Category Archives: Cool Stuff

Cuban Coffee is Sh*t

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snicklefritzFL title

I learned to drink coffee the way most kids in Miami learned to drink coffee. Back in middle school, my introduction to coffee was Cuban Coffee. Cortaditos, Cafe con leche, Coladas. Cuban Coffee was a good gateway into the coffee world for a youngster, but it definitely was not “good coffee.”

I’m sure many people will be upset at me for saying that Cuban Coffee is not good coffee.

Why do people love Cuban Coffee so much? It’s mostly the added sugar and/or milk that makes it taste good. The coffee itself just taste like low-quality coffee. It has no distinct flavors. If you can’t drink it straight up (black), then it’s probably not a good coffee. And no one really drinks Cuban Coffee straight up (they add tons of sugar to it).

Cuban Coffee is no better than Starbucks (although their newer Blonde Roast is fine, on its own). No one is actually going to Starbucks for the coffee, though. People go to Starbucks for all the sugar, chocolate, caramel and other delicious junk they stuff into their “coffee drinks”. Black coffee at Starbucks tastes burnt. I once used their beans for a cold brew and it ended up tasting like what burnt tires smell like.

Starbucks may get their coffee beans from exotic farmers across the world, but they are given the snicklefritz (aka the garbage pile, aka the crappy leftovers). I’m sure there are good Cuban Coffee beans out there, somewhere. But, all of the Cuban restaurants and bakeries are using the snicklefritz, as well (Pilon, Bustelo, Sergio’s Coffee).

I don’t think I’m better than Starbucks or Cuban Coffee. I enjoy the occasional sugary coffee drink and S’mores frappuccino. I’ll dip my tostada in a Cafe con Leche. I’ll even have some Colada sometimes after lunch. These things all taste good, I’m just saying that the coffee beans themselves are garbage beans. Most people haven’t tried good coffee, they’ve just enjoyed crappy coffee their whole lives.

It’s like when you try a real fruit after only having the canned version in syrup before that. Which is something that happened to me with lychee fruit the other day. And I said to myself, Wow, I didn’t know the real thing could taste so good.

Just like with beer, I guess I’ve become a coffee snob. I would much rather drink one or two beers that I enjoy over ‘TeLeven’ cans (that’s the number between ten and eleven) of dirty beer water. I’m trying to only drink one to maybe two coffee drinks per day. So, I’m keeping it to good quality coffee. I get beans from Panther, Intelligentsia and other fancy roasters. Sometimes, I just check what Fresh Market has on sale and if it’s not very good I end up cold brewing it. There’s also something fun about making a pour over in the morning. It feels like a science experiment that I get to enjoy with my mouth.

Every once in a while, I do need a sugary frappuccino or some cafe con leche. And that’s why I’m happy to live in the capital of coladas and croquetas.

FREE Taco Bell (& Fast Food Etiquette)

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taco bellFL title

Last week, I learned the best place to eat drive-thru fast food late at night… the parking lot of the fast food restaurant you just visited.

What happens almost every time you go to a drive-thru late at night? There’s always something missing, because the late night workers don’t really care, because they know that you don’t care. You’re just trying to pick up some quick food to take home and eat while watch your Netflix show before passing out for the night.

Last week, I went to Taco Bell (with a friend, who will remain nameless, as requested). We ordered a bunch of stuff, because that’s what you do at Taco Bell. Also, that menu is so overwhelmingly gigantic (It’s like they add new items each week just to confuse us. Most items on the Taco Bell menu are made up words, and you don’t want to ask too many questions and look like a dummy. So, instead you just order everything). I try to keep it to
3-5 items when I do drive-thru by myself, because if I don’t give myself limits I will just keep ordering more and more stuff until there is nothing left to order.

What happened this past visit was we ordered our tacos, burritos and other stuff too, but we also wanted something sweet, so we ordered some Cinna Twists. As you know, Taco Bell is best when eaten fresh* (The word “fresh” doesn’t really mean anything in food lingo anymore. Fast Food companies have been using “fresh” to describe ingredients that are not “fresh” in any way. By “fresh” I mean eaten right away, because if you wait too long Taco Bell food transforms into something completely different).

