Remember back in March of 2020 when everything shut down and we thought, Ok, in a couple of weeks things will be back to normal. I could still go to that Elton John concert in May. Sports won’t be canceled. And all those other silly thoughts we had.
Now it’s 2022 and another COVID infested year has passed us by.
Things started to get a little better for a minute. We got our vaccines and now our boosters — unless you didn’t for whatever reason. Then all of these variants started to come out of the woodwork and ruined all of our progress.
Now, everyone is testing positive (with the Omicron) but mostly not getting sick. It just ruined their holiday weekend plans and made them stay at home for a few extra days.
Will we ever get rid of this?
But now it’s 2022 and we all have the same question — What’s next???
The answer: I don’t know.
What I do know is that in 2021 I posted an average of about two learnings per month (maybe a little more), and I plan to be more consistent this year.
Whether it’s a good year or a bad year. Whether you’re stuck at home or at the office, at least you will find some comfort in reading my stupid posts.
Every single day there are so many cars on the road. And up until recently all of those cars were being controlled by humans. Google and other big tech companies have already started testing out self-driving and robot cars, but I don’t think we’re even ready for this technology.
According to the research from Dayton, Ohio law firm The Brannon Law Firm there were an average of almost 16,000 car accidents per day across the US between 2005 and 2016. That sounds like a lot, but divided across the 50 states (320 daily), and tons of cities and towns (even less) — just think about how many car accidents (including small fender benders) you see each week while driving.
When you think about the roughly 150 million cars on the US streets each day, that is just a small percentage (0.01%). With all of these cars being controlled by humans — humans who now have smartphones and even more ways to easily be distracted than ever before — it’s kind of surprising that so many of us make it to our destination without any problems.
Back in the day the main distractions were the radio and billboards. Billboards are such a strange concept, especially today. You’re not supposed to be texting or reading on your phone, but it’s fine for some big company to pay a bunch of money to put some giant reading material to the side of the road for drivers?
Have you ever been driving on a crowded highway full of speeding cars and wondered How are we all doing this right now? Seriously, it’s like Olympic synchronized swimming* — Click on the link!
It’s a miracle to see so many cars moving on the same multi-lane highway at such high speeds without everyone running into each other. The only thing keeping us from hitting each other is some paint on the ground which creates an imaginary lane for each car, and somehow that works.
Have you ever driven down a dark one lane highway, with cars headed in both directions, at night? This also makes no sense. You can’t even see what’s coming up ahead unless until right before it’s time to adjust. If there’s a car headed towards you with their headlights on, you can’t really see because they are blinding you.
Maybe you don’t think about these things and it’s just me. It didn’t start until recently. Maybe not driving much during the pandemic has made me appreciate driving on the highway a bit more. Anytime I drive on the highway these days I think, Wow, I haven’t been here in a while. Look at how fast I’m going! And from there I started thinking about the miracle of the highway and all of the cars working together.
If you haven’t thought about any of this then watch this last Olympic Synchronized Swimming video*. Seriously, this is just as impressive as what normal drivers are doing on the highway every single day.
*Sorry, NBC doesn’t allow their Olympic videos to be posted directly to other sites, so I guess you’ll just have to follow the links to YouTube. I hope you enjoy these two videos and please, drive safely. Otherwise the robots will come steal all of our cars and no humans will be driving, ever again.
There’s one main reason why I prefer using my MacBook Pro over my PC for most of my “internet surfing.” People still call it surfin’ the internet, right?
Anytime I buy something or create a username for any website I come across a CAPTCHA quiz where my computer gets to decide whether or not I am a human. What’s with all of the pop quizzes, internet?
These quizzes used to consist of strange combinations of letters and numbers that have passed through some wild time vortex. Those were easier than the visual ones of today. Anytime I am forced to choose which boxes contain [the secret item of the day] I’m only about 50% sure I’m right.
Is the pole part of the traffic light? Do jetskis count as boats? Is a boat still a boat if it’s on a trailer and not in the water? If most humans wouldn’t eat it, is it still considered food?
I didn’t know I had to go through an existential crisis to sign up for Bed, Bath and Beyond’s email list, or to buy concert tickets. Why are all of these robots wasting their time buying concert tickets and joining mailing lists? Who programmed them to do this?
They also never flat out tell you when you’re wrong, instead they move on to a new word. Maybe you’re just a dumb dumb, try again to convince me you are not a robot.
Why MacBook over PC:
Back to my main point: On my PC I have to actually choose which pictures are boats, roads, crosswalks or whatever they’re asking for. My MacBook (most of the time) assumes it’s still me and not a robot hijacking my Mac. So, it rarely goes into the guessing game. Instead I check the box I am not a robot (checkmark), and I continue with my purchase or whatever it is I’m doing.
So, although Macs are more expensive than your normal everyday PC, it’s definitely worth paying that extra money, just because your MacBook will remember that you are not a robot. If you don’t mind your computer accusing you of being a robot time and time again, then go ahead and get that DELL (or HP, or whatever Windows PC).
