This week I learned how racial profiling affects the bearded community at the airport. I learned on my way back from New York at La Guardia airport, when I made it through the TSA checkpoint in less than 10 minutes.

On my way to New York it took about 20-40 minutes, because they stopped me to search my bag (which was full of electronics). This time my bag had even more electronics in it (I came to New York with 4 external hard drives, but I’m leaving with 5).

So what I’m trying to say is I was checked at home due to racial profiling because of my appearance when I left for New York. Let’s check out a before and after picture and see who you would stop at the airport.

To the left is a picture of me when I left Miami to come up to New York. To the right is me with my new, grown up hair cut. Who do you think is more likely to get held back by TSA? Right, the one to the left (which is the one who did get stopped).

Having the TSA stop me, when I looked like a hobo with luggage in the airport, lets me know that they are doing their job (or at least trying too).

On another note, what’s up with Paula Deen, y’all?

This week I learned… What the crap? I just graduated from Miami Ad School yesterday… (Friday) so congratulations to me, and my other friends who graduated.

Ok, I knew this was gonna happen for a while, but graduation is kind of a big deal at MAS. You’re supposed to go up and give a presentation about what you learned, show your work or just talk crap for 3-5 minutes.

Since I’m in New York now for an internship, I was supposed to graduate and give my presentation at the Brooklyn school, but ain’t nobody got time fo that (that line is so 10 weeks ago…).

I decided I wasn’t going to go to the Brooklyn school for graduation, because it doesn’t feel like my school. I’ve been in New York for two quarters of my time at MAS, but I have only been to the school in Brooklyn about 3-5 times (for a class that ended up getting cancelled halfway thorough the quarter).

I spent 1 & a half years at the school in Miami (and 27 years of living in Miami). So, the Miami Ad School in Miami is “my school!”

I knew I wouldn’t make it back to Miami by 6pm on Friday, especially since it was our last official day at Razorfish (it looks like next Friday will be our non-official last day). I wanted to find a way to be in Miami for graduation with my friends. This is what I came up with (well me and Rei Roc):

This week I learned how to make a GIF (JIF or whatever the EFF you call it, but we will get to that later). This picture was taken the last time I was in New York, so sometime in October or November. It was taken with the intention of making it into a GIF (or whatever), and it took me until this week to finally learn how to make one [That’s 7 or 8 months for you non-Math Wizzerz (Wizzerz=plural of Wiz?)] (#doubleparenthesis).

So, I made this into a GIF, and it took me forever, but I did it. So, now it’s here and everyone can see it and love it and the world is a better place because of me, and nobody else.

I wanted to put this GIF on the interwebs, but I didn’t know how. Another hour went by figuring out how to get it on there to share it with the world. I had to learn what imgur.com is (I think it’s supposed to be pronounced: imager, but i see it as I-M-GRRRRR). For those of you who don’t know about this site, it’s a place for people to post things on the interwebs and be “trolls” ( a troll is someone who does what I do in real life, but on the interwebs; annoys people with stupid comments).

A few weeks ago, Steve Wilhite, the man who created the GIF, came out and told the world that it is actually pronounced “JIF.” Everyone freaked out, and now tries to correct me when I say Gif. I will not call it a “JIF,” sir. If you wanted it to be called a “JIF” you should have spelled it right, idiot. So, you decide to wait 25 years, until everyone is calling it a GIF to tell us we’re saying it wrong? Guess what Mr. Wilhite, you are saying it wrong, not us.

JIF is a peanut butter, and that’s all I have to say about that. Deuces.

This week I learned the difference between a Movie Premiere and Sneak Peek. I thought I had been to plenty of movie premieres back home, but what I was actually attending were sneak peeks (not the same, but still kind of cool).

A sneak peek is when they just show you the movie before it comes out, for free. I thought that was as good as it gets (but just wait, it gets better). I have been to a great deal of sneak peeks in Miami. I saw Hot Tub Time Machine, the Adjustment Bureau, She’s Out of my League and some other movies. I almost got to see the sneak peek of Bad Boys II back in the day, with Caron Butler (CB4) when he played for the Heat.

How did I almost see Bad Boys II sneak peek? We were at the movies seeing Terminator 3 or 4 (whichever one came out around that time). We met Caron Butler before our movie, buying popcorn and treats. He walked into a secret theater, and I told my friend “that’s a secret movie.” It was Bad Boys II, the week before it came out. We could have snuck into that for a real “sneak peek” (you know what I’m sayin’) instead of watching the silly and outdated Terminator.

A movie premiere is much different than a sneak peek. For a movie premiere there is a red carpet, celebrities, paparazzi, dress code, seat fillers, and even free food and drink if you’re lucky.

We were lucky enough to get tickets as “seat fillers” for the World Premiere of After Earth the other day. What a treat. First, we were able to watch After Earth with Big Willie and Jaden Smith, along with all the other actors from the movie. The director, M. Night Shamylan was even there and spoke about the movie before it started. When we walked in there was all the free popcorn and soda you could grab (we snuck in some m&m’s: pretzel).

