Has the Coronavirus infiltrated your dream world? For the most part my dreams haven’t contained much COVID yet (no masks or social distancing necessary). Most of my dreams have taken place in the past or possibly some alternate reality where this whole pandemic debacle hasn’t even happened (or maybe we had a real grown up president in my dreams who knew to listen to the smart people in the room and the whole thing has passed).

In my last dream, I discovered that I had a check for $1,500 from DMX (yes, that DMX the rapper AKA Earl Simmons). Maybe it came from one of his albums that I had owned
(It’s Dark and Hell is Hot? Flesh of my Flesh, Blood of my Blood? The Great Depression?) 

In my dream, I obviously went to the bank to check if this check was for real. I ran into a friend at the bank, helped start her car and from there the whole thing transformed into a murder mystery inside of the bank/haunted mansion (because now the bank had transformed into a haunted mansion). 

I never found out if that check from DMX was real or not. I definitely searched my room for it in the morning (Spoiler Alert! I found nothing but a few DMX CDs).
(…And then there was X, Grand Champ, The Great Depression)

I guess what I really wanted to say is, “Dreams are weird. Wear a mask and vote for Biden!”

-Also, I owned most of DMX’s discography, so maybe the dude does owe me a check.

WHOLE FOODS = Less Than Expected

WholeFoodsOKCFL title

Any time I shop at Whole Foods I always come home with less items than I expect (based on the money I spent). The other night, I spent about fifty dollars at Whole Foods on one, big brown bag of stuff. When I got home I pulled out my dinner, some cookies, some snacks, a few other items and when there was nothing left in the bag I asked myself (in my head), That’s it? (It also doesn’t help that they give you a monstrous brown paper bag).

I don’t shop at Whole Foods regularly, I’m more of a Fresh Market guy. When I shop at Fresh Market I build my meals based on what’s on sale, so I end up with a good haul for the money spent. I sometimes even forget about certain things I bought at Fresh Market and get a nice little surprise when I come home.

Why does every new Whole Foods that gets built look more and more like the future?

Now that Whole Foods is owned by Amazon I thought I would get some savings with my Amazon Prime membership, but instead I always end up saving 10% on one or two items. Items that usually cost between one to two dollars, so I save about ten to forty cents on my whole purchase (Prime deals!).

I know some people call Whole Foods, “Whole Paycheck,” because they think it’s funny and they also think they made that up. (It’s not that funny) It’s a dad joke, but I guess it is kind of true. If I did my weekly groceries there, and not just some random snacks and dinner buying every once in a while, I would definitely not have much of my paycheck left over each month.

One thing that’s neat about Whole Foods is the hot foods bar, they have a huge selection of good hot food, but if you’re not looking for “good hot food” you can also grab some pizza. They also hold the “Guinness World Record” for largest soup bar (I’m not sure if that’s accurate, but it is the largest soup bar I’ve ever seen. They even beat out Panera, and those people are all about their soups). Just don’t hit up that hot foods bar at lunch time, because all you’ll get is hangry, annoyed yuppies.

I do enjoy visiting Whole Foods in new cities though. When I lived in New York they had special meats and beers that I had never seen back home. In Chicago the cookie bar was insane, and they had over ten different restaurants inside. The last out-of-town Whole Foods I went to was in Minnesota, there they had cheese curds (which I have never found in any grocery stores in Miami) and different coffees, some different hot foods and crazy flavors of RX Bars.

I usually like visiting different Best Buys, Barnes & Noble’s and sometimes Targets in new cities, because those make me feel like I’m home even though I’m not. But Whole Foods always feels new to me, in a different city. I guess Whole Foods isn’t really a bad place, it’s just expensive. I will continue to go for specialty and small things, but I will never go regularly (unless I become crazy rich).


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This week’s learning isn’t about something that I recently discovered. This week I’m talking about something that I’ve known for quite some time. Before I go any further, let me just tell you that I am only expressing my opinion on this particular subject. If you do not agree with me, that is fine, you may just be an idiot.

What I’ve known for a while now is this:

Jimmy Buffett’s music is garbage!

It’s basically “The Wiggles,” but instead of being created with children in mind, he’s catering to a much different crowd — Drunken older white people (A.K.A. Parrotheads).

Any time Jimmy Buffett writes a new song, he uses the same formula as Barney, the Wiggles and all the other musical children’s TV shows. He asks himself these questions:

1 What does my audience like?

Cheeseburgers, Margaritas, Not Math


2 How can I make a catchy song about this subject?

Cheeseburger in Paradise, Margaritaville, Math Sucks

Two of these three songs became global restaurant chains.

Jimmy Buffett’s music may suck (like Math, according to him — I actually think math is awesome, and knowledge is power), but he is a killer business man. He has restaurants, bars, hotels, books, beers, blenders, drink mixes, sauces and all kinds of swag. He’s in Jurassic World (Spoiler Alert!) and there’s even a fake Margaritaville in the fake park in the movie.

Buffett is neither an “artist” nor a “musician,” he’s an entrepreneur who enjoys drinking, chilling outdoors and drinking some more. I just wanted to share my opinion about his music being for simple children who grew up to be simple adults. But you gotta give the man some credit, he is a genius who lived through a plane crash.

