Category Archives: Ferdings Learnings

TOO MANY TV SHOWS!

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This week I came to a very important realization:

There are way too many TV shows and movies and I’ll never have enough time to watch all the good ones.

With all of these internet streaming services creating their own content, plus all the regular and premium channels — how are we supposed to watch all the good shows? You just can’t. There was a time — just a few months ago — where I would record and watch every episode of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. It started back with Late Night (way before I was a guest on the show). At some point I was watching every Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and every Conan. Sorry Coco, but I had to drop you a while back (I watch Conan clips on YouTube from time to time, like anytime there’s a Clueless Gamer. YouTube even has it’s own original movies and series now!). Now my DVR is filling up and I had to start screening guests on The Tonight Show. I even speed watch just to see the interviews. I skip monologues, pros and cons, even thank you notes.

I have a full season of Agents of Shield, the current season of Always Sunny and way more shows piling up on my DVR. Why is this happening? Every night I get in my bed and use my AppleTV instead to watch Netflix shows, Comedy Central Specials and everything else on there. And it’s not just the new original Netflix shows. As you already know (if you read my learning two weeks ago), I went back and started Friends (I finished season 1 last week. Only 216 episodes left). I started The X-Files, but have only seen about three or four episodes (22 minutes of Friends is way easier than 45 minutes of The X-Files).

Netflix has also brought back some of my favorites. They brought back Arrested Development, Wet Hot American Summer (as a series) and now Full(er) House! Netflix knows what they’re doing. Hulu tried to bring back The Mindy Project, but I’m not going to pay for Hulu just to see Mindy Lahiri and Doctor Castellano together (I don’t like them together, maybe because they were too mean to each other before. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me sick). I do miss Morgan and Dr. Peter though, and the British dude.

NBC even started a new streaming service, SeeSo, which has a lot of shows I want to watch but I don’t want to pay for. If I have cable why do I have to pay for more content from NBC? What the shit, Jack Donaghy, just let me watch what I want to watch.

I wish Netflix would bring back Pete and Pete. I never really understood that show, but I did love it. I’m sure if I saw it now I would either think it was great for reasons I was too young to understand back then, or I would think What the hell was wrong with me and everybody else who loved this show? (I still kind of want a Petunia tattoo though. How many Petunia tattoos do you think are out there?).

The best way to get a bit of all the good shows is to watch as many as you can and talk to friends about your shows and their shows. Of course, this is what always happens when comparing shows with friends: 

FRIEND A
I’m watching Breaking Bad. You gotta watch it!


FRIEND B
No man, Walking Dead is where it’s at.


FRIEND A


Dude, Walter White is a G! He invented Blue Meth.




FRIEND B


Please, Rick Grimes is a supercop, who kills zombies and calls his son Coral.




FRIEND A


Sounds stupid.




FRIEND B


Walter White sounds like a tool.


 


Instead of fighting about which show is better, we can exchange summaries with each other and it’s like watching all the shows.


The secret to true happiness is just to tell yourself this one thing:

I will never watch every TV show, and I’m OK with that. 

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
DUNKIN DONUTS IS FULL OF LIES!

			
						

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Last night I was watching some TV and I saw a DUNKIN DONUTS commercial telling me to: 



“Try the new caramel macchiato.”


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Guess what DUNKIN! If that’s even your real name. If that’s an actual human’s name then your parents had shit spelling skills. So, as I was saying. Guess what Mr. DUNKIN! Starbucks created the Caramel Macchiato forever ago. Actually someone in Italy probably created it even before Starbucks. And tons of other coffee shops everywhere have them on the menu.


Next time you want to make a commercial introducing something new to your coffee menu, how about you actually introduce “something new.” Not something new for you, but old and regular to the rest of the world. Maybe a liquid donut coffee drink, or a munchkin hot chocolate. I don’t know, I’m just spitballing here.


Did PAPA JOHN’s make a commercial to first introduce their Pepperoni Pizza? I don’t think so. They were just like, “we got cheese and we got pepperoni,” at first. Now they make commercials to show off all the new pizzas. Six Cheese Tuscan. Three types of sausage. They even make commercials showing off that the Papa is friends with Peyton Manning.


If I learned anything from this Super Bowl a few weeks ago it’s that Peyton Manning loves Pizza and Budweiser. Also, that Puppy-Monkey-Baby is the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. If that thing is real someone needs to kill it, like yesterday. 


