EVERYONE IS INSTAGRAMMING (…while driving)

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It’s hard not to text and drive, or even not to check your phone while driving. Incoming messages. Alarms. Weather alerts. Sports and news notifications. Our phones do so much more than only making phone calls. Since the invention of smartphones, humans have been using them as a distraction for any time they encounter boredom (most of the time to look at nothing important).

Do you know what people did 25 years ago before there were smartphones to play with and they were bored or stuck in some sort of queue? They would talk to strangers, or grab a newspaper or a Highlights magazine. Other people would carry a book or some type of reading material with them, all the time. And some people would just sit in silence and wait. Wait until it was their turn to do whatever they were there to do.

With our iPhones and Androids and all other smart devices, we don’t have to be bored ever (yet we still are). We have billions of apps at our fingertips to keep us busy. We have the whole internet in this tiny magical box that fits in our pockets (unless you’re a smaller person with an iPhone Plus).

Back to the car and what I learned the other day. Every person driving a car is playing on their phone. And most of them are just scrolling through their Facebook or Instagram feeds. It’s not enough that we can listen to music, podcasts, radio shows, TV shows, YouTube videos, or pretty much any form of entertainment while driving our cars. We can even talk to people through our car speakers (Thanks, Bluetooth!).

But, that’s not enough. Most people still need to look at something. Something that isn’t the road in front of them. Especially while in traffic. Traffic may be the worst invention ever (Even though it’s more a side effect to the creation of automobiles. Either way, traffic really sucks!)

Traffic is the worst thing while you’re in it, but once you are no longer stuck in traffic and you start moving at a normal speed again, you totally forget you were ever in traffic. You can be stuck in traffic for just two minutes and you will hate life and every person around you for those two minutes, but once you get moving you will completely forget that you were ever in traffic and continue on with your life (singing along to whatever song is playing in the background).

Back to everyone being on their phones while driving. How do I know everyone was checking social media though? Well, while I was driving the other night, I was also conducting a science experiment. I was looking at each driver’s phone screen to see what exactly they were doing. That may be the most unsafe thing, not texting and driving on your own phone, but looking at other people’s phones in other cars while driving. But, I had to do it for research purposes (and we were moving very slow during this experiment).

I even saw a few people FaceTiming while driving. It seems that many people don’t really care about safety or living a long, wonderful life. Also, now that everyone decided to get the Uber phone clip on their car you can’t tell who’s a civilian and who’s just an Uber driver (If you would like to know how I feel about Uber drivers, see UBER DRIVERS aka THE WORST… ).

I’m not perfect. I play on my phone while driving too, but I try to keep it to while at red lights. There was a time where I would put my phone into the center console and try to drive to my destination without taking it out. That worked for a few days, but sometimes you’re not sure if your friend has left to meet you at a movie and you have to get your phone out to make sure they left their house. Or sometimes you may need to respond to a message so you don’t forget to do it later. Or sometimes you just think of something that’s kind of funny or may work as a Ferdings Learnings, so you have to take out your phone to write it down in your notes.

I know that using your phone while driving is “kind of” illegal, but there are some small emergencies that require you to use your phone while driving. Let’s try to keep it to when we’re at red lights. Also, don’t go overboard and start scrolling through Instagram. Those posts will still be there when you get to the movie, and you can look at them before or during the previews, but when that movie starts you better put your damn phone away or I will throw it at the screen.

UBER DRIVERS aka THE WORST DRIVERS

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This week I learned a valuable lesson, and it’s not just that all Uber drivers are horrible drivers. I also figured out why all Uber drivers are horrible drivers. I don’t ride in many Ubers (I’ve probably ridden in less than ten Ubers, and zero of those were by myself). I prefer to drive my own car. Key Biscayne is way too far from anywhere in Miami to ride through all those mangroves in the back of a strange car with a stranger. It’s not that I wouldn’t feel safe, I’m a boy, I feel safe pretty much anywhere (except for rollercoasters, parasailing, shark infested waters…). It’s not a question of safety, I just don’t want to talk to a creepy driver — it would be a very awkward situation.

I enjoy driving myself around, unless I’m stuck in traffic. I like to listen to my podcasts or music while driving in my own car. When someone else drives me around, even a friend, I get annoyed by whatever they’re listening to (I may even like the music they chose, but I’m annoyed because I didn’t pick it myself). I love being in my comfy car with leather seats and even bum warmers, if needed (which I don’t because I live in Miami). That’s enough reasons for why I don’t use Uber, but I’m not trying to tell you not to use Uber, just that the drivers suck at the one thing they should know how to do — drive!

Back in the day, (B.U.) Before Uber most cars on the road that drove too slow, didn’t use their turn signal, slammed their brakes in the middle of traffic or did any other stupid thing all had one of two things in common. (1) They either had a UM license plate or sticker on their car, or (2) they were an elderly person, and sometimes they were both.

Lately, there are two new signs that may indicate you’re dealing with a horrible driver. (3) They have a Trump bumper sticker, or (4) they are an Uber driver. And some of these horrible drivers are UM-lovin’ Trump-huggin’ Elderly Uber Drivers. If you fall under all four categories you should have never been given a license to drive.

The other day, I started to thinking to myself, Hey, why are Uber drivers are so bad at driving? And I realized what the problem is. Uber drivers are so bad at driving, because they have no idea where they are going (Think about it!). Imagine if you just got into your car and started driving to no specific destination, because you were waiting for your phone to tell you exactly where to go. Most Uber drivers don’t know where they are going 90% of the time. They are just driving aimlessly, staring at their phone for a clue on where to go. Their phone that’s sticking to the windshield by that silly suction cup holder.

Uber drivers don’t know where they are going until you request them. And any time they receive a request they are either headed the wrong way or on the wrong side of the street. Picking up or dropping off the person to get a good rating is the most important thing in their life, so much so that they don’t pay attention to anyone else on the road. They are always in our way.

Uber drivers will instantly stop in the middle of traffic to drop off their passengers, and I have no shame honking at them. I have no problem giving them a good old-fashioned “Fotutazo*” for blocking my way. There are two types of drivers I don’t respect, (1) children in golf carts and (2) Uber drivers — Because they both don’t belong behind the wheel.

If you’re a LYFT driver, this also applies to you. I just used Uber because it’s like the Kleenex of driving companies, however LYFT may take over, like the whole Oreo v. Hydrox thing (If you don’t know about Hydrox, google it!)

 

*FOTUTAZO: Coming from the Cuban word Fotuto, meaning car horn.

**ADDITIONAL NOTE: Did you see the Uber driver in the title image? He’s not even watching the road, he’s laughing with his passengers. Look at the damn road, driver!