Category Archives: Cool Stuff

Two Week Break? (GoT)

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This weekend I learned that there will be no new Game of Thrones this Sunday. I have to wait two weeks for the next Game of Thrones episode (Thanks Memorial Day weekend!). The problem I have with this is that I forget everything that happens on Game of Thrones, and by giving me more time between episodes that gives me more time to forget important things going on.

I just remembered on Monday that “The Hound” and “The Mountain” are brothers. I only remembered this because I saw an info-graphic online that shows all the characters relations on Game of Thrones. We were watching the show at a friends house and they were like “It’s the Mountain,” and I just said “Cool!” but I had no idea what that meant (until the next day!).

Game of Thrones is one of the most confusing shows I have ever watched. I probably have no idea what is going on, even though I think I know a little bit. However, I still love this show, and will continue watching. Even if I hated this show, I would keep watching it just so that the internet wouldn’t ruin it for me every Monday.

Most times while watching this show I feel like Jon Snow, because I know nothing (also, because If I lived in the realm of Game of Thrones I would be known as “Ferdi Snow” since I was born a bastard).

If you watch Game of Thrones you have to watch it Sunday night, or you have to stay off the internet, because Game of Thrones is everyone’s favorite thing to talk about on Monday. If you are waiting for the season or series to end, so you can binge watch the whole thing, then please do yourself a favor and go live in a cave, with no internet.

I have decided to buy the books when I get my next B&N online coupon. I will attempt to read as many books as I can and maybe re-watch the seasons over the break (before season 4 or 5 or whatever comes next?). I will become a Game of Thrones expert before the next season starts, or I shall die trying!

 

(If you are also having problems understanding what is going on on Game of Thrones, watch the video below. It is funny, but it will help you remember some of the things that happened in Seasons 1-3…)

New Shorts! (kind of…)

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Last week I learned that my blue shorts I got a while ago that didn’t fit me at the time, finally fit me, so I wore them out. These shorts helped me realize that I have a lot of clothes that doesn’t fit me, yet. Mostly stuff that is too small for my large man body.

I started thinking why do I have all this clothes that doesn’t fit me? and I thought of a few reasons. The main reason is that I am usually too lazy to return things, so when I buy or receive clothes (as a gift) that doesn’t quite fit me, but almost does, I just keep it. I think, this will soon fit me.

When I do this it gives me a new goal in life, to fit into this clothes. It’s never really one of my main goals, it’s usually more of a long-term goal. It’s more like this will fit me, when it fits me. I’m not rushing into these new clothes, I still have a ton of old clothes that fits me right now. I’m preparing for the future, when I finally lose some weight.

Imagine losing a bunch of pounds (lbs), and one day you wake up and nothing fits you. All your shorts and pants just slide right off when you try them on. How are you supposed to go shopping for new pants, with no pants? My plan is when I start to fit into my smaller clothes that doesn’t fit right now (long-term goal clothes) I will go out in that clothes to buy smaller clothes, that will fit me later when I need to go shopping for even smaller clothes.

Whenever I wear this clothes for the first time, people ask if my shorts are new. I have to tell them, “No, they’re old, but I haven’t been able to fit into them until now. They have been sitting in my closet waiting for this wonderful day, where they get to go out and see the world.”

I think girls do this kind of thing on purpose, they buy clothes that doesn’t fit them in order to lose weight. For me it’s mostly about being lazy. I actually got some shorts as a gift that didn’t fit me, but they were about 10 sizes too small, because the hanger said one size, while the tag said a size that was 10 less than that. So, I went and exchanged those for a different pair in what I thought was my size (I was wrong). I was able to almost button up these shorts, and I had been running a lot, so I decided to keep them (because I am not going back to the store to make another exchange).

Now those shorts fit, and I was excited and I celebrated for a few seconds in my room by myself. Then I wore them for a whole day, and maybe this weekend I will wear them for a second time. Hopefully, I will soon fit into some of this other clothes I have that is too small for me.

Paralympic Games

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This weekend I learned about the Paralympic games, which take place in Sochi some time after the Olympic games (I haven’t really done any research, so this may not be true). Saturday night I got home at 3:30 in the morning (it would have been 2:30 if it wasn’t for the time change. The time changed while I was driving in my car, so I literally traveled through time! I think that’s how it works, right?).

