Tag Archives: FerdingsLearnings

Obsessed with Coconuts

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There’s something really weird going on in South Florida. Maybe it’s been going on for a long time and I’ve never noticed until recently. For my entire life I’ve lived on a small island connected to Miami — Key Biscayne (aka Island Paradise). You may have heard of it in the original Bad Boys movie, where they are told to go to Key Biscayne, but don’t actually go there.

Bad Boys (1995) • Not the exact scene where they mention Key Biscayne, but I had to include something.

Key Biscayne has also been featured in Christian Finnegan’s stand up comedy about Florida and Albert Einstein.

“If Albert Einstein Was From Florida” • Christian Finnegan

Key Biscayne is a wonderful place to go for a run. I have multiple routes that I run depending on the distance I’m traveling that day. I can run the loop around the residential part for 3 miles, I can run towards the lighthouse for up to 5 or even 6 miles, but lately I have stuck to running through Crandon Beach. That run can be anywhere from 2 to 10 or more miles (10 is my longest run, back a few years ago). During the entire pandemic I have stuck to 3 or 4 mile runs.

My run from earlier in the week.

***Side Note: I usually run with no glasses or contact lenses on. So, if you’re a fellow Key Biscayne resident who has seen me and waved at me or tried to get my attention on a run, I’m not ignoring you. I just didn’t see you. The loud music in my ears doesn’t really help the situation either. When running with no glasses all of your faces look like I’ve just been sprayed with Scarecrow’s Fear Gas (Batman Begins).

Batman Begins • Fear Gas

Let’s get back on track and talk about the strange thing I noticed lately. The weird thing I noticed lately is that people (most likely tourists) love trying to get coconuts to fall from trees. And they love trying to break them open to drink some coconut milk (or coconut water). I’m not even sure what’s inside of the coconut. Since they’ve always been around me, I don’t even think about them. I kind of forget they even exist.

This leads me to my main question: Do they not have Coconuts on trees in other cities, states, countries? Are we the only place with coconut trees? Palm trees? Are coconuts indigienous to Key Biscayne or South Florida?

This past week I saw one kid filming his friend trying to break a coconut open and drink from it. Is that that interesting? Last week, I saw a bunch of dudes trying to throw objects at hanging coconuts. Attempting to get them down.

Side Story: My Coconut Experience
I guess as a kid I had a friend with a machete once. Why? I don’t know, we were kids and we found a machete. We found a coconut on the ground and tried to break it open with our newly acquired machete. Once it was opened we saw there wasn’t much liquid or anything useful inside. After that, I was never really interested in a coconut again.

Maybe it’s a macho thing. It’s only dudes that I ever see trying to pull down and break open coconuts. Sometimes it’s a group or two guys. Most of the time it’s a guy trying to impress a girl. Don’t you know how stupid you look? Has any girl ever been impressed by a dude opening a coconut? Maybe on a remote island where there is nothing to eat or drink.

In Moana the people of Motunui depend heavily on the coconut.

“Consider the coconut (The what?)
Consider its tree
We use each part of the coconut
That’s all we need

We make our nets from the fibers
The water is sweet inside
We use the leaves to build fires
We cook up the meat inside

Consider the coconut
The trunks and the leaves
The island gives us what we need
And no one leaves”

from “Where You Are” • Moana (Original Motion PicTure Soundtrack)

But I did not grow up in Motunui (as much as I wish I had). I grew up in Key Biscayne. And we have a Winn Dixie, so we don’t need to live off of the wild coconuts and all of its parts. It’s more of a decorative thing for us. So, stop messing with our coconuts you tourists!

Books Read in 2021 + Book Goals for 2022

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In 2021, I read a total of 10.3333 books and one comic book. Here’s a quick list:

Book #1 : Sweat the Technique by Rakim

I first started off listening to the audio version, read by Rakim himself — since it was available on Apple Music. It was cool to hear him not only tell his story, but also read his lyrics since most chapters featured or started with some classic Rakim lyrics.

Book #2 : Ms. Marvel: Super Famous by G. Willow Wilson

This Ms. Marvel run started back in 2014. After reading the first trade issue I wanted to continue the story. I’m now up to volume 5, but I have two more volumes in my personal library. After that I will have to search for more.

