Tag Archives: ads

The History of Face ID (according to me)

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When the iPhone first introduced Face ID in 2017 it was the coolest thing ever (to some people). Unlocking your iPhone felt like being an international spy or living in the distant future. Apple and many other tech companies started off with fingerprint scanning, but when that became the norm they had to step it up.

Unofficial Apple Meeting Transcript (2016) 

TIM: What if we can use their faces as a fingerprint?

BOB: What? Like a face print?

TIM: Yes, but don’t call it that.

SHIELA: What about Print Face.

BOB: Face Reader?

SHIELA: Open face???

TIM: I hate all of those.

SHIELA: Face ID?

TIM: Yes, thank you Shiela! Face ID! Make it happen nerds…

Now, in 2020 and 2021 the face recognition technology has become slightly obsolete. Not all the time, but most of the time thanks to the pandemic. Now that we’re all wearing masks we’ve gone back to entering our pins and being forced to remember our hundreds of saved passwords. It’s madness.

The sad part is that Apple took away the fingerprint reader from our iPhones, so now we’re forced to enter our pins instead (like it’s the early 2010s). We’ve regressed not only one but two generations to entering pin codes.

I don’t understand how my iPhone recognizes my face with and without glasses on. Each time I unlock my iPhone using my face I try to stump it by making a different silly face, but it always recognizes me somehow (and I know many of you do the same). This is why I don’t understand how it doesn’t know who I am when a mask is covering the lower third of my face? There’s still two thirds of my face for you to read iPhone!

Disney is now testing out face recognition software to enter the parks, but again we’re still wearing masks. At first I thought maybe they were having trouble with imposters pretending to be their friends who are passholders, but they already have our fingerprints (and I’m guessing it’s hard to fake that, unless once again you’re some kind of international spy).

I’m starting to think this whole Face ID and facial recognition software craze is just a ploy for all of these big companies to sell more of our information (aka our faces) to advertisers everywhere. We should have never given Apple our faces, but now it’s too late, they have everything and soon our world will become some dystopian Cyberpunk future.

Until then — Good luck, everyone…

Super Bowl LV in Review (Ad Edition)

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Let me start off by saying that I am a trained advertiser. My certificate from the Miami Ad School will prove that to you. Check it out right here:

My Miami Ad School Diploma for Copywriting

I am an also award-winning copywriter. My Andy Award will prove it to you. (I’ve received other awards too, they just wanted us to pay to create a physical version, so we didn’t do that). Check it out right here:

My Andy Award for our student project — The Underground Library

So, I think I’m pretty qualified to analyze Super Bowl Ads. Now, I did not watch the entire Super Bowl, and there’s only one set of ads that I want to talk about — the T-Mobile ones. And although they were very clever and funny, the overall message just doesn’t work and I’ll tell you why. (I hope none of my friends from Ad School were involved with these).

Super Bowl LV – T-Mobile Ad – Gwen & Blake

First off, did you watch the video above? Ok, good…

The ad says, DON’T TRUST YOUR LOVE LIFE TO JUST ANY NETWORK. T-Mobile is blaming Adam Levine’s “bad network” for Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani ending up together. So, if Adam Levine would have been using T-Mobile 5G back “a few year ago” then we wouldn’t have Blake and Gwen together today.

A few weeks ago, Bill Maher talked about how America needs a couple like Blake and Gwen to show us that we can all get along. If Blake and Gwen, two people with completely different political beliefs, can find a way to love each other then we should all be able to love each other too (Of course, some people are racist and evil and you don’t have to love them). This ad shows me that T-Mobile supports a divided country and that’s not cool. I am so glad to be an AT&T customer and I hope to one day have a poor service, life-changing FaceTime call with someone.

Now onto the second ad in this series: Gronk and Brady

Super Bowl LV – T-Mobile Ad – Gronk & Brady

The second ad shows that a poor service FaceTime call between Tom Brady and Gronk is the whole reason Tom Brady didn’t retire and won another Super Bowl. It’s also the reason why Gronk was forced to come back and get another ring with him. So, again if these two dudes had T-Mobile at the time of this call they would have been living a boring retired life instead of adding to their Super Bowl bling collections.

So, what we have learned from these two commercials?
Sometimes, great things happen when you have crappy service.

For these ads to have worked in T-Mobile’s favor they should have reversed the messaging to:
Bad things happen when you have crappy service.

* * *

There is only one Super Bowl commercial that has ever mattered to me. It was for Colgate (even though I’ve always been a Crest person and now a Sensodyne person). The commerical basically said, “Hey! Turn off the water while you brush your teeth, dummy!” It’s been five years and I still think of that message whenever I leave the faucet on while brushing my teeth.

So, that and of course anything featuring talking M&M’s always wins as my favorite commercials.

Colgate Faucet Ad – Super Bowl (2016)

Side Note: *The truth is most people are stupid and they’ll just think, ‘Aw, those T-Mobile commercials were real funny. I think I’ll get T-Mobile.’ And they won’t over-analyze the whole situation like me and that’s fine. I don’t actually believe that T-Mobile supports a divided country, I believe they are just as evil as the rest of the phone companies (including AT&T).