When I got home I turned on my TV searching for something to watch before bed time. I had left my TV on NBC Sports from watching Chelsea that afternoon (Chelsea #1, Suck it Arsenal!). What I found when I turned on my TV was Paralympic Hockey, which is so much better than regular hockey, and here are some reasons why:

1 Everyone is on a sled, even the goalie!

2 Each player gets not one, but two mini hockey sticks (they also use these to propel themselves around the ice).

3 I didn’t see any fights, but I’m sure a sled fight would be way cooler than a regular hockey standing fight.

4 I saw one dude fall off his sled, and roll over back on to his sled in seconds (and he only had one leg).

If this Hockey is played somewhere near me I would definitely go check it out (maybe even end up with season tickets and a new favorite sports team). I only watched for a few minutes, then I switched to something on Netflix (It always takes about 20 minutes to find the right thing to watch on Netflix, and the next morning I can never remember what I fell asleep watching).

I woke up the next morning with a bunch of questions. Was that a dream, or did I really see Paralympic Hockey last night? If the USA played ITALY last night, then both these countries should have an underground Paralympic Hockey league (where else would they find all these athletes?). What other sports take place in the Paralympics? If I lost a leg would I become a Paralympic athlete? Which sport would I choose? What the hell was I watching on the Netflix last night?

I still don’t know the answers to many of these questions, but I do know that if I happen to catch some more Paralympic events on TV this week, I will be watching and cheering for the USA!

Thursday or Friday?

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Today I learned that it is actually Thursday, and not Friday. I woke up this morning thinking today was Friday. I was excited, knowing that I could sleep until I wake up tomorrow. Wrong! I woke up thinking, Hey, I haven’t gone to happy hour in a while, maybe today I’ll ask my friends if they want to go drink some brewskis after work? I was wrong, because today is Thursday, and not Friday.

This happens to me quite a bit. I wake up thinking it is one day when it is actually a totally different day. When I wake up thinking it’s a day earlier that is always a good thing. Aw man it’s only Wednesday, actually it’s Thursday! (This may happen after a long weekend, when I am confused because I had Monday off). 

Imagine waking up believing it is Monday, when it’s really Friday. You would have to be crazy for this to happen (or maybe you just don’t own a calendar or a cell phone with a calendar on it), but if it did happen that would probably end up being the best day of your life.

I was excited for a possible Bro’s Lunch Party, which usually goes down on Fridays, with my two bros, Lucas & Worms (and sometimes Ricky Rey). Now, that will have to wait until tomorrow (and it may not even happen at all). Bro Lunch Parties are what I look forward to on Fridays. 

So, it is Thursday. I guess it could be worse, it could be Wednesday, or Tuesday, or even MONDAY! I guess Thursday isn’t so bad. I get to watch Parks and Rec and Community (unless they aren’t new tonight). I also get to go to sleep knowing that tomorrow when I wake up it will indeed be FRIDAY (and I will be able to do the Friday things that I wanted to do today)! 

I’ll probably just go to work tomorrow, then come home and watch TV, like most Fridays.

…and now this:

(click to watch video)

Talk Radio Sucks (and so do my friends who like it)

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I’ve always known that Talk Radio and Sports Radio suck, but recently I learned that quite a few of my friends like to listen to it while driving. MUSIC, is what you listen to in the car. Unless you want to fall asleep and die behind the wheel. If that is the case, you can listen to all the talk radio you want, or here’s a better idea let’s listen to an audiobook (Audiobooks are for lazy people, I have something better for you, why don’t you just learn how to read?*).

If we learned anything from the movie Pineapple Express, it is that a car will kill itself (the battery will die) if you leave it on throughout the whole night listening to talk radio. Remember that when you’re listening to your stupid Talk Radio, driving to work. You are boring your car to death.

Of all Talk Radio, Sports Radio is the worst. Sports Radio is made up of people talking about sports. Sure, they do this on SportsCenter, but at least they show highlights and other fun stuff to keep it interesting. The people on Sports Radio are usually fat, lazy, good for nothing dudes who never even played sports, or retired athletes who ran out of money, and are too ugly to be on TV.

Sports Radio guys are always talking about what the coach or players should be doing, instead of what they are doing. Guess what talk radio guys? If you knew anything, then maybe they would hire you as a coach, or if you weren’t a big fat fatty maybe you would be on the team, and you could do whatever it is you want these players to do.

In conclusion, Shut up Dan LeBatard and all you other dill weeds… Thank you for your time.

 

 *I realized that Audiobooks could be helpful for blind people, but blind people shouldn’t be driving, so they still have no use in the car!

Thank God Learning

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This week I realized how athletes, actors and a whole buttload of people always thank God when something good happens to them (especially when they are asked about it on TV or in front of a huge crowd). “I just wanna thank God, because without God this wouldn’t have happened.”