Book #3 : CHILLING EFFECT by Valerie Valdes

This is the first sci-fi book I’ve read with a Hispanic protagonist. Val (the author) did a great job incorporating many of the phrases I grew up hearing in a Cuban household — there’s also a bunch of space cats, if you’re into that.

Book #4 : Press Reset by Jason Schreier

I read Jason’s first book, Blood Sweat and Pixels, where each chapter covered the development of a single video game. In Press Reset, each chapter follows different individuals and/or studios. It was cool to hear these stories from a different perspective.

You can catch my full write up on Press Reset here.

Book #5 : Yearbook by Seth Rogen

I’ve read many celebrity memoirs, and the cool thing about Seth Rogen is that he doesn’t mind sharing the stories that most celebrities won’t. It’s like he knows how strange the celebrity world is, and he feels the need to share it with us common folk.

Book #6 : Ready Player Two by Ernest Cline

If you liked Ready Player One (the book or movie), you may or may not like the sequel. I thought it was fine, but my friend who also loved Ready Player One absolutely hated this book.

Ready Player Two was different enough from its predecessor to keep me entertained, although it did rely heavily on the reader’s nostalgia for things of the past, like in the first book.

Book #7 : NBA Jam by Reyan Ali

This book was published by Boss Fight Books which has a very interesting collection of books based on different games. Every book in the Boss Fight Books library focuses on a specific game in a totally different way. There is no formula to a Boss Fight Book, it’s basically whatever the game means to that particular author is what the book is about.

You can catch my previous write up of NBA Jam here.

Book #8 : Ask Iwata by Satoru Iwata (Edited by Hobonichi)

Ask Iwata is a collection of essays, posts and more from Nintendo Legend, Saturo Iwata. Even if you aren’t into video games, this is still a very good book to read. It focuses more on his business philosophies, which can be used in many industries today.

You can find my previous review here.

Book #9 : DUNE by Frank Herbert

My original goal was to read the entirety of DUNE before watching the new film on HBO MAX. I only made it through the first third before the movie was released.

I plan to continue reading DUNE (the book). After watching DUNE (the film), I think the characters, houses and locations will all be easier to digest.

Book #10 : Dream Master by Raheem “Mega Ran” Jarbo

Mega Ran has a very interesting story about how he mixed two of his dreams together to create something cool and new — hip hop and video games. He’s also been through a lot on his way to becoming who he is today.

Check out my previous write up here.

Book #11 : Coraline by Neil Gaiman

A few years ago I started reading books by Neil Gaiman. I read The Graveyard Book, Good Omens, The Ocean at the End of the Lake and possibly some others.

Although I have already seen the movie Coraline I thought I could read the book and re-watch the movie. Plus, it was short and I was able to sneak it in at the end of the year.

Book #12 : The Creative Gene by Hideo Kojima

This was the final book I read in 2021. Hideo Kojima is responsible for the Metal Gear series of games, he’s also one of the biggest names in video games. The Creative Gene is an homage to many of Kojima’s influences — books, movies, shows, music and more.

You can catch my full write up here.

So, I say 10.3333 books because I only read the first part of three in DUNE. I was trying to read the whole book before the movie came to HBO MAX, but I started too late. So, instead I read part one and put it down, which is fine because the movie doesn’t go very far past the first part.

I know I also read a few other comics, I’m just not sure if I finished them. I re-read part of The Vision, Hawkeye and read a bit of Iron Man 2020 and some others. I just haven’t finished them.

A total of 10-12 books is not a terrible number for a full year, especially when we take into account the whole virus thing. My goal for 2022 is not to double or triple the amount of books read. I have two goals for 2022 when it comes to reading.

What’s Next?

Goal #1: Read more than last year.

This can mean reading ten or even twenty more books than last year, or it can mean just one or two more books. I don’t want to put a specific number goal down because I will never meet it. Instead I will reach the halfway mark of 2022, and become instantly overwhelmed when I realize how many books I haven’t read.

I’m almost done with my first book of 2022, so I estimate at this pace that I can maybe read about twenty books, but if I don’t that’s fine too. I know from the past that I can read three books in a row very quickly, followed by a couple of weeks or months of zero reading.