Anytime I’ve asked a mechanic, “How often should I change my oil?” The answer has always been every 5,000 to 7,000 miles — depending on what oil I’m using. I never really pay attention to the second part of their advice, “…or every three to six months.”
I’ve never had to listen to that part. I’ve always reached the mile goal before the time limit. Also, I always give it a few extra hundred or thousand miles — just to be safe. Even though the oil change recommendation sticker usually says “See you at [some number] miles OR [this date].” I’ve always taken it as, “See you at [some number] miles AND [this date].” Plus, some extra on both.
During the pandemic this whole oil sticker thing became a mess. While the time limit was way past due, I wasn’t even halfway to my mile goal. It didn’t make sense to me. How often do you change your oil when you’re not putting any miles on your car? Never…
I did eventually get my oil changed — possibly too late, as always. My car also has a meter that tells me my oil life in percentage. I don’t know how it works so I don’t truly trust it. I don’t think it’s actually testing my oil by reading any specific levels or anything like that. I believe it’s just a slow countdown in percentage.
The oil life meter is now at 30%-ish, so I guess it’s time for another oil change — soon.
If this helped at least one person realize that they need to get an oil change because they forgot that oil changes were a thing in this crazy year, then I have done my job.
Remember when arm wrestling was a thing in movies? There was a time where most movies had a scene (usually at a bar) where one character had to arm wrestle another person (usually a giant strong dude) for information, some form of goods or just to prove themselves. This was in the 80s and 90s.
Some companies were dedicated to making specialty arm wrestling tables where you’d strap in your elbow and grab a small handle with your non-wrestling hand to have a stable arm wrestling match.
Arm wrestling was even a thing you would see on real TV sometimes (like how you see cornhole tournaments, grocery bagging championships and cup stacking competitions today on ESPN). There was an arm wrestling league where people would arm wrestle each other in tournaments to see who had the strongest dominant arm.
Side Note: I actually looked it up and WAL, aka the World Armwrestling League is still a thing and there’s a Buffalo Wild Wings Open, so I guess it’s time we all boycott Buffalo Wild Wings?
I bet becoming the arm wrestling world champ is much easier as a lefty — less competition.
I’m not saying we should bring back the practice of arm wrestling, in fact, I think the exact opposite is true. I hope I never have to see another arm wrestling match in a movie ever again. If I see two people trying to arm wrestle in a bar I’m leaving that bar and I will never return.
Arm wrestling is a stupid thing of the past and it should be made illegal and forever banned in the entire world. I’m sorry if you’re reading this and you happen to be a professional arm wrestler, because that means you’ve wasted your life and you’re just realizing that right now as you read this.
So, in conclusion, Arm wrestling sucks. Why not be a full-body wrestler instead? Well, not a “real” Olympic wrestler because that’s boring to watch, be in the WWE and have a fun backstory. Have a cool finishing move that doesn’t make sense, but people are still afraid of it. Get your hands on that championship belt.
Or, if instead you don’t want to be any type of wrestler that’s ok too. Just keep doing whatever it is you were doing before you read this.
Let me start off by saying that I am a trained advertiser. My certificate from the Miami Ad School will prove that to you. Check it out right here:
I am an also award-winning copywriter. My Andy Award will prove it to you. (I’ve received other awards too, they just wanted us to pay to create a physical version, so we didn’t do that). Check it out right here:
So, I think I’m pretty qualified to analyze Super Bowl Ads. Now, I did not watch the entire Super Bowl, and there’s only one set of ads that I want to talk about — the T-Mobile ones. And although they were very clever and funny, the overall message just doesn’t work and I’ll tell you why. (I hope none of my friends from Ad School were involved with these).
First off, did you watch the video above? Ok, good…
The ad says, DON’T TRUST YOUR LOVE LIFE TO JUST ANY NETWORK. T-Mobile is blaming Adam Levine’s “bad network” for Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani ending up together. So, if Adam Levine would have been using T-Mobile 5G back “a few year ago” then we wouldn’t have Blake and Gwen together today.
A few weeks ago, Bill Maher talked about how America needs a couple like Blake and Gwen to show us that we can all get along. If Blake and Gwen, two people with completely different political beliefs, can find a way to love each other then we should all be able to love each other too (Of course, some people are racist and evil and you don’t have to love them). This ad shows me that T-Mobile supports a divided country and that’s not cool. I am so glad to be an AT&T customer and I hope to one day have a poor service, life-changing FaceTime call with someone.
Now onto the second ad in this series: Gronk and Brady
The second ad shows that a poor service FaceTime call between Tom Brady and Gronk is the whole reason Tom Brady didn’t retire and won another Super Bowl. It’s also the reason why Gronk was forced to come back and get another ring with him. So, again if these two dudes had T-Mobile at the time of this call they would have been living a boring retired life instead of adding to their Super Bowl bling collections.
So, what we have learned from these two commercials? Sometimes, great things happen when you have crappy service.
For these ads to have worked in T-Mobile’s favor they should have reversed the messaging to: Bad things happen when you have crappy service.