When an athlete says “Thanks God for letting our team win this game,” they are basically saying, “Thank you God, for choosing our team over that other team. That other team was full of real douche faces and butt holes!” (or something like that). Or in the case of the actor who wins an Oscar, “Thanks God for giving me this award, all these other dudes have been really horrible in life this year, but I have been slightly less horrible than them and I really (kind of) deserve this.” 

Do you think God has time for all these football, basketball, baseball, rugby, quidditch, soccer, hockey, and whatever other games and matches are going on? There is some crazy stuff going on in the world. I would like to think that God leaves the outcome of sports to chance. If you are going to thank God for making you talented or keeping you healthy, now that is a different story (Father Manny taught me this). 

Here is my acceptance speech for when I win something big, “Thank you to me, and nobody else. I worked hard (or maybe I just got lucky), but I couldn’t have done it without me, pushing myself each day to get this done and do it right!” (if there is a team with me, I guess I will give them some credit too).

I didn’t talk about rappers thanking God in here, because that is a whole different story for a whole other day. “Thank you God for inspiring me to make a song about killing people, and taking their money, and stealing all your girlfriends, and drinking expensive drinks, and doing drugs and all that other good stuff, and being able to win an award for it!” I don’t think God is watching the BET awards (if he was there wouldn’t be a shooting or stabbing every year).

Couples Learning

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This week I learned a valuable lesson about single people and their non-single friends. This learning is based upon the ‘circle of friendship’ (is that a thing or did i just make that up? Let’s just pretend it is a thing and I won’t mention it ever again). 

I have been a lone wolf for a good portion of my life, but I do have a whole buttload of friends, (according to the Facebook) some single and some not so single. What I learned this week is the rules of being the “third wheel” (the single friend of the non-single friends: sometimes referred to as a couple). 

Sometimes it’s fine to be the “third wheel,” but other times it’s not cool. Some couples want the “third wheel” around, while others just keep thinking when is this idiot going to leave us alone? So, when is it cool to be the “third wheel,” turning a couple into a tricycle? 

It’s all good if you’re single to hang out with couples who have been dating for a while (there is no specific time measurement, because each couple is different). For some couples a while may be three days or one month, for others it may be years. Some couples may never want to have friends again (they usually move away to a new location and start a new life).

Sometimes you know when a couple is ready for a “third wheel,” because they are already sick of each other. In these cases the “third wheel” may be the glue holding the relationship together (as long as the “third wheel” is around there will be no fighting). You can tell this is the case if the couple is begging you to join them. Another warning sign is when the couple doesn’t talk to each other, but instead they both talk to the “third wheel” (this is a bad sign, and a horrible place to be for the “third wheeler”). 

Some couples are not ready for the “third wheel.” This is often the case with new or young couples, especially when they are super in love and can’t keep their hands off of each other (but what single person wants to be around that?). These people only want to be around each other, and even if you hang out with one of them alone they keep talking about how awesome the other person is. Later on, they will probably be complaining about how annoying the other is.

There is a third group. This group is made up of couples that love each other, but also love their friends. They are a strange group of people, but my favorite. These are the kinds of non-single people I enjoy being around. These people only suck when you have two tickets to see Dave Chappelle, and you want to take your best friend, but his wife won’t let him go without her, but then you still go and have an awesome time, so whatever… Other than that one specific example, I like these people all the time.

When you See a Police Officer

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This week I learned that 99% of people that drive cars are stupid and have no idea what they are doing. The percentage may be a bit off, because I believe that no one really knows how to drive a car, well no one but me (I’m sure that’s how everyone feels).

I realized this the other day, when I was driving on the road with a bunch of other cars and everyone started braking all at the same time. The speed limit was 45, and everyone had quickly gone from 40 to 25 or 30 in a matter of seconds. Why did everyone slow down so quickly? Because they saw a police mobile. A police mobile that had pulled someone over.

The officer wasn’t even in his car. He wasn’t paying attention to any of the driving cars, he was talking to the driver of the car he had pulled over. Still everyone came to a complete halt, when seeing the police car.

I understand if you slam on your brakes when you see a police car (if you are speeding). I don’t understand why people driving under the speed limit do this. Why are you braking? The speed limit doesn’t change when a Cop is in the area, it is still 45. It doesn’t magically jump 20 mph down just because a police car is around. Police cars are not magical, they are just normal cars, that have been customized to drive a little faster with computers in them (so the cops can find the nearest Dunkin Donuts).

I guess what I want to say is, “Hey, road drivers! Stop being stupid. Drive a little faster. 5 to 10 miles over the speed limit is OK, even when cops are present (unless that cop happens to be a complete D-Bag).” Also, stop slowing down when I’m behind you and speeding up when I’m driving next to you, you Dirty D-Bags…

Thank you, the end.