Goal #2: Read more books than I buy.

I love visiting Barnes & Noble and bookstores in general. Many times I end up buying some kind of book when I visit — usually a few books. I have tons of unread books in my collection, all over the place. I always have a small collection of books that are “on deck” to be read next.

Every time I finish a book, I pull out about five to ten books and decide what to read next. I’m usually searching for something that’s pretty different from whatever I just finished. If you look at the order that I read my 2021 books, you might notice that I try to change subjects, genres, or something about whatever I happen to read next.

Like with my credit card payments, my goal this year is to read (pay) more than I buy (spend) each month. I would like to slowly narrow down my current unread collection. There’s also the problem that many times I have my next book selected in my head, only to push it aside when I purchase something new I become more interested in.

No matter what happens, I will spend more time reading, writing and working on more creative projects in 2022.

Bye Bye 2021. Hello 2022!

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2021 was a weird year, right?

Remember back in March of 2020 when everything shut down and we thought, Ok, in a couple of weeks things will be back to normal. I could still go to that Elton John concert in May. Sports won’t be canceled. And all those other silly thoughts we had.

Now it’s 2022 and another COVID infested year has passed us by.

Things started to get a little better for a minute. We got our vaccines and now our boosters — unless you didn’t for whatever reason. Then all of these variants started to come out of the woodwork and ruined all of our progress. 

Now, everyone is testing positive (with the Omicron) but mostly not getting sick. It just ruined their holiday weekend plans and made them stay at home for a few extra days.

Will we ever get rid of this?

But now it’s 2022 and we all have the same question — What’s next???

The answer: I don’t know. 

What I do know is that in 2021 I posted an average of about two learnings per month (maybe a little more), and I plan to be more consistent this year. 

Whether it’s a good year or a bad year. Whether you’re stuck at home or at the office, at least you will find some comfort in reading my stupid posts.

So, I guess I just wanted to say Happy 2022!

Also, stay tuned for more learnings and stuff…

HORRIBLE JOB(S)

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Earlier this year, I learned that someone’s actual job at Target is to collect the items that crappy customers leave out of place, returning them to their actual spot. I guess I always knew this was a job at most retail stores, but it wasn’t until I saw the guy doing it that I felt bad for him. I especially felt bad because I was with my friend who had just left an item two aisles away from where she got it when we ran into the guy.

It was kind of sad and happy at the same time, because her leaving the item meant he had to find it and figure out where it belonged, but it also gave him something to do. Imagine if he just cruised the aisles each day never to find anything out of place, what a boring job. What makes his job fun is that he’s like a pirate searching for a treasure, but once he finds this treasure he has to go on a new adventure to find it’s true home.

So, maybe that’s not such a crappy job, but I did think of something way worse now…

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A few months ago I went to Dadeland Mall to kill time between work and going to the movies. I don’t remember exactly where I went in the mall to kill time, but that’s not important. The important thing is that once I arrived at the mall I really had to make a pee pee. I walked in through Nordstrom because I thought, Nordstrom should have a clean bathroom, right? WRONG! I was way, way wrong.

When I head into any public restroom (is it a restroom or bathroom? I’ll keep restroom, because there’s no bathtub), I usually head into the handicapped stall. And that’s for one reason — there’s way more room in there. Regular stalls are so small today, you can barely close the door without standing on the toilet (and it’s usually quite a dirty toilet). Also, in my mind, the handicapped stall is used less, because there are less handicapped people than non-handicapped people in the world (although I’m sure most non-handicapped people use this stall when no one else is around — I mean I do it).

In case a handicapped person ever does catch me in their stall I already have my story. I’ll tell them this, “Sorry, I’m Claustrophobic and these other stalls are so small that I freak out in there,” I think it’s believable. And if it’s not believable that’s fine, you can wait a few minutes for me, I’m sure I’ve waited behind you in plenty of lines in my life.