*Remember back when Taco Bell had that problematic Mexican Chihuahua dog as their mascot? That was a fun time…

So, there we were in the car making our way through our bag of “fresh” goodness, and all of a sudden we finally reached the bottom and realized that there were no Cinna Twists. Lucky for us, we were eating our Taco Bell in the parking lot of Taco Bell, so we just hopped back in line to get our Cinna Twists. (Usually when you realize something is missing in your order you are already home with no pants and your shoes off. There’s no way you’re going back to Taco Bell once you’ve arrived in the NO PANTS ZONE, which is most likely on a couch in front of the TV).

Because we had the patience (and bravery) to get back in that long line of hungry hippos, we were rewarded greatly. When asked what we wanted, we told the lady that we didn’t receive our Cinna Twists, she just said, “Drive around,” which I thought was code for, “I don’t believe you,” or “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

When we arrived at the pick up window, the lady was smiling and she handed us a big Taco Bell bag, the kind that holds a whole family meal, and inside were about five to six orders of Cinna Twists. We said thank you and left before she could take it back from us.

What this whole experience taught me is that if you are brave enough to go through a drive-thru line twice, and say you’re missing something, you can probably get anything you want for FREE. The lady never checked our receipt or order, she just believed us (it was the truth, but I’m sure people lie all the time about not getting stuff). I’m sure you can even drive-thru on your first try and say that you didn’t get your Quesarito and be handed a bag full of Quesaritos. These drive-thru people get a whole butt-load of customers each and every night, and they can’t remember all of us.

I don’t think I will start stealing from fast food drive-thrus late at night, but now I know that if they ever mess up my order, I could just go back and tell them something is missing. Or, even better yet, I can check my bag when they hand it to me, even though it’s going the hold up the line for a few extra seconds. That’s probably what a normal person would do.

EVERYONE IS INSTAGRAMMING (…while driving)

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It’s hard not to text and drive, or even not to check your phone while driving. Incoming messages. Alarms. Weather alerts. Sports and news notifications. Our phones do so much more than only making phone calls. Since the invention of smartphones, humans have been using them as a distraction for any time they encounter boredom (most of the time to look at nothing important).

Do you know what people did 25 years ago before there were smartphones to play with and they were bored or stuck in some sort of queue? They would talk to strangers, or grab a newspaper or a Highlights magazine. Other people would carry a book or some type of reading material with them, all the time. And some people would just sit in silence and wait. Wait until it was their turn to do whatever they were there to do.

With our iPhones and Androids and all other smart devices, we don’t have to be bored ever (yet we still are). We have billions of apps at our fingertips to keep us busy. We have the whole internet in this tiny magical box that fits in our pockets (unless you’re a smaller person with an iPhone Plus).

Back to the car and what I learned the other day. Every person driving a car is playing on their phone. And most of them are just scrolling through their Facebook or Instagram feeds. It’s not enough that we can listen to music, podcasts, radio shows, TV shows, YouTube videos, or pretty much any form of entertainment while driving our cars. We can even talk to people through our car speakers (Thanks, Bluetooth!).

But, that’s not enough. Most people still need to look at something. Something that isn’t the road in front of them. Especially while in traffic. Traffic may be the worst invention ever (Even though it’s more a side effect to the creation of automobiles. Either way, traffic really sucks!)

Traffic is the worst thing while you’re in it, but once you are no longer stuck in traffic and you start moving at a normal speed again, you totally forget you were ever in traffic. You can be stuck in traffic for just two minutes and you will hate life and every person around you for those two minutes, but once you get moving you will completely forget that you were ever in traffic and continue on with your life (singing along to whatever song is playing in the background).

Back to everyone being on their phones while driving. How do I know everyone was checking social media though? Well, while I was driving the other night, I was also conducting a science experiment. I was looking at each driver’s phone screen to see what exactly they were doing. That may be the most unsafe thing, not texting and driving on your own phone, but looking at other people’s phones in other cars while driving. But, I had to do it for research purposes (and we were moving very slow during this experiment).

I even saw a few people FaceTiming while driving. It seems that many people don’t really care about safety or living a long, wonderful life. Also, now that everyone decided to get the Uber phone clip on their car you can’t tell who’s a civilian and who’s just an Uber driver (If you would like to know how I feel about Uber drivers, see UBER DRIVERS aka THE WORST… ).