So, back to DUNKIN DONUTS. Next time you want to introduce me and the rest of the world to some new coffee drink, make sure I’ve never heard of it before. Or just say, “Now serving [Insert some coffee drink I’ve already heard of here] at our stores.” I’ve been drinking caramel macchiatos since the early 2000’s, bruh! (that’s how Kanye says it, right?)


Another thing DUNKIN DONUTS. I don’t know if you’ve changed your slogan yet, but “America Runs on Dunkin,” really? Eating or drinking anything from DUNKIN DONUTS has never made me feel like “Running.” It’s more like, “America walks on Dunkin,” or, “America sleeps on Dunkin,” or anything else that doesn’t require much physical activity. You’re welcome for your new slogan, now pay me.

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
FRIENDS! My new favorite show…

			
						

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Last week I started watching NBC’s “the Friends” on Netflix. I’m now halfway through season one. I’ve seen many episodes of  “the Friends,” in my lifetime, but I have never seen them all in order. I know about a few things that happened on the show, but I have no idea when or what order they happened in (I have no “Friends” timeline).


One thing I learned after just a few episodes is that Ross is always a sad baby. Ross has never been happy for an entire episode [FACT!]. During the third episode I was excited for Ross, he hadn’t whined, complained or been a bummer yet, until he figured out that his childhood dog did not go live on a farm, but instead had died and it was all a big lie. Ross is sad. The end! (It’s not a spoiler if it happened over 10 years ago).


Someone told me, “he’s sad cause he just got a divorce,” but he should be happy. Being divorced is way better than being married to a lesbian – unless you’re also a lesbian, then being married to a lesbian would be awesome for you. However, Ross is not a lesbian, so why would he want to be married to one? Don’t worry Ross, I’m sure you’ll find someone else (I wonder who that could be?).


Phoebe has always been my favorite, and she will continue to be my favorite of the friends. She is silly, and I love it when she says “Oh!” when she finally gets something. I love her songs. Before I only knew about the song “Smelly Cat,” but already in half-a-season I’ve learned so many new songs. I do still love Joey, Chandler, Rachel, Monica and I guess Ross. This show is also filled with great 90’s cameos, including D.A.G. (David Allan Grier), Helen Hunt and Phoebe’s crappy sister Ursula.


Even the theme song from “Friends” is all about my life. (1) I don’t know what I’m doing. (2) I’m broke and my love life’s D.O.A. (3) I do have great friends who love me and are always there for me. The Rembrandts really know their stuff. I loved the “Friends” song so much when I was a kid I even had the Rembrandts tape (I’ll Be There For You was the only good song).


This show is great and I recommend it to anyone who has never watched it (or has only watched a bunch of random episodes like me). It’s full of jokes, and jokes that still hold up. Well, I gotta go. It’s time for bed, but I’m sure I can squeeze in one more episode before I go to sleep, maybe two. 


Watch Friends you dummies, it’s on the Netflix! Everyone has Netflix. Stop wasting your time with this “Making a Murderer” crap, watch something happy. 


 



					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
THE DISNEY FORMULA

			
						

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This past weekend I visited one of my favorite places on earth, Walt Disney World Resorts & Parks. I didn’t have the pleasure of staying in one of the beautiful Disney Resorts, but we did eat breakfast at the Polynesian, so I did visit one (that’s also how I get free parking, but don’t tell the mouse). I got to do two parks in one day for a total of 14 hours of Disney fun.


I learned a lot on this trip to Disney. I confirmed my fear of the unknown when walking into Stich’s Great Escape I thought, “Why does the thing need to come down over my head? I don’t want to be lifted into the sky. No thank you.” I learned that Star Tours added an all-new chase scene from The Force Awakens, which featured Finn and BB-8 and got me very excited to watch Episode VII – for a third time. I also learned that the Enchanted Tiki Room and the Country Bear Jamboree are still around in the Magic Kingdom, which I don’t think I’ve visited since the 00’s (like before 2010).


We visited both the Country Bear Jamboree and Enchanted Tiki Room and I realized that both of these shows don’t really have a point, or at least that’s what I thought. The truth is both shows do have a point, and they both follow through with that point. In both rooms you’re just here for a concert and they both go according to plan. 


