Urinals & Bathroom Humor

This first question is for the dudes. Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a pee in a public restroom and you hear female voices coming from outside and immediately think you may be in the wrong bathroom? Then, you look down and realize you’re peeing at a urinal and they don’t have those in women’s bathrooms — or at least that is what we’ve been told.

Do women even know what a urinal looks like in real life? I guess from TV and movies, right? But I bet they would look weird in real life if you weren’t used to seeing them all the time.


I remember back in middle school the boys thought it was funny to lock each other in the girls bathroom. It was like the scariest thing that could happen, because that is exactly where you would go to catch the cooties. One day our teacher got annoyed and split the class into two groups: girls and boys.

She then took the girls on a field trip to the boys bathroom and the boys on a field trip to the girls bathroom to show us they were basically the same. I think one boy asked, “hey, where’s the urinals?” I remember the girl’s room having pink tiles on the wall, while we had blue — like a gender reveal party.


Here’s another bathroom thing I hear all the time lately. Any time the line for the Men’s bathroom is longer than the Women’s, I hear about seventeen different people say the same thing, “Wow, the men’s line is longer than the women’s? That never happens.”

What I noticed lately is that this does happen, often. Usually at places like the movies, after watching a big action movie. Something like Top Gun: Maverick or any new Marvel or Star Wars. It happens at sporting events and at rock concerts. It even happens at casinos (last time I was at the Hard Rock).

I’m pretty sure the men’s line is longer than the women’s line in most bathrooms, other than bars. And even there, lately the men have had a longer line. It was in college when women’s lines were always longer.


That’s all the bathroom thoughts I’ve had lately. I hope you enjoyed them. Thanks and I’ll be back later this week or next week with a special new post if everything goes as planned.

Kids in Cool Music Shirts

The other day I was driving and I saw a kid (middle schooler) wearing an Outkast shirt, with the Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik album cover art. The first thought that came through my mind was, What does this kid know about Outkast? That album was released in 1994 — more than ten years before this child was even born.

Outkast • Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik album cover

I personally owned and wore my Outkast brand jean shorts, back when jean shorts were acceptable to wear in public — also many years before that same kid was even born.

It took a few minutes for me to realize that I was just being a silly grinch. Why do we have to think that way? I remember when I was in high school and I started listening to more Classic Rock. Today, I own Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin and Rush t-shirts — although I have seen Rush live twice. I’m just like that kid, but a future version of him. I’m sure many older people have seen me wearing my old band shirts and thought, What does this kid know about [INSERT OLD BAND NAME HERE].

Pretty much every human likes The Beatles and that’s fine, even though half of them are no longer living — and haven’t been for some time now. Music lasts forever. I recently started listening to a lot of Sam Cooke. That’s music from sixty years ago — the early 1960s.


I know plenty of parents who try to push their music, movies and shows onto their children. I try to push the stuff I like onto my nephews too. Also, I’m a fan of new music. Last year, my most listened to album was most likely Olivia Rodrigo’s SOUR — while running.

So why is it that any random young kid who likes a band you like is seen as a punk or poser? Maybe that kid has a cool parent (or aunt or uncle) who got them into Outkast. Maybe that kid went out and discovered these artists on their own. How much music did you discover on your own, and with the help of your friends or family members?

*But also maybe that kid is a little punk, because many of them are, but at least they have good taste in one area.

So, from now on when you see a child wearing a shirt featuring an old band, movie, game or anything that you’re a fan of maybe you should just give them a thumbs up, a high five, or a “Cool Shirt, kid,” or whatever it is they’re saying these days.

Another option is just to not get annoyed with them and say something like, That kid knows what’s up, in your own head so you don’t come off as a creepy old boomer to this little kid.

Either way, let’s all stop being jerks in real life and on the internet.

COVID DREAMS???

Has the Coronavirus infiltrated your dream world? For the most part my dreams haven’t contained much COVID yet (no masks or social distancing necessary). Most of my dreams have taken place in the past or possibly some alternate reality where this whole pandemic debacle hasn’t even happened (or maybe we had a real grown up president in my dreams who knew to listen to the smart people in the room and the whole thing has passed).

In my last dream, I discovered that I had a check for $1,500 from DMX (yes, that DMX the rapper AKA Earl Simmons). Maybe it came from one of his albums that I had owned
(It’s Dark and Hell is Hot? Flesh of my Flesh, Blood of my Blood? The Great Depression?) 

In my dream, I obviously went to the bank to check if this check was for real. I ran into a friend at the bank, helped start her car and from there the whole thing transformed into a murder mystery inside of the bank/haunted mansion (because now the bank had transformed into a haunted mansion). 

I never found out if that check from DMX was real or not. I definitely searched my room for it in the morning (Spoiler Alert! I found nothing but a few DMX CDs).
(…And then there was X, Grand Champ, The Great Depression)

I guess what I really wanted to say is, “Dreams are weird. Wear a mask and vote for Biden!”

-Also, I owned most of DMX’s discography, so maybe the dude does owe me a check.

MY THOUGHTS ON JIMMY BUFFETT

buffett-filejpg-ed76117160b4c70dFL title

This week’s learning isn’t about something that I recently discovered. This week I’m talking about something that I’ve known for quite some time. Before I go any further, let me just tell you that I am only expressing my opinion on this particular subject. If you do not agree with me, that is fine, you may just be an idiot.

What I’ve known for a while now is this:

Jimmy Buffett’s music is garbage!

It’s basically “The Wiggles,” but instead of being created with children in mind, he’s catering to a much different crowd — Drunken older white people (A.K.A. Parrotheads).

Any time Jimmy Buffett writes a new song, he uses the same formula as Barney, the Wiggles and all the other musical children’s TV shows. He asks himself these questions:

1 What does my audience like?

Cheeseburgers, Margaritas, Not Math

 

2 How can I make a catchy song about this subject?

Cheeseburger in Paradise, Margaritaville, Math Sucks


Two of these three songs became global restaurant chains.

Jimmy Buffett’s music may suck (like Math, according to him — I actually think math is awesome, and knowledge is power), but he is a killer business man. He has restaurants, bars, hotels, books, beers, blenders, drink mixes, sauces and all kinds of swag. He’s in Jurassic World (Spoiler Alert!) and there’s even a fake Margaritaville in the fake park in the movie.

Buffett is neither an “artist” nor a “musician,” he’s an entrepreneur who enjoys drinking, chilling outdoors and drinking some more. I just wanted to share my opinion about his music being for simple children who grew up to be simple adults. But you gotta give the man some credit, he is a genius who lived through a plane crash.

To demonstrate my point, watch this video for Fins.
What a dumb song…

JIMMY BUFFETT – FINS

 

Ok, maybe it’s not that bad, and it is kind of catchy. Look how much fun the drunk old white people are having. And the song comes with it’s own cool and easy-to-follow dance moves, like Soulja Boy but way simpler.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe Jimmy Buffett doesn’t suck so much.