Back to Nordstrom. The first thing I noticed was that the women had a “lounge,” not a “bathroom” or “restroom.” Even though the men still only had a restroom and not a lounge, I still thought I was pretty safe in choosing the cleanest bathroom in the mall (which I said before. Just wanted to make sure you’re still paying attention). Well, don’t ever judge a bathroom by it’s store (as some people say…). I walked into the men’s restroom to find loose turds everywhere. There was one on the toilet seat, which I can kind of understand kind of, but also not really. How does someone make it all the way to the toilet and still not make it a swoosh? That hole is pretty big, even when the seat’s down.

There was also poop on the floor almost by the front door. When I saw this I turned on my detective mode in my brain. This means someone either pulled their pants down as they walked in because they couldn’t hold it in anymore and poop just started coming out, like a frogurt machine, since the moment they entered the restroom. Maybe they thought they were done and started leaving the bathroom but were surprised by one last turd that hadn’t made it’s way out yet.

Either way, who’s the sick person who couldn’t clean up their own poop? And how did this person poop all over the floor and toilet seat of a bathroom and go on with their day? Someone has to clean shit that up, literally. Apparently, in Nordstrom it’s someone very lazy, because it hadn’t been picked up yet. Or maybe the person walked in right before me, saw what I saw and quit right on the spot, never telling a soul.

I didn’t even make my pee pee in Nordstrom. I just left in search of a new bathroom. Dadeland has a new wing, so I decided to make my way over there. New wing = new, clean bathrooms, right? Maybe not so right. I practically speed walked over to the bathroom, because I could barely hold my pee pee anymore.

I finally made it to the bathroom and some stupid foreigner was standing in the entrance, playing on his phone. MOVE YOUR SHIT! Is what I yelled in my head, but I just kind of knocked him out of the way with my shoulder, instead. What I found in this bathroom was not as gross, but very confusing. I walked into the first stall I found, because the pee pee was about to come out.

As I finally began peeing, I noticed a mountain of toilet paper on the ground to the left of the toilet. It was almost two feet high, but created out of clean toilet paper (which is much better than dirty toilet paper). Detective mode back on! Did someone come in with a baby, but no stroller, so they created this makeshift baby changing station out of soft-sandpapery, public restroom toilet paper? Or was a stupid kid in here who just wanted to unroll all the TP, but had nowhere to put it? Either way whatever had happened in there was much better than the Nordstrom situation, but I still find myself thinking about it now and this happened months ago.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you’re a Public Bathroom Terrorist and you’re reading this, clean your shit up! But if you are a Public Bathroom Terrorist, then you are probably not reading this, because if you don’t know how to poop into a toilet, or clean up after yourself in a bathroom then you probably can’t read either.

Have a happy day and don’t forget to clean up after yourselves…

Cuban Food: It’s Out of this World!

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Being raised by and living with two real Cubans (my parents) for about 80% of my life, I’ve learned that most Cubans aren’t really into trying new food. They most definitely are not fans of anything spicy. And whenever it’s time for a birthday, graduation or a wake it’s always, “Let’s go to Versailles, La Carreta, Sergio’s, Havana Harry’s or any other Cuban restaurant.” Cuban food is magical and was invented to help us all deal with happiness, success and pain.

Another thing I’ve noticed, especially about my dad, is that anytime I do make him try a new place he always gives it the same review, “No es nada del otro mundo” (it’s nothing out of this world or nothing from another planet). I’ve heard this same review from plenty of other old Cubans in my family and some not in my family.

If you’re holding every new meal to that standard, then you’re never going to find something you like. I don’t know what they’re searching for, but whatever it is they probably won’t find it here on Earth. Where do Old Cubans think Cuban food comes from? A secret space station? The Millennium Falcon? Pandora?

Everything we have ever eaten so far has been “from this world.” None of the Old Cubans I know were ever astronauts, so I don’t know what kind of space cakes and moon pies they think they’ll find. I’m sure if we did try the cuisine from Mars or Venus it wouldn’t be very tasty. Did you see how much trouble Matt Damon went through just to grow plants on Mars (in The Martian)? An extraordinary amount of trouble.

I love Cuban food, especially croquetas and vaca frita and tres leches and flan and the bread is simply amazing (with and without butter, toasted and untoasted, it’s always great).