The reason why that feels weird is because most shows, rides and experiences in Disney don’t go according to plan. The whole point behind most of these rides, shows and experiences is to trick you, and I will give you three examples of the trickery behind Walt Disney (I’ll try not to ruin anything for people who haven’t been to Disney yet. But if you’re reading this and you haven’t been to Disney, then you probably don’t care or your parents didn’t love you).


Example 1 Muppets 3D


You come into Muppets 3D thinking you are about to see this spectacular show featuring your favorite Muppets, all in a very primitive 3D experience (seriously, I love the show but that old school 3D gives me a headache. Let’s film a new Muppets IMAX 3D. I know you Disney people got plenty money). So once again, you think you’re going to see a 3D spectacular, featuring musical performances and other great stage productions. Instead a weird 3D talking balloon animal gets loose and almost burns the theater you’re in to the ground. 


Example 2 Star Tours


On your arrival at Star Tours you believe you’re getting a normal transport through space. Everything instantly goes wrong when C3P0 is stuck behind the wheel of your spacecraft, and an unwanted fugitive is found onboard. The whole thing unfolds into a galactic shootout. And it turns out to be a much different tour through space than you were expecting (maybe Disney should hire me to write reviews for their rides).


Example 3 the Great Movie Ride


Oh wow, look at all these classic movies that I’ve never seen. What’s that? A mob shootout? A bank robbery? A burning building? Where are you going, classical film tour guide? Now we just got hijacked by some wanted criminal on the world’s slowest buggy. Don’t worry though, our tour guide will be back in time to watch the ginger midgets sing and dance.


These three rides/shows are great examples of the Disney formula. Make the audience think they are here for one thing, then throw in a wild card, but don’t worry it always works out. If you think about it most things that are promised to you never actually happen in Disney (but we’re ok with it because what really happens is even better). In Philhar-magic you think you’re going to see Maestro MIckey put on a killer symphony. Instead Donald Duck chases after Mickey’s hat, but you get to hear some of your favorite Disney songs along the way. So, in the end they trick you, but you still get your music. 


The Country Bears and Tiki Room both don’t follow this particular Disney formula. The Country Bears is just some bears playing music, but it turns out some of these bears (or all of them) are a wee bit drunk – just look at their drunk eyes. The Tiki Room is just a bunch of birds in the rafters singing songs for you. It’s fun because none of the birds poop on you.


One place I was happy not to visit was the Hall of Presidents. I haven’t been there in over 10 years, and that makes me happy. All I remember from the Hall of Presidents is Abraham Lincoln’s infamous banana noises. (Michael Ian Black taught me about Banana noises – the sounds one makes while eating a banana). Some people happen to make banana noises in between sentences when speaking (ie. Animatronic Abraham Lincoln – I hope the real Abe Lincoln didn’t make banana noises). I’m pretty sure all the presidents make banana noises, and if O’Bama is there his version of banana noises would be just saying “um.” 


Disney is still one of my favorite places on earth. Even though they trick you and I’m afraid of most of the rides. I still have an awesome time whenever I go there and I will continue to be a fan of Disney, because they own everything I LOVE (Marvel, Pixar, Star Wars, Mickey Mouse & his friends and probably a bunch of stuff I don’t know about yet).

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Two Week Break? (GoT)

			
						

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This weekend I learned that there will be no new Game of Thrones this Sunday. I have to wait two weeks for the next Game of Thrones episode (Thanks Memorial Day weekend!). The problem I have with this is that I forget everything that happens on Game of Thrones, and by giving me more time between episodes that gives me more time to forget important things going on.


I just remembered on Monday that “The Hound” and “The Mountain” are brothers. I only remembered this because I saw an info-graphic online that shows all the characters relations on Game of Thrones. We were watching the show at a friends house and they were like “It’s the Mountain,” and I just said “Cool!” but I had no idea what that meant (until the next day!).


Game of Thrones is one of the most confusing shows I have ever watched. I probably have no idea what is going on, even though I think I know a little bit. However, I still love this show, and will continue watching. Even if I hated this show, I would keep watching it just so that the internet wouldn’t ruin it for me every Monday.


Most times while watching this show I feel like Jon Snow, because I know nothing (also, because If I lived in the realm of Game of Thrones I would be known as “Ferdi Snow” since I was born a bastard).


If you watch Game of Thrones you have to watch it Sunday night, or you have to stay off the internet, because Game of Thrones is everyone’s favorite thing to talk about on Monday. If you are waiting for the season or series to end, so you can binge watch the whole thing, then please do yourself a favor and go live in a cave, with no internet.