Usually, when the audience applauds during a movie, it is stupid because no one important can hear you (ex. the actors, director, producers…). For a movie premiere, with the actors and director present, the audience should get excited. That way they know that the audience enjoys the movie. I can’t wait to go to my next movie premiere or sneak peek. I just love FREE movies, but you already knew this.

This week I learned that Chelsea would be playing Manchester City at Yankee Stadium. Actually, I learned this a while back, but I checked ticket prices and they were well over $100. When we saw that we decided we would not be going to the game.

What I actually learned this week, is that Stub Hub had some $50 tickets in the 300 level. I quickly called Daldo (my roommate/BFFFF) to let him know that I was buying these tickets right now.

The game is Saturday (the day this will be posted, so I wrote this before going to the game). I am very excited because this is my first futbol game (first real futbol game). Last year we went to a NY Red Bulls game, which was fun but it’s not the real deal. The field is smaller and the goal is tiny (also, the ball may be child sized?). Now I know why the MLS is the “retirement league” for Euro futbol stars, (it’s like if LeBron waited until he was in his 30s to go play college basketball, but worse).

It wasn’t until going to the Red Bulls game that I became a huge Chelsea FC fan. It also made me a NY Red Bulls fan (the only team from NY that I will ever support).

My obsession with Chelsea started from choosing them in FIFA (because I like to say their name in a British accent). I didn’t start waking up early weekend mornings to watch their matches until after going to see the Red Bulls play. Now, I may even love Chelsea more than the Marlins (but it’s hard to love the Marlins right now, even though I still believe they will make it to the World Series).

Today is the big game. I hope to learn something there that I can share with you all next week (if not I’m sure I’ll learn something somewhere else).

Warning: this Learning may not be as funny as the others, but it’s about something very important to me (I’ve attached some fun videos to keep you entertained).

This week I learned that Bill Hader will be leaving SNL after this season. I also learned that this saturday is the last show of the season. It’s so sad knowing that I may never see a new Stefon sketch again.

stefon!!!

First, Kristen Wiig left, which was a very sad day at the end of last season. Now, Bill Hader is leaving, and yes this makes me sad, but there are still some awesome cast members left.

Whenever I see a headline about SNL being over, because Hader is out, I think “whoever wrote this is retarded!” Sure it sucks that Bill Hader is leaving, but it’s Lorne Michael’s job to find the best talent and put them on this show to entertain us week and week.

We still have some superstars left. We got every bodies favorite drunk uncle, Bobby Moynihan. The man who can imitate any black actor, Jay Pharoah, who also does a killer impression of Stewie (Family Guy). All That’s Pierre Escargot, Kenan Thompson, who plays a better Charles Barkley than Charles Barkley himself. Taran Killam, master impersonator of Piers Morgan.

We also have some great new additions. Aidy Bryant, Tim Robinson and the girl you don’t want to have a conversation with at a party, Cecily Strong. Let’s not forget the amazing Kate McKinnon, who I believe is going to do some amazing stuff. Who doesn’t love Kate as Ellen?

I will definitely miss my dude Bill Hader, but I will continue to watch SNL until one of us dies. Thanks for all the great work, Bill, you EFFin’ Rocked our socks off!

Now watch these awesome sketches:

This week I learned about the greatest website ever created, and also an awesome movie. I’m not talking about Iron Man 3 people, which was also an amazing movie as I mentioned last week. I’m talking about ParaNorman.

ParaNorman was a great film, but I want to talk about the amazing website they made just for this movie. The website is really fun and interactive. You can learn a bunch before even watching the movie. The coolest part is the Stop Motion Zombie Lab. That is what I really wanted to do when I first heard about the site.

The Zombie Lab is the greatest internet invention ever made, because you can animate your own Stop Motion Zombie Dance Videos (or any kind of stop motion zombie videos). I have already created a few, but I was not able to save my most successful one, so I will have to try again this week.

If you have not been on this site stop reading this and go now. You can play on there for hours, unless you’re stupid and don’t understand how awesome it is. I just wanted to let the world know about this site.

Also, the movie is on instant Netflix, which pretty much everyone and their grandmother has now. So, watch the movie and play with the site and that is all for this week. If you are my friend on the Facebook you may see a sweet ass Zombie Dance Stop Motion video in a few days.

http://paranorman.com

Last time I moved to New York I learned that going to the movies costs way more here than it does back in Miami. Going to see a regular movie is maybe $2-3 more, which isn’t too bad. If you want to go to an IMAX, 3D or an IMAX 3D movie you need to plan ahead, and maybe not go out to eat for a week, so you don’t go broke.

We recently found a loophole to New York’s overpriced Cinema (many New Yorkers already know about this loophole). We learned that movies before noon are about $5-7 cheaper. This is where Super Saturday Morning Movies came from.