I’m not perfect. I play on my phone while driving too, but I try to keep it to while at red lights. There was a time where I would put my phone into the center console and try to drive to my destination without taking it out. That worked for a few days, but sometimes you’re not sure if your friend has left to meet you at a movie and you have to get your phone out to make sure they left their house. Or sometimes you may need to respond to a message so you don’t forget to do it later. Or sometimes you just think of something that’s kind of funny or may work as a Ferdings Learnings, so you have to take out your phone to write it down in your notes.

I know that using your phone while driving is “kind of” illegal, but there are some small emergencies that require you to use your phone while driving. Let’s try to keep it to when we’re at red lights. Also, don’t go overboard and start scrolling through Instagram. Those posts will still be there when you get to the movie, and you can look at them before or during the previews, but when that movie starts you better put your damn phone away or I will throw it at the screen.

BEER MAKES ME FAT

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From January 6th to February 20th I drank zero beers. I did have some glasses of wine and a few whiskeys on certain occasions, but I definitely had zero beers in that time. This wasn’t a challenge I put on myself, there was just a period where I felt like I was starting to get sick, and I didn’t want to be sick, so I decided not to drink alcohol. I even went to a wedding in this time period and had about 17 glasses of water with zero alcohol in them.

What I learned from not drinking beer is that beer is the main thing that makes me gain weight. And I now know this because in this one month +14 days of not drinking beer I dropped a few pounds and finally made it under 200 (like right under, like 199.9, but it still counts).

Since this one month +14 days of no beers, I had a few beers last weekend and I’m now back over 200 (like 201-204 depending on the morning). And yes, I weigh myself in the morning before I put anything into my body. That’s how you know you’re getting your lowest weight. It’s not cheating if you only weigh yourself in the morning (if you weigh yourself one night then a few days later in the morning and brag about all the pounds you lost, that is cheating. Who are you cheating? Yourself!).

Everyone’s body is different and what works for one person may not work for someone else. And for me not drinking beer seems to be working. I’m not forever quitting beer though, just maybe have it every once in a while (also, going out to dinner and not having a beer can take about 30-50% off of your bill). Next, I just need to work on eating a bit better.

Lately, I haven’t been eating the healthiest of meals, but I somehow still ended up losing weight, so I keep eating not so great. It also doesn’t help when people tell you, “You look like you’ve lost some pounds.” Whenever someone tells me that it makes my brain say, Great! Now we’ve earned some pizza/taco bell/burger king or all of the above. That’s why I rarely tell people they look skinnier, I don’t want to trigger that voice in their brain.

You don’t have to tell me I lost some weight. I know I’m a bit skinnier, and not just because the scale told me so. I know I actually lost some weight because I can now fit into my skinnier jeans.

In my closet, I have my three or four pairs of regular jeans for when I’m feeling a bit hefty. I also wear these when I’m going out to eat a whole bunch of junk. I also have a few pairs of thinner jeans. The ones that are just one size too small. I don’t fit into all of these pairs right now, but I do fit well into at least one of them and that’s a major improvement. When I can fit into all three of my thin jeans, then it will be time to turn those into my “heavier” jeans and buy a pair in the next size down (but let’s not get ahead of ourselves).

Since learning that beer is my Kryptonite, I haven’t had too many. But, I still have been stuffing my gob with some not so healthy food, as you’ve all seen (on Instagram and Facebook). I’m still making delicious burgers, tacos, pizzas and cookies and all kinds of stuff. There’s also all of those late night eats after shows and rehearsals (bagel bites, dino nuggets, pizza rolls and more) which aren’t very shareable and no one sees, but me.

My next test will be to continue not drinking beer, but also to eat a little better and see what that does to my body. John Mayer once said, “Your body is a wonderland,” but that’s not true. All of our bodies are not Wonderlands. In fact, all of our bodies are just little science experiments that we get to borrow while we’re here on Earth. And the best way to find out what works for you is trial and error.

WHOLE FOODS = Less Than Expected

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Any time I shop at Whole Foods I always come home with less items than I expect (based on the money I spent). The other night, I spent about fifty dollars at Whole Foods on one, big brown bag of stuff. When I got home I pulled out my dinner, some cookies, some snacks, a few other items and when there was nothing left in the bag I asked myself (in my head), That’s it? (It also doesn’t help that they give you a monstrous brown paper bag).