I was yesterday years old when…

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There are many items and products that we consume in our every day lives, without ever really thinking much about them. How was this created? Who created this? Where did the name come from?

Some products are named using multiple words which together make up that products identity, but on their own they may mean something completely different. In some cases there may even be a hidden meaning or a pun behind the name. So much goes into naming and branding nowadays. And most consumers don’t pay much attention to it, at all.

It’s not that you’re dumb and missed something. You just probably never thought about it. Just as we’ve all said things like, “Give me a Kleenex,” instead of a tissue, because Kleenex is the brand we associate with tissues. So much so that some of us think tissues are actually called Kleenex. Or, for the older folks you may have said, “Make me a Xerox of this,” another brand used in place of the phrase “photo copy.” Or Band Aid vs bandage.

Because these names are so commonly used in our vernacular we don’t stop to think about what they mean. Now, Chips Ahoy! is not something anyone says daily, unless they are actually specifically talking about enjoying some delicious Chips Ahoy! cookies.

The other night, while eating Chips Ahoy! cookie(s) (I won’t disclose the exact number, because I’m never sure how many cookies I’ve eaten in any given day or moment in time), I had an epiphany. While staring at the logo I thought of the name. I know Ahoy! is something associated with captains and boats and pirates and whatnot. So I started thinking what that had to do with cookies.

Then I began thinking about the word chips, yes for chocolate chips or whatever chips they put in each cookie. But why did they use chips and not cookie or biscuit or anything else. Then I realized that it was a play on Ships, Ships Ahoy! that’s what captains or pirates would say.

I went a bit further and did some research and all I learned from the internet is that the name Chips Ahoy! must have come from one of two places. Either it came from a Charles Dickens story from the 1800s or it came from a Donal Duck cartoon in the 1950s.

After figuring this whole thing out I kind of felt like an idiot, but I know that at least one person will read this and realize that they too are an idiot like me. So, to that one person, “You are no idiot, you are just as smart as I am.” And, you are welcome.

I will also spend the rest of this week analyzing the name of any food I eat.

Here are some fun Chips Ahoy! ads to enjoy while you think about how you’re going to get some Chips Ahoy! cookies next time you go to the grocery store (or Instacart some groceries).

1980s Chips Ahoy! commercial starring Blossom’s older brother, Joey Lawrence… Whoa!
And here’s something a bit more recent…

Enjoy your cookies!

NO COMMERCIAL BREAKS

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Cloud 0FL title

A few months ago, I began watching SUPERSTORE on Hulu. I had heard it was a fun, goofy show, and I’m a fan of “Jonah” (who plays the lawyer on Silicon Valley). I also liked that there were already four seasons to watch, so I knew it would take me some time to get through it all.

I’m not a binger of shows. I don’t enjoy watching a whole butt-load of episodes of one show in a single weekend, unless I have already seen the entire series and it’s playing in the background while I’m cooking or doing other stuff. I like to treat my shows like a fine Merlot. I take in one episode at a time, maybe two or three in a full day, at most. I let shows breath so that entire seasons don’t become one mega episode of mush in my brain.

Superstore has so much, “REAL” product placement in it, that it should not have commercial breaks. As someone who isn’t a fan of forced product placement in movies and TV shows (like Michael Bay’s 2-hour Transformers Car Commercials, AKA the ones after Shia Lebeouf), SUPERSTORE does a great job with having all the products on the shelves, but not in your face.

SUPERSTORE takes place inside of a Walmart clone, called Cloud 9. Cloud 9 carries only real products that you would find in Walmart and Target and other real-life superstores. Most times when you see a product on a TV series, it’s usually a fake brand they created just for the show, so they don’t have to deal with the companies who make these products.

I’ve only watched SUPERSTORE on Hulu, so I’m not sure if it actually has commercial breaks when episodes play on prime time (if it doesn’t leave a comment below and let me know). If a soccer game can get away with not having commercial breaks just because each player is a walking ad for the team sponsor, then SUPERSTORE should definitely not have commercials.

Perhaps SUPERSTORE can do what pod casters do and create their own ads within the show, where they get to say whatever they want. Sort of like how pod casters just say whatever they want when creating ads for strange internet brands, like MeUndies, Blue Apron and Third Love. 

SUPERSTORE is showing off so many products that we all know and already buy. While watching episodes I sometimes add things to my grocery list (this makes the show not only entertaining but also convenient). Usually, this would annoy me, but since they never really talk about the products or have the camera zoom in on certain ones it doesn’t bother me. It just makes the world seem more realistic.

On the show I’ve seen everything from La Croix, Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Doritos to Reed’s Ginger Beer and Squatty Potties. I hope all of these brands are paying SUPERSTORE to carry their products on the shelves of Cloud 9, and that is how SUPERSTORE will stay on TV forever, taking money from all of these rich companies to create entertainment as I slowly watch it on my friend’s Hulu account until the end of time.