I have decided to buy the books when I get my next B&N online coupon. I will attempt to read as many books as I can and maybe re-watch the seasons over the break (before season 4 or 5 or whatever comes next?). I will become a Game of Thrones expert before the next season starts, or I shall die trying!


 


(If you are also having problems understanding what is going on on Game of Thrones, watch the video below. It is funny, but it will help you remember some of the things that happened in Seasons 1-3…)



					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Best Buy Mystery Money

			
						

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Hello friends, so I haven’t posted a new learning in a while. That is because I haven’t learned anything worth posting since my last learning (I’ve been in a brain slump lately). That is, until earlier this week, where I learned a valuable life lesson.


As most people know Best Buy is my favorite place on earth. I try to go once a week to see what Movies, Music and other new gadgets were released. The only day I use the newspaper is on Sundays, and that is to see the Best Buy weekly ad (Although I kind of enjoyed not having the newspaper in New York, so every Tuesday was a surprise. Unless I went online to check the online version of the weekly ad).


So, what did I learn about Best Buy this week? I learned that they are a bunch of tricksters. I am a Premier Silver Member of the RewardZone, which means I get free money every few months, for spending money all my money there.


The other day I received an email for a secret “Mystery Coupon,” which got me excited. The “Mystery Coupon” states it could be worth anywhere from $5-$500, or you can receive $5,000 worth of reward points. Of course, every time I’ve gotten one of these “Mystery Coupon” emails, they end up being $5, which is cool, but I would rather just get a $5 “non-Mystery Coupon.”


On my way to Best Buy with my “Mystery Coupon” I began dreaming of all the cool stuff I can buy if I get the $500. I imagined myself walking up to the register with two items, and the lady tells me, “This is all you’re gonna get with your $500?” then I’m all like “WHAT? $500!” and we high five, I grab a cart and run through the store throwing everything in it.


This week I had a plan. If I would have won the $500, I wouldn’t have done a crazy shopping spree. The lady would have told me, “You won $500!” and I would have preordered my PS4 (yes, I decided PS4 is the way to go on my way to Best Buy that day. Thanks to my nerd friends).


In the end, the day did not go as I hoped. I walked up to the register with my Dream Theater “Live at Luna Park” Blu Ray, and the new Eminem CD and got $5 off of my purchase. If I get another “Mystery Coupon” for $5 I will write an angry letter to Best Buy, until then I will keep going there once a week to buy stuff.

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Santa Claus: ThrowBack Learning (#TBL)

			
						

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In honor of ThrowBackThursday (#tbt), I give you a ThrowBack Learning, #TBL (yes that’s a thing, and if it isn’t, then it is now). I did not actually find a document written by me, from middle school, about learning that Santa doesn’t exist (if you’re a child or an idiot that still thinks Santa is real, he is. Also, stop reading this NOW!). This is more of a what I think I was feeling at the time.


The year was, nineteen ninety-something and it was the winter (in Miami, so think of summer, but later in the year). I was one of the last of my friends who still believed that Santa was real. I would argue with people and prove to them that Santa was real, “If he’s not real, where do the presents come from?” “Who drinks and eats the milk and cookies?” “Who’s pooping in the front yard?” (reindeer!).


My sister thought it was time to ruin my childhood, and Christmas for me. I got home one day and she told me Santa isn’t real, but I didn’t believe her. Then she told me to check my parent’s closet, and that’s where I found it. A bunch of presents that all said TO: (one of us), FROM: Santa (NOOOOOOO!).


Maybe he just doesn’t have time to deliver all these gifts? Maybe he brought them early? Maybe he has his own plans with Mrs. Claus on Christmas this year? Maybe he sent them via UPS or FedEx? Maybe he’s just not real?


After learning this terrible news, I started going into my parent’s closet every year and shaking my gifts to see if I could guess what was inside. After a while I began buying my own gifts and telling my mom to wrap them and put them under the tree.


Christmas is much better when you’re a kid and you believe Santa is bringing the presents, and his elves are making them. You don’t feel bad asking for a bunch of stuff when you think it’s being made by pointy-eared midgets (instead of thinking of your parents running around town at night while you’re sleeping fighting other parents to get everything on your never ending wish list).