As a young whippersnapper I only ate hot dogs, chicken nuggets and pizza. It wasn’t until I watched Good Burger in the theater that I thought, Hey, I should give hamburgers another try! We went straight to Burger King, where I learned what burgers should taste like (or that’s what I thought at the time). Now, I enjoy trying all types of new cuisine from all over the world. (I’m no Andrew Zimmern or Anthony Bourdain, but I’ll try some stuff at Epcot Food & ‘Lines’ Festival).

Attempting to take my parents to a new place is tough, they just want something familiar. Anything not Cuban “sounds weird” to them. They like sticking to old Cuban restaurants or famous chains that they already trust. I feel this may be common in most Cubans who were born on that island.

Maybe someone (aka the government) was trying to poison everyone on the island, so they only ate at places they already trusted. Now, since coming to Miami, they’ve found their few safe restaurants and will continue dining at those and only those few spots.

Another thing with this older generation is that they were brought up on the crappy food pyramid and they have no idea what’s healthy and what isn’t. You try to explain what’s bad and why it’s bad, but they listen to idiots like Dr. Oz, Wolf Blitzer and GMA instead.

I know what’s healthy and what I should be eating. However, I choose to eat what’s not healthy because I am still kind of young and the healthy food isn’t as delicious. In fact, the healthy food usually tastes like butt and life is too short to waste it eating gross, healthy food (like quinoa and kale). But by eating that healthy, crap food you may have a longer life. But it won’t be much longer, so eat what you want. Just make sure to try new things along the way.


If you liked this Learning you should “Like,” “Comment” and/or “Share” it. That way other people will get to enjoy it too… Like DMX said, “Stop being greedy.”

ANGRY BERNIE AT BEST BUY

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Last Friday, I decided to go to Best Buy after work to check out the Wacom Tablets. After watching my work neighbor/partner, Jose, create an awesome piece of art in no time at all, I thought maybe I should buy one for myself. I owned a tablet for about a week in my time at Miami Ad School, but I returned it to get a GoPro which I haven’t used in a few years.

So, back to Best Buy. I walked into the store knowing I was in a rush. I had to go pick up a cake from Miss Patty Cakes, plus I also had to get home in time for dinner with my family. However, I still thought a quick stop at Best Buy would be fine.

There is no such thing as a “quick stop” at Best Buy for me. I took a quick 10-15 minute detour to check out movies, music and finally video games before finally making my way to the tablet section. I grabbed the Wacom Intuos Draw (the entry-level model) and walked over to the front of the store. I checked the Amazon price on my phone and it was only $0.01 cheaper so I put my phone away — no price matching necessary.

When I arrived at the front of the store I was greeted by a very long line of people. Way too long for a Friday at almost 7pm when I’m in a hurry to get home. I started walking towards the back of the line. I was on the verge of leaving the tablet in a random spot of the store, but I’m not that type of person. Also, I didn’t want to have to wait until next week to get it. I immediately noticed a second register was open with only the one person paying at it. This line was all for one register, or so I thought.

 

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I quickly skipped the long line and went straight for the other register with no line, where a customer was finishing their purchase.

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As I walked over to the non-line, an Old Angry Bernie Sanders-lookin’ Fool from the other line yelled out, “Uh, Excuse me. Don’t you see us all waiting in line?”

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*Side note: I was never going to vote for Bernie Sanders, but after this man yelled at me I will most definitely never support Bernie Sanders and it’s all because he will forever remind me of this guy. Hillary 2016! And if you don’t agree with that then you’re sexist. Also, she is the only candidate who has ever slept in the White House — for 8 years.

She’s been there, done that. She even knows which cupboard they keep the Diet Coke in. If you told Bernie where the the Diet Coke is, he’d probably forget within two hours. His whole presidency would be him trying to find where they keep the Diet Coke, with one of his White House servants constantly reminding him over and over again.

Once again, back to Best Buy. I told “Angry Bernie” that I did see him and the others waiting in a single line for the other register, but this one had no line and was fair game. Next, Angry Bernie tried to explain to me how lines work at Best Buy. I go to Best Buy a lot, like at least once a week, sometimes more. I know how the lines work. I’m a Premier Silver Reward Card Member, Angry Bernie! So, don’t try to tell me how lines work at Best Buy. It’s not a bank, there’s no velvet rope walkway. Each register has it’s own line.

