FREE Taco Bell (& Fast Food Etiquette)

taco bellFL title

Last week, I learned the best place to eat drive-thru fast food late at night… the parking lot of the fast food restaurant you just visited.

What happens almost every time you go to a drive-thru late at night? There’s always something missing, because the late night workers don’t really care, because they know that you don’t care. You’re just trying to pick up some quick food to take home and eat while watch your Netflix show before passing out for the night.

Last week, I went to Taco Bell (with a friend, who will remain nameless, as requested). We ordered a bunch of stuff, because that’s what you do at Taco Bell. Also, that menu is so overwhelmingly gigantic (It’s like they add new items each week just to confuse us. Most items on the Taco Bell menu are made up words, and you don’t want to ask too many questions and look like a dummy. So, instead you just order everything). I try to keep it to
3-5 items when I do drive-thru by myself, because if I don’t give myself limits I will just keep ordering more and more stuff until there is nothing left to order.

What happened this past visit was we ordered our tacos, burritos and other stuff too, but we also wanted something sweet, so we ordered some Cinna Twists. As you know, Taco Bell is best when eaten fresh* (The word “fresh” doesn’t really mean anything in food lingo anymore. Fast Food companies have been using “fresh” to describe ingredients that are not “fresh” in any way. By “fresh” I mean eaten right away, because if you wait too long Taco Bell food transforms into something completely different).

*Remember back when Taco Bell had that problematic Mexican Chihuahua dog as their mascot? That was a fun time…

So, there we were in the car making our way through our bag of “fresh” goodness, and all of a sudden we finally reached the bottom and realized that there were no Cinna Twists. Lucky for us, we were eating our Taco Bell in the parking lot of Taco Bell, so we just hopped back in line to get our Cinna Twists. (Usually when you realize something is missing in your order you are already home with no pants and your shoes off. There’s no way you’re going back to Taco Bell once you’ve arrived in the NO PANTS ZONE, which is most likely on a couch in front of the TV).

Because we had the patience (and bravery) to get back in that long line of hungry hippos, we were rewarded greatly. When asked what we wanted, we told the lady that we didn’t receive our Cinna Twists, she just said, “Drive around,” which I thought was code for, “I don’t believe you,” or “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

When we arrived at the pick up window, the lady was smiling and she handed us a big Taco Bell bag, the kind that holds a whole family meal, and inside were about five to six orders of Cinna Twists. We said thank you and left before she could take it back from us.

What this whole experience taught me is that if you are brave enough to go through a drive-thru line twice, and say you’re missing something, you can probably get anything you want for FREE. The lady never checked our receipt or order, she just believed us (it was the truth, but I’m sure people lie all the time about not getting stuff). I’m sure you can even drive-thru on your first try and say that you didn’t get your Quesarito and be handed a bag full of Quesaritos. These drive-thru people get a whole butt-load of customers each and every night, and they can’t remember all of us.

I don’t think I will start stealing from fast food drive-thrus late at night, but now I know that if they ever mess up my order, I could just go back and tell them something is missing. Or, even better yet, I can check my bag when they hand it to me, even though it’s going the hold up the line for a few extra seconds. That’s probably what a normal person would do.

TACO BELL IS STILL AWESOME!

tacos-and-live-masFL title

Last night, I ate Taco Bell for the first time in maybe 3-5 years. And let me tell you that Taco Bell is still as awesome as I remember, except it’s better now. Lately, the only fast food I’ve been eating is Burger King. Anytime it’s Thursday and I get out of Improv class at 10PM and I’m starving, but don’t feel like going to Publix to get something I have to cook, I always end up at the Burger King drive-thru. Which was getting to the point that I had to stop myself and say, “No more BK!”

I’ve been dying to go to Taco Bell since they released that Naked Chicken Taco, but the bad news is that it’s already gone. Every time I drove by a TB, I would think of stopping, but then I would think to myself, Wait, will this meal even make it back to Key Biscayne without getting all sogged up and ruined? Because I usually don’t like to eat food in the car, I would rather eat it once I get home watching my recorded TV programs.

Last night I wasn’t even that hungry. I just had a weird day and felt that it was time for some TB. I arrived to an empty drive thru, with no cars in front of me and no time to read over the new, super massive menu. The voice in the box instantly asked, “What would you like,” and I replied with a long, “Uhhhhhhhhhh…,” as I quickly sifted through all the new additions to the menu.

I remember when the menu was so simple, there were some tacos, burritos, quesadillas, chalupas and a few other things. Since my last visit they’ve added a bunch of hybrid items like “quesa-ritos,” “double-dillas” and so much more.

When I was younger my order was very simple, “Three taco meal, soft, only beef and cheese and a chicken quesadilla.” Today, that would be too plain and boring, I needed to try something new, especially after 3-5 years of not visiting TB.

I decided I’d ask for three things and three things only, but what would those three things be? I first decided on a Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco, only beef and cheese. Cool Ranch Doritos have forever and always been my favorite Doritos, the purple Spicy Chili comes in a close second now, but never Nacho Cheese. The taco shell wasn’t overly Cool Ranch-y, but it still had enough of that flavor that I was happy with it.

For my second item I asked for a Quesarito, not knowing exactly what it was. I went with the spicy beef. I’m pretty sure there was cheese, beef, rice, sour cream and maybe some other stuff in there. It was mighty good. I guess it was a burrito with extra cheese that was put on the plancha like a quesadilla. Whatever it was I was satisfied with it.

My third and final item was the Cheesy Stuffed Gordita (or Cheesy Stuffed Gordita Supreme), with beef and no lettuce. I’m not sure which one I got, because I first asked for the Supreme and the guy said it didn’t exist, although I did read it somewhere on that giant menu. This was also delicious, although I waited too long to eat it and the crunchiness of the taco inside the Gordita was not as crunchy as I would have liked.

Why did I choose these three items? The Doritos Locos was always on my mind from the moment I first arrived and saw they had a Cool Ranch version (I thought that was an LTO, limited time offer, #FastFoodTalk). The other two were crunch time decisions. I was panicked by the voice in the box and felt I was put on the spot and had to order before an imaginary shot clock ran out. So, I quickly looked through the menu and said whatever items caught my attention. I also didn’t want to start asking questions about each item, “Now the quesarito, what is that all about?” And have to listen to this guy’s explanations of each item.

Knowing what I know now, about the super massive menu at Taco Bell I will definitely do my research before going back. I may study the menu to be prepared for my next visit. Maybe I’ll print it out and highlight some items that I am curious about. Either way, I will definitely be visiting TB some time in the near future (I’m not waiting another 3-5 years), and when I do visit I will be prepared.

 

What are some of your favorite Taco Bell items? (tell me by commenting below, and if you think you’re too good for Taco Bell, keep that sh*t to yourself…)