* * *
There is only one Super Bowl commercial that has ever mattered to me. It was for Colgate (even though I’ve always been a Crest person and now a Sensodyne person). The commerical basically said, “Hey! Turn off the water while you brush your teeth, dummy!” It’s been five years and I still think of that message whenever I leave the faucet on while brushing my teeth.
So, that and of course anything featuring talking M&M’s always wins as my favorite commercials.
Side Note: *The truth is most people are stupid and they’ll just think, ‘Aw, those T-Mobile commercials were real funny. I think I’ll get T-Mobile.’ And they won’t over-analyze the whole situation like me and that’s fine. I don’t actually believe that T-Mobile supports a divided country, I believe they are just as evil as the rest of the phone companies (including AT&T).
Come with me to a magical time. A time before this pandemic. A time where we could freely leave our homes to do things with other people and not be worried about masks, social distancing, being indoors, crowds… (I started writing this learning a few months ago, but never got to finish. And now I have completed it, but have added corrections due to the current situation we all find ourselves in).
Bowling always is was a fun thing to do. I don’t go very often, EVER! Up untilthis past weekend some time in February or March, the only time I’d go bowling was on Christmas day when my friend and his wife were in town. However, this weekend many, many months ago we went bowling with some friends, and it was a pretty fun time. (I call bowling a game and not a sport, because even the Pros drink beer while bowling — that’s still true).
There is however one thing that they can change about bowling will probably be changed whenever it comes back, if it isn’t back already. Any time that you have to share a bowling lane/area with another group of strangers they are always loud and annoying. I don’t think we’re going to be allowed to share bowling areas with strangers anymore, and that’s a great thing.
You always get grouped with a big, loud family, a birthday party full of unsupervised children who are high on cake and pizza or some other obnoxious group. It’s never a quiet old couple or a group you would actually get along with. No matter who you’re paired with in bowling, they are always going to suck.
Bowling would be much better if they treated it like an Asian private karaoke bar (these could still be open during the pandemic). Every lane is a private room and you don’t have to deal with another party or strangers (also a great idea during the COVID times). If bowling were like this everyone could be as loud or annoying as they want to be, to their own group. If the people you were bowling near hated you, it would be because your friends actually hate you.
Also, why is it that no one can ever remember which ball they were rolling with (this will always be a problem in bowling)? Any time you get up to bowl and there’s a mix of two groups, your ball is always missing. You end up trying out every ball on the belt. Why can’t people keep track of their balls? Anytime it’s my turn and my ball is missing, I almost always see the stranger in the next lane rolling it (This is my second time calling it “rolling a bowling ball,” is that really what it’s called?).
Also, these huge groups bring way too many balls to the bowling area. There are always several balls that no one is using that just stay there the entire night (yes, because only psychos go bowling in the day time).
And one more thing, why do bowling shoes look like that? They always have some ugly doo doo brown color mixed in. They have your shoe size in a large font, what if you don’t want people knowing how large your feet are? Do you ask for a smaller size and just deal with it all night?
I guess what I’m saying is Bowling is weird! And, it’s about to get a lot weirder if it hasn’t already.
Has the Coronavirus infiltrated your dream world? For the most part my dreams haven’t contained much COVID yet (no masks or social distancing necessary). Most of my dreams have taken place in the past or possibly some alternate reality where this whole pandemic debacle hasn’t even happened (or maybe we had a real grown up president in my dreams who knew to listen to the smart people in the room and the whole thing has passed).
In my last dream, I discovered that I had a check for $1,500 from DMX (yes, that DMX the rapper AKA Earl Simmons). Maybe it came from one of his albums that I had owned (It’s Dark and Hell is Hot? Flesh of my Flesh,Blood of my Blood? The Great Depression?)
In my dream, I obviously went to the bank to check if this check was for real. I ran into a friend at the bank, helped start her car and from there the whole thing transformed into a murder mystery inside of the bank/haunted mansion (because now the bank had transformed into a haunted mansion).
I never found out if that check from DMX was real or not. I definitely searched my room for it in the morning (Spoiler Alert! I found nothing but a few DMX CDs). (…And then there was X, Grand Champ, The Great Depression)
I guess what I really wanted to say is, “Dreams are weird. Wear a mask and vote for Biden!”
-Also, I owned most of DMX’s discography, so maybe the dude does owe me a check.
Spiderwebs are one of the true wonders of nature. They are so beautiful to see — in photos. However, one of the worst things that could happen to you in life is walking through a spiderweb.
One is never prepared to walk through a spiderweb. And the worst part is, you never know if the spider is home or not. What if some other creepy critter (“The Captured”) is around waiting to be dinner? Now they’re your problem.
The other day I walked through a spiderweb and it was not (and never is) a pleasant experience. I flailed my arms and it somehow always feels like some of the web is in your mouth.
This event sparked multiple questions into my mind, but the main one was, “Where do spiderwebs come from?”
Spiders! Of course, but how?
How does something so tiny and spooky create such a marvelous work of art? The short answer (from Google) is using proteins to make silk. Wow, what a crazy world we live in.