I don’t shop at Whole Foods regularly, I’m more of a Fresh Market guy. When I shop at Fresh Market I build my meals based on what’s on sale, so I end up with a good haul for the money spent. I sometimes even forget about certain things I bought at Fresh Market and get a nice little surprise when I come home.

Why does every new Whole Foods that gets built look more and more like the future?

Now that Whole Foods is owned by Amazon I thought I would get some savings with my Amazon Prime membership, but instead I always end up saving 10% on one or two items. Items that usually cost between one to two dollars, so I save about ten to forty cents on my whole purchase (Prime deals!).

I know some people call Whole Foods, “Whole Paycheck,” because they think it’s funny and they also think they made that up. (It’s not that funny) It’s a dad joke, but I guess it is kind of true. If I did my weekly groceries there, and not just some random snacks and dinner buying every once in a while, I would definitely not have much of my paycheck left over each month.

One thing that’s neat about Whole Foods is the hot foods bar, they have a huge selection of good hot food, but if you’re not looking for “good hot food” you can also grab some pizza. They also hold the “Guinness World Record” for largest soup bar (I’m not sure if that’s accurate, but it is the largest soup bar I’ve ever seen. They even beat out Panera, and those people are all about their soups). Just don’t hit up that hot foods bar at lunch time, because all you’ll get is hangry, annoyed yuppies.

I do enjoy visiting Whole Foods in new cities though. When I lived in New York they had special meats and beers that I had never seen back home. In Chicago the cookie bar was insane, and they had over ten different restaurants inside. The last out-of-town Whole Foods I went to was in Minnesota, there they had cheese curds (which I have never found in any grocery stores in Miami) and different coffees, some different hot foods and crazy flavors of RX Bars.

I usually like visiting different Best Buys, Barnes & Noble’s and sometimes Targets in new cities, because those make me feel like I’m home even though I’m not. But Whole Foods always feels new to me, in a different city. I guess Whole Foods isn’t really a bad place, it’s just expensive. I will continue to go for specialty and small things, but I will never go regularly (unless I become crazy rich).

I GOT A MOVIE PASS!

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MPFL title

A few weeks ago, I signed up for Movie Pass!

I love movies and I love going to the movies. What I don’t love is paying $15-20 to watch a movie in the theater. Gone are the days when I would go to a morning matinee for $4 and sneak into a second movie afterwards, bringing the total cost for each movie down to just $2.

With this movie ticket price surge I have become way more selective on which movies I “need” to watch in theaters. If I’m not 100% interested in seeing a movie (meaning it’s not a Star War, Pixar or a Marvel movie aka anything owned by Disney) then I can probably just wait until it’s on HBO. Blu-Rays now cost the price of one movie ticket. And, after buying a Blu-Ray I own that movie, plus special features and maybe even a digital copy, for life. This is why I decided to check out and ultimately sign up for Movie Pass.

After signing up I was instantly eligible to see one movie every day, but only at Merrick Park (until I received my Movie Pass card in the mail). I don’t understand how these people make any money. They charge only $9.99 a month, that’s less than the price of one movie ticket. If I see just one movie each month, which I plan to see way more than that, I’m already beating the system with my Movie Pass.

The only problem is that I can’t go to the Cinepolis in Coconut Grove, which happens the be the movie theater with the best popcorn in all of Miami. I guess I will have to sacrifice the “best” popcorn for “pretty good” popcorn just to save tons of money on movie tickets each year (and I’m fine with that). AMC Sunset Place now has cheesy and caramel-y popcorn. I can give those a shot (put them together and you got some Chicago-style popcorn. Chicago has to reinvent everything!).

Signing up for Movie Pass means that I have to get rid of one of my other monthly subscriptions. And that’s why, it’s time to get rid of HULU. I’ve already achieved my goal with HULU which was to watch Life in Pieces (Season 2), plus I finished Atlanta (Season 1) and Last Man on Earth (the entire series). It’s time to move on.

I’m fine with just Netflix, I don’t need both. Sorry HULU, but Movie Pass is way more worth it, plus I was paying for commercial-free HULU and that’s about $3 more than a Movie Pass. The only thing that HULU has over Movie Pass is that I don’t have to leave my house to use it.

MP Update: Movie Pass sent out an email last weekend stating that they were adding a few features, one being Peak Pricing. Starting soon, if I want to see a movie on opening weekend I may have to pay an extra fee. Movie Pass is becoming the new Netflix, changing their pricing and rules on us. Sure, we’ll get mad about these new features, but then we’ll realize it’s still better than our other option (which is not having it) and we’ll just pay for it anyways (as we do with Netflix).