Also, these two registers were on opposite sides of the same checkout counter [see exhibit a], if we would have had an [exhibit b] situation on our hands then I wouldn’t have skipped the line.

 

Whatever Angry Bernie said to me after that I cannot recall. I believe he called me rude at some point. But guess what, those people were Angry Bernie followers, and I’m my own person who chose to form my own line (in the interest of time). I’m not going to stand in his line just because they’re all afraid of Angry Bernie.

Once Angry Bernie paid he left and said nothing to me, which is how it should have been.One more thing happened after he left, though.

As I was paying, the girl who had been behind Angry Bernie had just finished paying. She walked right up to me and said, “I’m sorry about that guy. He was a real dick!” And I said, I know right! This made me feel much better, but I still had to call Elizabeth from the car to talk about this angry old idiot.

I guess the moral of the story is you don’t always have to listen to your elders, because some of them are just crazy, stupid fools. I guess you should just listen to your elder relatives, unless you know for sure that they too are crazy. In that case, don’t listen to anyone but yourself, unless you’re also crazy.

P.S. I made these artsy explanations with the help of my new Wacom Tablet, and I look forward to making more artwork with it and sharing it with you all.

Thanks, see you next week.

Ferdi’s Ice Cream History

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Last week I announced to the world that I am going to start making Ice Cream for everyone… [for Money]. So, now I have to come up with a whole business plan and all that jazz. I didn’t think people were going to be so excited, but they were. Now I kind of wish I had more hands so I could make more ice cream for more people (having more hands wouldn’t really help at all. What I really need is more Freezer bowls, or maybe an industrial ice cream machine. That would be pretty sweet).

How did I get into this whole Ice cream thing? I’ll tell you:

A few years ago I was given an ice cream machine (by Buttnessa*), so I could make ice cream for her. And I did. We made a Mascarpone Chocolate Chip Ice Cream (a la Giada) that was delicious. And I’ve made it a few more times since. After making that ice cream I used the machine a few more times and then it just sat there for a while.

I found a Ben & Jerry’s recipe book for only $5 with very simple recipes. That’s when I began experimenting with more ice cream creations. This book told me to just quickly mix my ingredients together and throw them in the ice cream machine and see what happens.

Later, I came across a new ice cream recipe book from Bi-Rite Creamery in San Francisco. I’ve never been there, but I hope to one day go visit them (and let them know that they either changed my life and maybe some others). This book taught me about “cooking” the cream before freezing it (like some Walter White Blue Magic chemistry experiment ice cream). This was a much longer process, but with much creamier and much more delectable results.

I made a few recipes from the book and created some of my own, starting with their bases and adding whatever I felt like throwing in there.

This Christmas I decided to make ice cream for my friends, because that’s cheaper than buying everyone gifts and I had no money. It was during Christmas that I developed my own ice cream base recipe (which I will not share with anyone). Everyone loved their ice cream, and some of them told me their friends were over and tried some and said they would pay money for it. (I even made an ice cream birthday cake for my best friend, sIsI*).

It was through all this ice cream making that I came up with the idea to sell my ice cream to strangers and friends (for money).

So, starting some time in May, I will make the announcement of how to place your orders, what the name of my ice cream will be, what you can order and all that other good stuff. So, be prepared world (or people in Miami, because I can’t ship ice cream across the world, YET… but dry ice does exist, so keep your fingers crossed non-Miami friends) because my ice cream is coming for you!
*The real names and identities of individuals named in this learning have been changed to protect those individuals.

DUNKIN DONUTS IS FULL OF LIES!

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Last night I was watching some TV and I saw a DUNKIN DONUTS commercial telling me to:

“Try the new caramel macchiato.”

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Guess what DUNKIN! If that’s even your real name. If that’s an actual human’s name then your parents had shit spelling skills. So, as I was saying. Guess what Mr. DUNKIN! Starbucks created the Caramel Macchiato forever ago. Actually someone in Italy probably created it even before Starbucks. And tons of other coffee shops everywhere have them on the menu.

