This isn’t something I recently learned, it’s something I’ve always known (maybe not always, maybe just since I finally visited one). I’m not a fan of strip clubs, and there are a few reasons why.

You may think one reason is because I believe in Women’s Rights. That’s not true. Yes, I do believe in Women’s Rights, and that’s why I think that any woman can choose whatever job she wants. Even if she wants to be a stripper. Hey it’s your body, do what you want with it. If one of my dude friends told me he wanted to be a man stripper, I’d say go ahead. Go get your man stripping on. Just don’t invite me to your job!

The main reason I don’t like visiting strip clubs is because I don’t want to find out what kind of people some of my friends really are. I like to think that I choose “good” people as friends, with a few exceptions (you know who you are…). At strip clubs, dudes let out their real feelings about the world, women and nasty buffets (if you go to a strip club for the food, you are definitely a bad person and no one should be friends with you).

People will show their true “Donald Trump” side at a strip club. Saying horrible things about these sweet ladies who are taking off their clothes just for your entertainment. Most guys just become construction workers at a strip club. They yell out all kinds of things to these strippers that they would never say to any girl on the street (unless there happened to be outdoor strip clubs).

I don’t want to know if one of my friends is that creepy guy who stands right in front of the stage with one dollar in his hand, waiting as the stripper goes from guy to guy, collecting their dirty money with her mouth. These guys just continue standing there, like “Oh, I’m next! So exciting!” Forget about sloppy seconds, you’re in the sloppy 1000s, buddy.

I try to give everyone I meet a chance to show me they’re an OK person before I decide they suck. This is not true while driving, because everyone on the road sucks at life (and at driving). But if I meet someone in a strip club, that’s already weird. You don’t go to strip clubs to meet people, unless we’re discussing some type of law breaking activities while we’re there. I’m definitely going to decide that person is a crappy person just from that one encounter.

I could just go alone to the strip clubs I guess, but that would be super creepy. Also, what if I run into someone I know at the strip club? Someone who I probably don’t like, because “Nice” people don’t hang out at strip clubs on a Tuesday.

Now that person thinks I’m a dirtbag too and I already think the same about them. Plus, I have to go talk to them now, “I know it’s a Tuesday and I’m hanging out at this strip club, but I just want to let you know I’m not like a strip club regular.” and they’ll have to answer with the same thing, “Oh yeah, totally. Me either, just waiting for someone to meet me here, then we’re going to the Olive Garden.”

I also don’t feel very safe in a strip club. Anytime I’ve ever entered a strip club in a GTA (Grand Theft Auto) game the sh*t always goes down! Someone gets shot, people are killed and horrible things happen. Every time. It’s just not a safe place to be. Maybe I should blame video games and movies. Most strip club scenes in movies don’t end very happy either.

I love the women and support their rights, and also any career choices they make. But that doesn’t mean I have to go to a strip club to show my support. So, if I don’t go to a strip club with you there’s nothing wrong with me. There’s probably something wrong with you.