What Would I Do For a Klondike Bar?

I very much remember the commercials for Klondike bars as a kid, “What would you do-oh-ooh for a Klondike bar.” If you don’t remember them that’s ok, here’s one from the year I was born (1986):

Strange Klondike commercial from the year I was born.

Side Note: I also remember there was a big shaggy sheepdog in my neighborhood named Klondike who gave the best big shaggy hugs. We’d be outside playing basketball or rollerblading (or whatever kids were doing back in the 90s) and we’d always stop whatever we were doing to give Klondike a big smelly, shaggy hug. He was a big sweet boy.

I have always loved ice cream, but I never really got into Klondike bars in my childhood. Maybe the strange ads turned me off of them? Oh, wait, I have to complete a task for the right to enjoy one of these? No thanks, I’ll just get some regular ice cream from the store, instead. It wasn’t until way later on in life (most likely at a friend’s house) that I was finally able to try one.

I first tried the regular chocolate shell with vanilla ice cream inside. It was fine, but the market was full of competition in the milk chocolate shell/vanilla ice cream game. Haagen Daaz had their “hand-dipped” bars, Dove had their mini tunnel shaped ones, Blue Bell and Blue Bunny probably had something similar.

(Cut to the pandemic) I’ve been doing groceries for my parents each week, and I always like to go for what’s on sale when I can (It’s fun to see how much money you saved at the end of grocery shopping. It’s like a built-in mini-game). Klondikes were recently buy one, get one free (for a couple of weeks, actually). So, I got some Oreo, Heath, Reese’s (I’ve tried a few different flavors and I plan on trying a few more). And after trying a few different versions, I can now say that I am a big fan of Klondike bars and what they have to offer.

Now, going back to the commercial, I don’t think I would do anything crazy for a Klondike bar. They are delicious, but I would still just pay a couple dollars for one or a few of them. I would possibly make a trade, using an item I don’t really care for, for one. 

Maybe trade in some other treats? But other than just buying it or trading for it, I don’t think there’s much else I would do for a Klondike bar. I do really enjoy them, I just wouldn’t trade a functional kidney for one or anything unnecessary.

Black Fuzzy Dice

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I am not a horrible person, but I do have a pair of black fuzzy dice hanging on my car’s rearview mirror. Why did I have to start that sentence withI am not a horrible person”? Lately, I’ve noticed other cars and drivers with fuzzy dice on their rearview mirror, and most of them look like the type of people I don’t want to be associated with. I won’t go into what type of people they look like, but I’ll tell you it does rhyme with minimal.

Have you ever seen a car on the street with fuzzy dice on the rearview mirror? Maybe not since the 1980’s, but when you do end up next to one of these drivers the first thing you do is lock your doors. Then, you think to yourself, does this make me racist?  

Why do I keep the dice on my mirror then? I have to. I learned how to drive with them about 15 years ago. And if I took them down it would be weird not to have something obstructing my view. Also, I like keeping other drivers on their toes, give them a little scare. They see the dice first and freak out, but then they see me and may think, he don’t look so bad.

Another reason I have to keep the dice is so it’s easier to spot my car. There’s only so many makes, models and colors of cars. What if I happen to park next to or near a car that looks identical to mine? I’ll know mine is the one with the black fuzzy dice, but also I have a clicker that only works for my car.

Where did these black fuzzy dice come from? I bought them on a weekend field trip to Sawgrass Mills Mall with my mom back in middle school. A friend and I bought them together (or my mom probably bought them for us, because we were young and poor), because we thought they would look sweet on our BMX bikes. And guess what? They did look pretty sweet on our BMX bikes, so sweet in fact that I had to move them to my mom’s van when I first started driving. From there they went to my Ford Focus (my first car), then my X-Terra (second car) and now they’re on my Jeep (new car), but it may be time to finally retire these black fuzzy dice.

The dice are in horrible condition. When I bought them they were black, now they are grey-ish from years in the hot Florida sun. They are no longer a working pair of 6-sided dice. They are now 1, 2, 2, 4, 5, 5 dice. I’ve lost a few dots along the way.

What’s the first thing someone does when they see my black fuzzy dice? Anytime someone gets in my car for the first time, they slap my dice (probably the reason for missing dots). Other people slap the dice anytime they get in my car. And the most annoying people slap them over and over as I drive somewhere. I can deal with the obstruction of vision, but when you slap them you’re just adding new blind zones and making it easier for me to crash and kill us both.

I will retire these dice soon if (1) someone buys me a brand new pair (I saw some nice Mickey dice in Disney, but they are a bit smaller so I haven’t bought them yet), (2) someone steals them, if they are stolen I will have no other choice but to retire my fuzzy dice, (3) or if I happen to buy some dice myself (which is probably the least likely to happen).

So, next time any of you are in Sawgrass Mills and you happen to see some sweet fuzzy dice or some other rearview mirror ornament that might look swell on my Jeep, go ahead and buy them for me. You may even get a free ice cream or Nana pudding.

Also, order some ice cream and nana pudding, I got to pay my bills somehow…

Ferdi’s Ice Cream History

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Last week I announced to the world that I am going to start making Ice Cream for everyone… [for Money]. So, now I have to come up with a whole business plan and all that jazz. I didn’t think people were going to be so excited, but they were. Now I kind of wish I had more hands so I could make more ice cream for more people (having more hands wouldn’t really help at all. What I really need is more Freezer bowls, or maybe an industrial ice cream machine. That would be pretty sweet).

How did I get into this whole Ice cream thing? I’ll tell you:

A few years ago I was given an ice cream machine (by Buttnessa*), so I could make ice cream for her. And I did. We made a Mascarpone Chocolate Chip Ice Cream (a la Giada) that was delicious. And I’ve made it a few more times since. After making that ice cream I used the machine a few more times and then it just sat there for a while.

I found a Ben & Jerry’s recipe book for only $5 with very simple recipes. That’s when I began experimenting with more ice cream creations. This book told me to just quickly mix my ingredients together and throw them in the ice cream machine and see what happens.

Later, I came across a new ice cream recipe book from Bi-Rite Creamery in San Francisco. I’ve never been there, but I hope to one day go visit them (and let them know that they either changed my life and maybe some others). This book taught me about “cooking” the cream before freezing it (like some Walter White Blue Magic chemistry experiment ice cream). This was a much longer process, but with much creamier and much more delectable results.

I made a few recipes from the book and created some of my own, starting with their bases and adding whatever I felt like throwing in there.

This Christmas I decided to make ice cream for my friends, because that’s cheaper than buying everyone gifts and I had no money. It was during Christmas that I developed my own ice cream base recipe (which I will not share with anyone). Everyone loved their ice cream, and some of them told me their friends were over and tried some and said they would pay money for it. (I even made an ice cream birthday cake for my best friend, sIsI*).

It was through all this ice cream making that I came up with the idea to sell my ice cream to strangers and friends (for money).

So, starting some time in May, I will make the announcement of how to place your orders, what the name of my ice cream will be, what you can order and all that other good stuff. So, be prepared world (or people in Miami, because I can’t ship ice cream across the world, YET… but dry ice does exist, so keep your fingers crossed non-Miami friends) because my ice cream is coming for you!
*The real names and identities of individuals named in this learning have been changed to protect those individuals.