One problem I have with Movie Pass is that they say you can “Watch one movie each day, as long as you’re subscribed to Movie Pass.” This is a lie, since multiple viewings of the same movie are not allowed. I’m pretty sure that 30-31 movies don’t come out each month.

Sure, at first you may be able to watch a movie each day for about a week or two, but once you make it through all the current selections, you’ll have to wait until each Friday to see what else comes out. Then you’ll only get about 3 or 4 more days of movie-watching each week.

Unless you have an indie theater that plays a different movie each day, you won’t really be able to watch a movie every day. And, if I lived closer to Sunset Place, I would actually test this theory. But I don’t have the time or will to test it out right now, so I’m fine with it. I’m just saying, “Don’t lie to me Movie Pass!”

So, since I don’t have the time to go to one movie each and every day for the rest of my life, I think Movie Pass is a fine investment. I will continue to subscribe, until they either go out of business, ask for too much money or start taking stuff away from me. Then I will go back to watching only Disney-owned movies in theaters, and maybe joining HULU again.

Thanks Movie Pass!

 

If you or someone you know has a Movie Pass and would like to be one of my Movie Pass buddies, please comment below.

WHAT I LEARNED DURING WHOLE30 (PART I OF III)

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Last month, I took part in the Whole30. Many of you already know this because I posted everything I ate during the Whole30 online. If you didn’t know or have no idea what the Whole30 is here is my short description.

Whole30 = No added sugars in your diet. You eat meat, fish or eggs for protein. A whole bunch of veggies. Also, some fruits for natural sugars. Nuts, oils, ghee and other natural fats. Every meal should consist of these things. (No dairy, legumes, grains or non-gluten grains included).

After thirty days I had lost about fifteen pounds. The problem was once I finished my Whole30 I did one week (instead of two weeks) of reintroducing non-compliant foods: Beans/Legumes, Corn/Non-Gluten Grains, Dairy and Gluten/Grains. After that I went full rage mode and ate all the things I wasn’t able to eat during the Whole30: Pizza (twice), Burgers, Ice Cream, Cake, Cookies, Chips, Cheese, Tacos and everything else. I think I re-gained about five of those fifteen pounds. (It is now two weeks later, and I’ve slowed down on full rage mode. I weighed myself and was back where I was on Day 30).

Now, I’m hoping to find a healthy balance of Whole30-ish eating and my regular diet. The point of Whole30 is to eat using basic ingredients to reset your body, next you reintroduce the “non-compliant” foods to see how they affect you. You are basically turning your body into a walking science experiment (Whole30 made me a scientist!). Once you’re done, you may continue to eat whatever foods make you feel good, but no one is perfect so you also eat the foods that don’t make you feel good from time to time.

So, what did I learn during my Whole30?

[1] I DON’T HAVE A “SUGAR DRAGON” IN ME. I HAVE A SUGAR DEMON!

Melissa Hartwig, creator of Whole30, talks about our “Sugar Dragon” a whole lot in her books and on her website. The “Sugar Dragon” is basically when you eat something sugary, your brain wants more and more sugar until there is nothing left in the house. It’s a whirling dervish of sugary delights.

I was extremely strict and faithful to Whole30, not eating any added sugar during the month of April. All the sugar in my diet came from fruits, and I didn’t have many cravings other than “Sugar Nightmares” (on a few nights I dreamt that I was eating sweet treats and other non-compliant foods. In one of my “Sugar Nightmares” I ate a whole pizza from Papa Johns). However, once April was over and I did finally eat sugar I went back to full-rage mode a few times. But since then I’ve calmed down a bit.

Once I eat one Oreo cookie, the rest of the Oreo cookies aren’t safe. I will eat all the Oreos I can find (or at least one row at a time). And once they are all gone I will move on to the next sugary treat until nothing remains. And that is why my SUGAR DRAGON is actually a SUGAR DEMON.

[2] NO TV BEFORE BED, BUT YES TV WHILE EATING.

