on them, instead of pizza things. Breakfast Bagel Bites. That sounds kind of OK, but wasn’t the point of the original bagel bites for you to be able to eat pizza anytime? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that was the entire reason for putting pizza ingredients on mini bagels. It’s in the song, and I should know because that song has been stuck in my head ever since the 90’s. “Pizza in the morning. Pizza in the evening. Pizza at suppertime. When pizza’s on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime.” (see other video below)

One thing I didn’t really enjoy at SUPER TARGET is the other people who shop there. A bunch of weirdos. But I guess that’s what happens when you throw a bunch of awesome deals and discounts at people. Also, the people who shop at Regular Target aren’t all that great either. Just this weekend I was at a Regular Target, and I heard a very loud burp. I’m pretty sure the whole store heard it and maybe even smelt it, but that’s not the point. Usually when you hear someone burp really loud, like really, really loud in a public place they will say “excuse me.”

This dirty hillybilly did not say nothing. He just kept walking around, being smelly with his dirty, and possibly smelly family. This family is the reason why the rest of the world hates us.

Dear rest of the world,

We’re not all dirty garbage people. Some of us are actually OK. But I guess most of America, and possibly the rest of the world is filled with garbage people, but be happy you aren’t part of this smelly family at Target, they would never be allowed in a SUPER TARGET, not on my watch.

And that’s all the stuff I learned since first shopping at SUPER TARGET a few weeks ago.