Best Buy Mystery Money

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Hello friends, so I haven’t posted a new learning in a while. That is because I haven’t learned anything worth posting since my last learning (I’ve been in a brain slump lately). That is, until earlier this week, where I learned a valuable life lesson.

As most people know Best Buy is my favorite place on earth. I try to go once a week to see what Movies, Music and other new gadgets were released. The only day I use the newspaper is on Sundays, and that is to see the Best Buy weekly ad (Although I kind of enjoyed not having the newspaper in New York, so every Tuesday was a surprise. Unless I went online to check the online version of the weekly ad).

So, what did I learn about Best Buy this week? I learned that they are a bunch of tricksters. I am a Premier Silver Member of the RewardZone, which means I get free money every few months, for spending money all my money there.

The other day I received an email for a secret “Mystery Coupon,” which got me excited. The “Mystery Coupon” states it could be worth anywhere from $5-$500, or you can receive $5,000 worth of reward points. Of course, every time I’ve gotten one of these “Mystery Coupon” emails, they end up being $5, which is cool, but I would rather just get a $5 “non-Mystery Coupon.”

On my way to Best Buy with my “Mystery Coupon” I began dreaming of all the cool stuff I can buy if I get the $500. I imagined myself walking up to the register with two items, and the lady tells me, “This is all you’re gonna get with your $500?” then I’m all like “WHAT? $500!” and we high five, I grab a cart and run through the store throwing everything in it.

This week I had a plan. If I would have won the $500, I wouldn’t have done a crazy shopping spree. The lady would have told me, “You won $500!” and I would have preordered my PS4 (yes, I decided PS4 is the way to go on my way to Best Buy that day. Thanks to my nerd friends).

In the end, the day did not go as I hoped. I walked up to the register with my Dream Theater “Live at Luna Park” Blu Ray, and the new Eminem CD and got $5 off of my purchase. If I get another “Mystery Coupon” for $5 I will write an angry letter to Best Buy, until then I will keep going there once a week to buy stuff.

Texting and Driving is Kind of Illegal Now (in Florida)

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On October 1, 2013 (it’s still 2013 right?) I learned that Texting and Driving was now Illegal in Florida (kind of). I wasn’t really sure what else was illegal though. Is it just texting? What about iMessaging? What about Facebook messenger? What about Instagramming or Snap Chatting? Can I still send the Tweets? Can I still Candy Crush in my car? Am I allowed to answer the phone? Can I change the music on my iTunes or Spotify, if I’m listening to it in the car? (All of these questions and more came into my head at once)

It took me about 10 days, but I finally looked up the actual law. What I found out is that texting and driving isn’t really “illegal,” it’s just “kind of illegal.” What this means is that you can’t be pulled over for texting and driving only, it’s a secondary offense (it can only be added on to something else you were doing). I’m pretty sure the cops can find pretty much any reason to stop you though once they see you texting, and you will go to jail! (Actually you won’t go to jail, I believe there is a small fine, and you might get a point or two on your license if you were within a school zone or your texting ended in an accident).

What exactly counts as “texting and driving?” ‘Prohibiting operation of a motor vehicle while using a wireless device for certain purposes.’ What are these certain purposes? 

You are not allowed to be manually typing or entering letters, numbers, symbols or other characters (so I guess no emojis).

What is still legal? 

Voice Communication: I can still talk on the phone, but can I enter in the numbers to call someone if I don’t have them saved on my phone? That’s a tough one.

Reporting emergency or crime: I’m still allowed to take a picture of a crazy accident to send to my friends, right? Does that count as reporting an emergency or crime?

Navigation: I can still use my phone to get me places, but how am I supposed to type in the destination?

Safety Alerts: I can still receive these strange amber and silver alerts I have been receiving on my phone while driving through sketchy neighborhoods.

Radio Broadcasts: I can listen to my podcasts while I drive to work still (which would be nice, if I actually listened to podcasts while driving…)

A discovery I made is that ‘A legally parked vehicle is not being operated.’ What makes a vehicle legally parked though? If I am at a red light and I throw it into park, am I legally parked and now able to send all the messages, read articles and play candy crush until the light turns green? Do I have to pull into an actual parking spot? Can I pull over to the side of the road? Can I throw my car into park in the middle of the highway if I receive a message? (That last one sounds really dangerous, don’t do that)

So, I guess what I learned is that I can still text and drive and do whatever I want on my phone, as long as I am doing everything else right. The moral of the story is don’t text and drive or you will crash and die, 100% of the time. Thanks for listening, safety first.