Some Whole30 habits you are encouraged to practice aren’t entirely diet related. In her Whole30 books, Melissa says don’t watch TV while eating. She wants you to enjoy each bite of your food. Eat slowly and kind of meditate while you eat. I do yoga and stretching for meditation and there are way too many TV shows on my list to not watch them while I eat. I even watched Ugly Delicious on Netflix (a pizza documentary with David Chang, while eating my Whole30 meals. I watched it three times in April).

Another Whole30 “rule” is no TV before bed. Before Whole30 I would leave my TV on until I fell asleep (That’s why the gods created sleep mode). This made it harder to fall asleep, and harder to wake up in the mornings. In the beginning of Whole30 I would even wake up with a headache, which I’m still not completely sure if that came from having the TV on at night or if it was my SUGAR DEMON telling me it needed sugar. One of Melissa’s tips is to read until you get tired. I started doing this most nights, and now I’m continuing that habit.

Reading before bed is like an even more natural form of Melatonin. I read until my eyes become heavy, then I turn off my lamp and fall asleep almost instantly. With the TV on it would take me much longer to fall asleep.

[3] SLEEP. A LOT.

The main problem I had was not sleeping enough. I always try to do too much before bed, whether it’s writing, drawing, reading, watching shows or trying to beat God of War. I end up getting into bed at eleven or midnight even though I’m trying to wake up at six or six-thirty to write or run. One thing I need to get better at is going to sleep early when I want to wake up early.

Melissa talks about “Tiger Blood” a whole lot (It’s something Charlie Sheen said in that interview where everyone thought he was a crazy person. I think his “Tiger Blood” came from cocaine and drugs, but Melissa’s version is when you’re eating super healthy so you feel awesome in your mind, body and soul). I don’t think I ever fully felt the effects of “Tiger Blood” and that’s probably because I didn’t sleep enough.

I did have way more energy throughout the day while eating Whole30. Before this I would eat sandwiches and bread-y things for lunch which would make me want to lay down after work. With Whole30 meals I would get home with enough energy for boxing, yoga, stretching, biking or some other activity.

[4] EVERYTHING HAS SUGAR IN IT.

During April I learned that everything has sugar in it. Every sauce, every frozen meal and most things you would order at a restaurant have some form of sugar or fake sugar in them. That’s why I had to cook about 98% of my meals from scratch, which I don’t really mind, because I enjoy cooking.

Even my Ice Breaker mints (and pretty much every type of mint or gum) were non-compliant with the Whole30, because they have some kind of “science sugar” in them. (A “science sugar” is something that’s made in a lab to sweeten foods without adding calories so people think it’s healthy. Coke Zero is full of science sugars that haven’t yet been discovered, and also probably contain tons of cancer and other diseases which we will find out about in the year 2020).

Thrive Market was a good place to find special Whole30 versions of sauces (Just make sure to cancel your subscription before you get charged the insane monthly fee. Also, they are real annoying about letting anyone cancel their membership. I had to chat with some dude who kept trying to throw in another free month, until I finally told him, JUST CANCEL IT MAN!).

It took me until week two to finally find a bacon with no added sugar. I had to go to Whole Foods in Downtown just to find some bacon. Early on, I found Prosciutto, Jamon Serrano and some other Italian and Spanish deli meats with no sugar or other non-compliant ingredients. The trick is to find deli meats that say, “ingredients: pork, sea salt.”

[5] FRUITS TASTE BETTER WHEN YOUR SUGAR DRAGON/DEMON IS ASLEEP.

In the Whole30 books I read that my taste buds would change from not being overwhelmed by all these sugary and processed foods. This is true and I know this because before the Whole30 I couldn’t eat a whole orange. The flavor was too strong and I could only handle about one slice. But now I love oranges, grapefruits, kiwis and tons of fruits I’ve never even tried before (I had only tried the artificial versions or flavors of most fruits. The fruits in my diet used to come from Starburst and Skittles).

Before Whole30 all of my dessert and sweet choices were all made with chocolate, peanut butter, nutella and milky/sugary goodness. I hope I will try more fruity sweets (or just straight fruits as dessert). Even just cooking some apples and pears in ghee (or clarified butter) with some cinnamon is a delicious (and nutritious) treat.

If you are someone who had Whole30 questions for me, I hope this helped. These are just some of the things I learned during my Whole30. My next post will be my TOP 5 Whole30 DISHES (recipes included) for people who are on the Whole30 or those who would like to test drive some recipes before committing to the program.

