In honor of ThrowBackThursday (#tbt), I give you a ThrowBack Learning, #TBL (yes that’s a thing, and if it isn’t, then it is now). I did not actually find a document written by me, from middle school, about learning that Santa doesn’t exist (if you’re a child or an idiot that still thinks Santa is real, he is. Also, stop reading this NOW!). This is more of a what I think I was feeling at the time.

The year was, nineteen ninety-something and it was the winter (in Miami, so think of summer, but later in the year). I was one of the last of my friends who still believed that Santa was real. I would argue with people and prove to them that Santa was real, “If he’s not real, where do the presents come from?” “Who drinks and eats the milk and cookies?” “Who’s pooping in the front yard?” (reindeer!).

My sister thought it was time to ruin my childhood, and Christmas for me. I got home one day and she told me Santa isn’t real, but I didn’t believe her. Then she told me to check my parent’s closet, and that’s where I found it. A bunch of presents that all said TO: (one of us), FROM: Santa (NOOOOOOO!).

Maybe he just doesn’t have time to deliver all these gifts? Maybe he brought them early? Maybe he has his own plans with Mrs. Claus on Christmas this year? Maybe he sent them via UPS or FedEx? Maybe he’s just not real?

After learning this terrible news, I started going into my parent’s closet every year and shaking my gifts to see if I could guess what was inside. After a while I began buying my own gifts and telling my mom to wrap them and put them under the tree.

Christmas is much better when you’re a kid and you believe Santa is bringing the presents, and his elves are making them. You don’t feel bad asking for a bunch of stuff when you think it’s being made by pointy-eared midgets (instead of thinking of your parents running around town at night while you’re sleeping fighting other parents to get everything on your never ending wish list).

Christmas is still the “most wonderful time of the year,” though (Unless you’re Jewish, then watch the video below).