To demonstrate my point, watch this video for Fins.
What a dumb song…



Ok, maybe it’s not that bad, and it is kind of catchy. Look how much fun the drunk old white people are having. And the song comes with it’s own cool and easy-to-follow dance moves, like Soulja Boy but way simpler.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe Jimmy Buffett doesn’t suck so much.



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This isn’t something I recently learned, it’s something I’ve always known (maybe not always, maybe just since I finally visited one). I’m not a fan of strip clubs, and there are a few reasons why.

You may think one reason is because I believe in Women’s Rights. That’s not true. Yes, I do believe in Women’s Rights, and that’s why I think that any woman can choose whatever job she wants. Even if she wants to be a stripper. Hey it’s your body, do what you want with it. If one of my dude friends told me he wanted to be a man stripper, I’d say go ahead. Go get your man stripping on. Just don’t invite me to your job!

The main reason I don’t like visiting strip clubs is because I don’t want to find out what kind of people some of my friends really are. I like to think that I choose “good” people as friends, with a few exceptions (you know who you are…). At strip clubs, dudes let out their real feelings about the world, women and nasty buffets (if you go to a strip club for the food, you are definitely a bad person and no one should be friends with you).

People will show their true “Donald Trump” side at a strip club. Saying horrible things about these sweet ladies who are taking off their clothes just for your entertainment. Most guys just become construction workers at a strip club. They yell out all kinds of things to these strippers that they would never say to any girl on the street (unless there happened to be outdoor strip clubs).

I don’t want to know if one of my friends is that creepy guy who stands right in front of the stage with one dollar in his hand, waiting as the stripper goes from guy to guy, collecting their dirty money with her mouth. These guys just continue standing there, like “Oh, I’m next! So exciting!” Forget about sloppy seconds, you’re in the sloppy 1000s, buddy.

I try to give everyone I meet a chance to show me they’re an OK person before I decide they suck. This is not true while driving, because everyone on the road sucks at life (and at driving). But if I meet someone in a strip club, that’s already weird. You don’t go to strip clubs to meet people, unless we’re discussing some type of law breaking activities while we’re there. I’m definitely going to decide that person is a crappy person just from that one encounter.

I could just go alone to the strip clubs I guess, but that would be super creepy. Also, what if I run into someone I know at the strip club? Someone who I probably don’t like, because “Nice” people don’t hang out at strip clubs on a Tuesday.

Now that person thinks I’m a dirtbag too and I already think the same about them. Plus, I have to go talk to them now, “I know it’s a Tuesday and I’m hanging out at this strip club, but I just want to let you know I’m not like a strip club regular.” and they’ll have to answer with the same thing, “Oh yeah, totally. Me either, just waiting for someone to meet me here, then we’re going to the Olive Garden.”

I also don’t feel very safe in a strip club. Anytime I’ve ever entered a strip club in a GTA (Grand Theft Auto) game the sh*t always goes down! Someone gets shot, people are killed and horrible things happen. Every time. It’s just not a safe place to be. Maybe I should blame video games and movies. Most strip club scenes in movies don’t end very happy either.

I love the women and support their rights, and also any career choices they make. But that doesn’t mean I have to go to a strip club to show my support. So, if I don’t go to a strip club with you there’s nothing wrong with me. There’s probably something wrong with you.

Best Buy Mystery Money


Hello friends, so I haven’t posted a new learning in a while. That is because I haven’t learned anything worth posting since my last learning (I’ve been in a brain slump lately). That is, until earlier this week, where I learned a valuable life lesson.

As most people know Best Buy is my favorite place on earth. I try to go once a week to see what Movies, Music and other new gadgets were released. The only day I use the newspaper is on Sundays, and that is to see the Best Buy weekly ad (Although I kind of enjoyed not having the newspaper in New York, so every Tuesday was a surprise. Unless I went online to check the online version of the weekly ad).

So, what did I learn about Best Buy this week? I learned that they are a bunch of tricksters. I am a Premier Silver Member of the RewardZone, which means I get free money every few months, for spending money all my money there.

The other day I received an email for a secret “Mystery Coupon,” which got me excited. The “Mystery Coupon” states it could be worth anywhere from $5-$500, or you can receive $5,000 worth of reward points. Of course, every time I’ve gotten one of these “Mystery Coupon” emails, they end up being $5, which is cool, but I would rather just get a $5 “non-Mystery Coupon.”

On my way to Best Buy with my “Mystery Coupon” I began dreaming of all the cool stuff I can buy if I get the $500. I imagined myself walking up to the register with two items, and the lady tells me, “This is all you’re gonna get with your $500?” then I’m all like “WHAT? $500!” and we high five, I grab a cart and run through the store throwing everything in it.

This week I had a plan. If I would have won the $500, I wouldn’t have done a crazy shopping spree. The lady would have told me, “You won $500!” and I would have preordered my PS4 (yes, I decided PS4 is the way to go on my way to Best Buy that day. Thanks to my nerd friends).

In the end, the day did not go as I hoped. I walked up to the register with my Dream Theater “Live at Luna Park” Blu Ray, and the new Eminem CD and got $5 off of my purchase. If I get another “Mystery Coupon” for $5 I will write an angry letter to Best Buy, until then I will keep going there once a week to buy stuff.