THE GREAT DEBATE(S)

Ever since the late 1950’s, there has been an ongoing debate. According to my very quick internet research, that’s about the time the three point seat belt was created. We all know that seat belts save lives, however, a large amount of the population still chooses not to wear them.

Sure, they’re not very comfortable. They hurt your gut. Maybe you think you’re too cool for school (Well, I’ve got a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite… You Aren’t!***). Guess what fools! It’s the law (in Florida and I’m guessing in some other states too. Because Florida is always way behind on the times.) 

That’s the clever slogan around here

The new version of the great seat belt debate is whether to wear a mask or not during the current pandemic. A mask is like a seat belt (for your face). Wearing one (when in public) can save your life (as well as others), but some people are fools or they just don’t care. Maybe they don’t believe the virus is real (It is very real. Just ask Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson). Maybe they just love the current president and think “that [idiot] doesn’t wear a mask, so I don’t have to either?”

Here’s a new slogan for you, “Wear a mask, you stupid idiot!”

By now every person should own at least one mask, so put it on your face. If you don’t own a mask that’s a different story, you should just stay in your home until you find one.

Another problem is that some people are carrying around a mask, but don’t know how to properly wear them. I’ve created a series of drawings so we could all learn together HOW TO and HOW NOT TO wear our masks when in public or crowded spaces.

CORRECT!
I wear my mask/seat belt. I care about my safety and the safety of others.

How to properly wear a mask. Cover both your mouth and nose holes, because these are the two places you can breathe from (Unless you are some sort of fish/human hybrid with gills. You would need an entirely different type of mask with gill covers, possibly two separate types of masks?)

WRONG!!
I only wear half of my mask/seat belt.

People wearing a mask with their nose out are wrong. It’s like wearing just the top or bottom part of your seat belt. It doesn’t count unless you’re wearing the whole thing. Did you know that you can breath out of your nose as well as your mouth? Even if you are predominantly a mouth breather, you still need to cover those two nose holes.

THE MOST WRONG!!!
Hey, look at my mask/seat belt. No, I will not wear it.

These are the worst kind of people. They have a mask on their person, but still choose not to wear it. If you need to take off your mask for some reason, get away from everyone and do it, then come back when you’re ready to be a member of society.

If you have your mask hanging around your neck or off your ear. That’s like driving drunk, you shouldn’t even be here. You’re unqualified to be in public. Who invited you to the party?

So, I guess the point of this week’s learning is WEAR YOUR MASK! And if you have been wearing your mask I tell you this, “Great job! Keep up the good work.”

Congratulations! You get a virtual internet high five! (or two because I couldn’t decide which one I liked more)

***Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) said this in the 2001 box office hit ZOOLANDER.

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