In the past two weeks I’ve seen two IMAX movies, Iron Man 3 and Oblivion. I have the rest of my time in the Big Apple planned out by which movie I will see each Saturday. Next weekend is the Great Gatsby, then Star Trek, then some more movies and we will finish with Man of Steel.

In college we would do Friday Morning Movies since we never had class on Fridays. Back then movies were $4 before noon, and we would sneak into another one so it would be like paying $2 a movie. Here it is harder to sneak in to a second movie. The theater by us is tough with security.

We could even bring in food (any kind of food), and they were OK with it, in Tallahassee. Last Saturday, I snuck in a muffin, but it was hard work. In the morning they should allow you to bring in outside food and beverages because they don’t serve breakfast food. I’m not going to eat a hot dog at 9am. The only breakfast-y thing they have at AMC theaters is probably cinnamon pretzels, but I don’t want to pay $6 for a breakfast pretzel.

The best part about Super Saturday Morning Movies is that I get to see a movie when I wake up and still have the whole day to do stuff. This Saturday we saw Iron Man 3 at 9am, went to eat breakfast, went to the park, took a nap in the sun, stole a bunch of free smart water, came home, showered, laid down for a bit, went to a BBQ, drank a few beers, ate a few hot dogs, went to a rock show, and then came home at around 3am. It was a long and awesome day, and it all started with IRON MAN 3.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, “GO SEE IRON MAN 3 NOW!”

This week I learned that Ben & Jerry’s loves me. I learned this because I was able to send the Ben & Jerry’s truck to a place in Miami, and I wasn’t even there. I also learned that some people are liars, but I will start with the B&J loving me first. After I’ll go into the thing about liars.

Why B&J’s loves me:

Earlier this week, the G-Unit asked me to tweet at the Ben & Jerry’s truck telling them to bring free ice cream to her at work (The G-Unit is my friend whom I will not name, but she is totally awesome, so I did what she asked).

I thought, sure I’ll tweet at them, but nothing is going to happen. WRONG! Something did happen. It only took about 5-10 minutes for Ben and Jerry’s Truck to answer. This is when I realized I AM AWESOME AT TWITTER. Later that day, I even told TG (another awesome friend of mine) that I AM REALLY GOOD AT TWITTER, which is totally true. When I tweet at someone, I get answers (about 36% of the time).

So, B&J’s answered me and said they would go to give the G-Unit and her co-workers some FREE Frogurt (Frozen Yogurt or FroYo or whatever you want to call it). The next day they went to give them FREE Frogurt at the time they said they would, and it was probably the best day ever for her and her whole office.

Why people are liars:

The next day I saw something on the G-Unit’s company Instagram. They put some pictures together of all the fun they had during their FREE ICE CREAM party (thanks to me). However, they did not give me any credit.

They wrote “We tweeted, they listened…” which is not true, because they weren’t the ones who tweeted. I was the one who tweeted for them. It’s awesome that Ben & Jerry’s listened to me and went to give these people FREE Ice Cream. I don’t need a thanks for doing it, but it’s not cool to take credit for what someone else does for you. That’s messed up.

Also, I’m kind of jealous that I wasn’t there to get my FREE Ice Cream on.

I am twenty-seven years old (shit!), and I have never owned a pair of Converse.

Well, I had some D.Wade Converse, but those don’t count as Converse. So, I still have never owned a pair of real Converse, UNTIL NOW!

I wanted to get my nephew his first pair of baby Jordan’s. My sister said her child would never wear baby Jordan’s, EVER!

So, for Easter I gave my nephew his first pair of Converse. That was when I realized I never had my first pair of Converse. I was going to buy them when I was still in Miami, but I decided I would wait until I came to New York to start my new life, as a Converse kid (Also, they would have taken up more room in my suitcase).

I went to DSW the other day just to see what they had. There was about seven pairs of Converse. For some reason the blue ones were more on sale than the others. So, of course I tried them on. Five minutes later I walked out of DSW with my first pair of Converse, blue Converse.

I looked at them the next morning and thought, I’ve made a huge mistake. Walking around the city in shoes with no support for my feet? I thought I would definitely get injured wearing these all day. I did not to wear them on Monday.

I wore them to work on Tuesday. I walked a few extra blocks to the second closest subway stop, just to break them in. I was surprised when I realized how comfortable these shoes were, especially on my first day using them.

The only problem was that I don’t have skinny jeans (Last Halloween my costume included skinny white jeans, and skinny jeans are actually really comfortable). The problem with my jeans is that the foot holes are too big for Converse and end up dragging my jeans on the ground and tearing them up.

I will continue to wear my Converse, I just need to (1) get new jeans, or (2) wear them with shorts. Uniqlo had some $20 skinny leg jeans, maybe I will go try those on and see how they work with my Converse. For $20 it just might be worth it.