Next time you want to make a commercial introducing something new to your coffee menu, how about you actually introduce “something new.” Not something new for you, but old and regular to the rest of the world. Maybe a liquid donut coffee drink, or a munchkin hot chocolate. I don’t know, I’m just spitballing here.

Did PAPA JOHN’s make a commercial to first introduce their Pepperoni Pizza? I don’t think so. They were just like, “we got cheese and we got pepperoni,” at first. Now they make commercials to show off all the new pizzas. Six Cheese Tuscan. Three types of sausage. They even make commercials showing off that the Papa is friends with Peyton Manning.

If I learned anything from this Super Bowl a few weeks ago it’s that Peyton Manning loves Pizza and Budweiser. Also, that Puppy-Monkey-Baby is the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. If that thing is real someone needs to kill it, like yesterday.

So, back to DUNKIN DONUTS. Next time you want to introduce me and the rest of the world to some new coffee drink, make sure I’ve never heard of it before. Or just say, “Now serving [Insert some coffee drink I’ve already heard of here] at our stores.” I’ve been drinking caramel macchiatos since the early 2000’s, bruh! (that’s how Kanye says it, right?)

Another thing DUNKIN DONUTS. I don’t know if you’ve changed your slogan yet, but “America Runs on Dunkin,” really? Eating or drinking anything from DUNKIN DONUTS has never made me feel like “Running.” It’s more like, “America walks on Dunkin,” or, “America sleeps on Dunkin,” or anything else that doesn’t require much physical activity. You’re welcome for your new slogan, now pay me.

I am a Mutant

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Lil’ Wayne says he’s a Martian, but I think he is actually a black robot. This week I learned that I am a Mutant, actually we all may be mutants (even Lil’ Wayne). I know for sure that I have Wolverine’s power and I’m pretty sure other people do too (healing power, not the stabbing people with your bones/metal skeleton).

The other day I burnt my finger taking some cornbread out of the oven. I had a burn mark for a few days, until my skin fell off and then I had an open wound. I covered it up with a band-aid for a few days, and now it is closed with a small scar, but I’m sure the scar will be gone soon.

I’m not sure if I can come back from a bullet to the head like Wolverine, and I don’t think I am willing to find out. Even if I do possess that power, I know it is still painful to get shot.

Think of how many times you have cut yourself. I’m sure some of the bad ones have left scars, but for the most part your skin went back to normal. Now, I am no scientist (What’s up, Scientist!), so I believe that there is no reasonable explanation for our bodies self healing factor, and that we are mutants (also, it’s way cooler to think that I’m a mutant).

Maybe this has to do with all the comic books I’ve been reading since I went to Super Con with my buddy, Worms. Maybe it’s all this nerd/geek stuff I’ve been doing lately. I hope I am able to discover some other mutant powers soon (Maybe one that’s more Bad Ass). If I do “learn” of some new powers I will definitely talk about them here.

Till then, stay clean and stay cool my humans (or mutants?).

Ceelo’s Pajamas

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This week I learned that I want to be just like Ceelo (Green) when I grow up. No, I don’t want to be a judge on the voice, or make songs like “Forget You,” or be a part of the Dungeon Family. I want to be able to go out in public in my pajamas and have society be OK with it. 

This morning Ceelo was on the Today show with K. Lee and Hodi. He was there in his Pajamas. I guess the Today show is one place anyone can wear their pajamas, since it is a morning time show, but I bet if Ceelo was on a Late Night Talk Show, he still would have worn his pajamas. 

I would love to see Ceelo’s closet (I’m pretty sure I can if I search the MTV Cribs archives). I want to see if he has anything other than pajamas. If Ceelo was showing us his closet it would probably go something like this “Hey y’all, what’s up? I’m Ceelo Green. Here is my extravagant collection of pajamas. This section is my sleeping pajamas, here are my going out pajamas, these are my work pajamas, these are my recording studio pajamas, and these are my work out pajamas.” That is all he would have, Pajamas. I guess he would also have a sweet collection of slippers (You can’t wear your Jordan’s with your pajamas!).

So, basically all I want to do is be able to hang around in my pajamas all day. My pajamas are my boxers, so I guess that will never be acceptable in society. I would be satisfied with making it Sweatpants Sunday everyday, as long as it is the wintertime.