LOW BATTERY

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I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but any night that I go to sleep with my iPhone’s battery life at over fifty percent is a good night. I think I actually sleep better, and that’s not because of the Melatonin. I feel like I deserve a prize for not spending the entire day playing on my phone.

I’m not one of those people who is constantly looking for a place to charge my iPhone. I don’t carry around a portable battery pack, either (although I hear those are pretty nifty). I do keep a charger and wall plug in my backpack, but that’s more for my iPad. I also have an Apple cable in my car for emergencies, or road trips when I’m running maps, Waze, podcasts and all my apps at once.

I try to only charge my phone in the morning. Once I wake up, or my first alarm goes off, I plug it in until it’s time to go to work. That usually gets my phone to 100% (sometimes I only get to 90%). I used to charge my old phones overnight, every night, but I did notice the battery life getting worse and worse over time. One of my phones ended up having a ghost battery that would jump back and forth between numbers (90% to 30% to 60% to 10% to dead).

Why am I telling you about my iPhone charging habits? Am I some sort of Apple spokesperson?

Most of us are spending too much time on our phones. It’s fine if you’re waiting in line at the DMV or maybe if you’re at lunch with someone you don’t really like. But you definitely don’t have to whip out your phone while at the movies. You just paid over ten dollars to watch this movie, plus popcorn, drinks and other snacks (unless you’re a sneaker and you bring in your own snacks), and now you’re about to spend the whole movie playing on your phone?

Guess what? That bright light is annoying to everyone. Put your phone on silent, do not disturb or just turn it off. No one’s going to call you. And if they do and you answer your phone in the middle of a movie, I will want to grab it and throw it across the theater. Instead, I may just ask, “Is everything ok?” I set my Apple watch to theater mode, just so the light won’t bother me or anyone else.

Of course, any time my phone reaches 20% or less I do have a panic attack on the inside. Also for some reason, I catch myself unlocking the screen over and over for no reason at all. Maybe I want my phone to die.

Although it is scary to have your phone die and be unreachable to the world, it’s also very liberating when your phone dies. I love my Apple Watch, because I can go running with no phone (I have the model 2, so no cellular). I can listen to my music and have no one bother me while running. I am completely free.

A new thing I recently tried was turning off my phone while I sleep. Of course, I don’t recommend this to everyone because some people are doctors, or may receive important phone calls late in the night. I have no important matters happening late at night, so I am fine to turn off my phone while I sleep. I’ll find out what stupid thing the president did in the morning. I don’t do it every night, but if you can afford to do it, you should definitely try it. You may even sleep better.

What did we learn today? Stop playing on your phone all the time. Leave your phone behind sometimes and go do stuff. Leave your phone in the car while you explore, unless you’re exploring the great wilderness and there’s a chance you might get lost or attacked by a wild animal, because you may end up needing your phone in these situations. There was a time when no one had cell phones and guess what?

Most of us survived.

WEIGHT GAIN & RUNNING

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One thing I learned this week was that it’s much, much easier to gain weight than it is to lose weight. Since the end of November, I’ve been running three times a week (Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays). I started a running program that would hopefully get me to run TEN miles (all at once) over this coming weekend.

After making  it to SEVEN whole miles (all in one run), two weeks ago, I decided to take a week off from running. I don’t know exactly what I did, but it felt like I broke my back. After the SEVEN mile run, I had to lay in bed for two hours with a heating pad on my back just to be able to leave my house that night. During the whole week that followed I also used the heating pad at least twice a day, once when I woke up in the morning and once again before going to bed (sometimes somewhere in between those two times).

Each day, for about a week, I woke up with back pain. That’s why I decided to take one week off. I didn’t run or do any exercise for a whole week. I even abandoned my semi-healthy eating diet (Which wasn’t really a diet at all. I just sometimes would tell myself things like, “Hey, maybe I shouldn’t eat a whole calzone for lunch today.”)

In that one week of eating whatever I wanted and not doing any physical activity at all, I gained about ten pounds (It may have been only five pounds, but it felt like ten).It’s crazy that in one week alone I gained five to ten pounds. However, in the eight weeks of running prior, I had probably only lost less than five pounds (I don’t really know. I haven’t been keeping count). Of course, if I was on a strict diet, I may have lost more weight. But just running and eating whatever I want allows me to remain at the same weight (or lose some weight, very slowly).