Christmas is still the “most wonderful time of the year,” though (Unless you’re Jewish, then watch the video below).


					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
I am a Mutant

			
						

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Lil’ Wayne says he’s a Martian, but I think he is actually a black robot. This week I learned that I am a Mutant, actually we all may be mutants (even Lil’ Wayne). I know for sure that I have Wolverine’s power and I’m pretty sure other people do too (healing power, not the stabbing people with your bones/metal skeleton).


The other day I burnt my finger taking some cornbread out of the oven. I had a burn mark for a few days, until my skin fell off and then I had an open wound. I covered it up with a band-aid for a few days, and now it is closed with a small scar, but I’m sure the scar will be gone soon.


I’m not sure if I can come back from a bullet to the head like Wolverine, and I don’t think I am willing to find out. Even if I do possess that power, I know it is still painful to get shot.


Think of how many times you have cut yourself. I’m sure some of the bad ones have left scars, but for the most part your skin went back to normal. Now, I am no scientist (What’s up, Scientist!), so I believe that there is no reasonable explanation for our bodies self healing factor, and that we are mutants (also, it’s way cooler to think that I’m a mutant).


Maybe this has to do with all the comic books I’ve been reading since I went to Super Con with my buddy, Worms. Maybe it’s all this nerd/geek stuff I’ve been doing lately. I hope I am able to discover some other mutant powers soon (Maybe one that’s more Bad Ass). If I do “learn” of some new powers I will definitely talk about them here.


Till then, stay clean and stay cool my humans (or mutants?).

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
WWJD? (What Would Justin Do?)

			
						

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This week I learned that Justin Timberlake is the coolest Motha(Shut yo Mouth!) on the planet Earth (and it makes me sad that I will never be as cool as him). I learned this when I watched the VMAs on Monday (Yes, the VMAs took place on Sunday, but I had better stuff to do, so I recorded it and watched Monday night).


I did see the Miley Cyrus/Robin Thicke Performance that everyone was ranting about this week, but I’m not going to talk about that. All I have to say is that I’m pretty sure Alan Thicke and Billy Rae Cyrus will get together this week (if they haven’t already), to talk about how to punish their children for their actions against the American people.


Back to JT. I saw JT’s performance and that was the only good thing that happened during the VMAs (other than Vanessa Bayer introducing Miley Cyrus, as Miley Cyrus).


Everyone was going crazy about the N’SYNC reunion, which wasn’t even a minute long, but it was pretty cool. The rest of JT’s performance around the whole Barclays Center is what made me realize how cool JT really is.


I always liked JT as a person, but I never really cared much for his music (until now). When I saw his performance at the VMAs I was mad that I didn’t go see him and the Jigga man at Dolphin Stadium a few weeks ago.


Although I will never be as cool as JT, that doesn’t mean I can’t try. From now on my new life philosophy will be WWJD (What Would Justin Do). Anytime I am going to do anything, I will think “WhatWouldJustinDo?” and I will do that instead.


I also learned (along with the rest of the world) that the lady who sings on “Same Love” with Macklemore is actually a white lady.

					

		
		
	


				
					
	

		

						
Racism on Elysium

			
						

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About two weeks ago I saw Elysium and it was awesome. However, I forgot to tell y’all what I learned. Watching Elysium, I learned that it was a racist movie, or a racist planet or space station or whatever you want to call it.


Sure the movie was full of action, sweet special effects and Matt Damon, but it was still kind of racist. How was it racist you ask? Well, let me tell you. Everyone who lived on Elysium was white (and had money), while all the Mexicans (and other South Americans, but mainly Mexicans because I believe the Earth part of the movie took place in East LA) were stuck here on Earth.


I still would recommend seeing this movie. Especially if you like watching people blow up in movies (because that happens quite a lot). I guess sometimes racism isn’t really a bad thing, because this movie (although a bit racist) still was very entertaining to see.


There was one thing I hated about this movie, and it wasn’t the racist-ness. Jodie Foster was the worst human ever. Not her character, but her, because of her bad acting. Usually Jodie Foster is pretty good in movies, but she tried to put on this French/English/Elysium accent which wasn’t working. Just talk in your normal voice Jodie and everything will be alright.


I still think you should watch this movie, if you haven’t already. Jodie Foster isn’t in the movie enough to ruin the whole movie, just the scenes she is in, where she talks. For the record, I would never go live on Elysium, I would totally stay on Earth.