This week I got back into it. I did some kettlebell exercises on Monday morning. Ran FIVE miles on Tuesday morning, did some yoga and stuff on Wednesday and Thursday I ran THREE miles in the freezing cold Miami weather (It was like 40 degrees out there). Friday is supposed to be a day of rest, but I will most likely try to do some Runner’s Yoga with Adrienne to get ready for Saturday’s EIGHT miler.

EIGHT miles will be the longest I’ve ever run in my entire life (all at once), and if I succeed it’s not over. I will have to attempt TEN miles next weekend, that’s if this EIGHT mile run doesn’t put me in the same position as the SEVEN mile run did (taking me out for an entire week).

All I really wanted to share is how I learned how much easier it is to gain weight than lose weight. If I really tried I’m sure I could easily gain ten or more pounds in one week (But I am not Morgan Spurlock, so I won’t test this theory).

 

What’s the most you’ve ever run (all at once) in your life? Comment below or say it to yourself out loud and maybe someone nearby will hear your answer.

UBER DRIVERS aka THE WORST DRIVERS

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This week I learned a valuable lesson, and it’s not just that all Uber drivers are horrible drivers. I also figured out why all Uber drivers are horrible drivers. I don’t ride in many Ubers (I’ve probably ridden in less than ten Ubers, and zero of those were by myself). I prefer to drive my own car. Key Biscayne is way too far from anywhere in Miami to ride through all those mangroves in the back of a strange car with a stranger. It’s not that I wouldn’t feel safe, I’m a boy, I feel safe pretty much anywhere (except for rollercoasters, parasailing, shark infested waters…). It’s not a question of safety, I just don’t want to talk to a creepy driver — it would be a very awkward situation.

I enjoy driving myself around, unless I’m stuck in traffic. I like to listen to my podcasts or music while driving in my own car. When someone else drives me around, even a friend, I get annoyed by whatever they’re listening to (I may even like the music they chose, but I’m annoyed because I didn’t pick it myself). I love being in my comfy car with leather seats and even bum warmers, if needed (which I don’t because I live in Miami). That’s enough reasons for why I don’t use Uber, but I’m not trying to tell you not to use Uber, just that the drivers suck at the one thing they should know how to do — drive!

Back in the day, (B.U.) Before Uber most cars on the road that drove too slow, didn’t use their turn signal, slammed their brakes in the middle of traffic or did any other stupid thing all had one of two things in common. (1) They either had a UM license plate or sticker on their car, or (2) they were an elderly person, and sometimes they were both.

Lately, there are two new signs that may indicate you’re dealing with a horrible driver. (3) They have a Trump bumper sticker, or (4) they are an Uber driver. And some of these horrible drivers are UM-lovin’ Trump-huggin’ Elderly Uber Drivers. If you fall under all four categories you should have never been given a license to drive.

The other day, I started to thinking to myself, Hey, why are Uber drivers are so bad at driving? And I realized what the problem is. Uber drivers are so bad at driving, because they have no idea where they are going (Think about it!). Imagine if you just got into your car and started driving to no specific destination, because you were waiting for your phone to tell you exactly where to go. Most Uber drivers don’t know where they are going 90% of the time. They are just driving aimlessly, staring at their phone for a clue on where to go. Their phone that’s sticking to the windshield by that silly suction cup holder.

Uber drivers don’t know where they are going until you request them. And any time they receive a request they are either headed the wrong way or on the wrong side of the street. Picking up or dropping off the person to get a good rating is the most important thing in their life, so much so that they don’t pay attention to anyone else on the road. They are always in our way.

Uber drivers will instantly stop in the middle of traffic to drop off their passengers, and I have no shame honking at them. I have no problem giving them a good old-fashioned “Fotutazo*” for blocking my way. There are two types of drivers I don’t respect, (1) children in golf carts and (2) Uber drivers — Because they both don’t belong behind the wheel.

If you’re a LYFT driver, this also applies to you. I just used Uber because it’s like the Kleenex of driving companies, however LYFT may take over, like the whole Oreo v. Hydrox thing (If you don’t know about Hydrox, google it!)

 

*FOTUTAZO: Coming from the Cuban word Fotuto, meaning car horn.

**ADDITIONAL NOTE: Did you see the Uber driver in the title image? He’s not even watching the road, he’s laughing with his passengers. Look at the damn road, driver!