ANIMALS = MACHINES (birds are planes)

You know what’s crazy? Birds can fly. Think of any time you ask another human this question, If you could have one superpower what would it be? Most people say the ability to fly. Creepy people say invisibility so they can be peeping toms and get away with it.

Birds have that ability (Not the peeping tom one). Birds can fly. Birds are basically living, breathing planes. The whole idea for planes was definitely stolen from birds.

The Wright Bros Conversation

(A super long time ago)

Joe Wright: Yo bro, how can we get to North Carolina, but like real fast.

Greg Wright: I don’t know Joe.

(GREG looks up to the sky. Sees birds flying.)

Greg Wright: What if… Naw, never mind. That’s stupid.

Joe Wright: The only stupid thing you can do is not tell me what you just thought, bro.

Greg Wright: Well, what if we could do… that?

(GREG points to the birds)

Joe Wright: Oh my god! What???

Greg Wright: I know I told you it’s stupid.

Joe Wright: Stupid? Greg, you’re a genius.

*And that’s kind of how we got planes. Because of the Wright Brothers and birds and one day thinking about transportation while in an open field.

**No research was done to make sure this is how the Wright Brothers history went down. This is just a hypothesis.

This got me thinking, can humans do anything cool like that? Birds can transform into planes (even though birds came first). 

I guess humans can run, but that’s just like walking — but a little faster. Birds can do both of those things, and FLY!

What we can do is turn into boats, or submarines. Humans can swim. And swimming is pretty cool, because it’s not just moving through the water like walking or running under water. You have to become sort of a machine. You have to propel yourself through the water, using one of a few different techniques.

There’s also many different ways to swim and that’s very groovy too. We have the freestyle, the breaststroke, the backstroke, the froggy one (like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible). 

Birds only really have one, well, maybe two ways of flying — flappy wings or gliding.

How do you think swimming was invented? Who was the first human to swim? Was some human stuck in the middle of open water with nowhere to go and just started trying some different techniques out? Did someone fall in a pool and swim to the edge, and then everyone was like, “Yo, what was that? Are you a machine?”

I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I guess I was just trying to say that “Swimming is Cool!”

My New Favorite Superstar

BACK IN THE DAY

Back in the late 1900s and early 2000s, I was a big WWF fan (now known as WWE). I watched Monday Night Raw every week, and I even remember Smackdown coming on TV at some point during my fandom. I would record episodes on my VHS tape if I had to miss them, so I could watch them later (no streaming, TIVO or replays back then).

The Rock was, is and forever shall be my number one favorite Superstar. In fact, here’s a cool story. I’ve never met The Rock, but I do have his autograph (pictured below).

SIDE QUEST

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s Autograph

Side Quest
When I was in the 7th or 8th grade there was a WWF event happening in Miami, FL and The Rock was going to be at Bayside (back when it wasn’t super gross) signing autographs. The day it was all going down I happened to be in the middle of Midterms or Finals at school, so I couldn’t skip school for that 

Side Side Quest
Also, my mom worked at my school so it was kind of impossible for me to skip without her knowing. I once stayed up so late on a school night that my alarm clock (yes, not my cell phone, but a clock that was created to tell you the time and wake you up), didn’t wake me up. At around noon, my teacher had asked my mom if I was sick or something, and she said no. She came home and found me asleep and took me to school.

Side Quest cont.
Because I couldn’t go to Bayside, my coach (Tony) went to Bayside to meet The Rock and get his autograph for me. I will never forget that. (I also have a basketball signed by Bill Cosby because of Tony, which is another story for another day).


BACK IN THE DAY cont.

In middle school, I attended three or more Live WWF events (Raw, Smackdown and one of those late night ones no one watches like WWF Livewire). Since we were just kids at the time, my dad had to take me and two of my stupid friends. My dad was not a fan of wrestling, but he did it because he loves me.

Wrestling was a big part of our lives. We would all give each other DDTs and Stone Cold Stunners. We’d Rock Bottom each other into the pool. We’d shotgun soda cans like we were Stone Cold Steve Austin. We played WCW and WWF video games from the N64 on.

But then something happened. Sometime in High School, I just sort of dropped off of the WWF train. It was like the whole Santa Claus thing (which I believed in for way too long). Sure, I knew wrestling wasn’t real, but at some point it wasn’t cool to like it anymore. I moved on to other “cooler” stuff.

CUT TO A FEW WEEKS AGO…

My parents really wanted to watch the show Yellowstone, because all of their friends were talking about it. I did the research and found out it was streaming on Peacock, so I signed up for a  FREE one month subscription to Peacock just so they could watch three seasons of Yellowstone in about ten days.

One of those days I was at home working, and I checked Peacock just to see what was on there. I found some good stuff, The Office, Parks and Recreation, the new MacGruber show, a bunch of movies and sports stuff.

Then I noticed something. Off to the side on the menu bar I saw it — one tab that read “WWE.” When I went over to it, I unlocked a never-ending world of WWE (WCW, WWF and more). I could go back in time and watch any match from the beginning all the way up until today.

So, I started with what I knew. I went back to about a couple of years after I had stopped watching. I saw some of my most memorable Superstars. Some I remembered, some I had forgotten and others that seeing them instantly triggered so many great memories. 

I watched some Royal Rumbles, which are the most exciting matches in my opinion. You get to see thirty wrestlers enter the ring one at a time for a giant match. The only way to get eliminated is to be thrown over the top rope and have both feet touch the ground — something Kofi Kingston has gotten very good at avoiding (click on his name to see the highlights). It’s also a good time to see which Superstars, Hall of Famers and even celebrities join the Rumble.

NEW OBSESSION

This past weekend I saw online that the Royal Rumble was happening. Also, I learned that I would be able to watch live on Peacock (no more fifty or sixty dollar PPV events). That’s amazing! I ended up watching the latest Royal Rumble on Monday, both womens and mens. 

I also watched most of the other matches from that night, and of course, with every big match there’s a story of what led up to that match. This is where my WWE wrestling rabbit hole began. After the Royal Rumble traveled back a couple of weeks to see where some of this beef had developed.

I went back to a few Smackdowns from last month and last year. Next, to SummerSlam to see where the Edge vs Seth Rollins story had started. I continued to go back and forth to learn who these new superstars are. I watched some Xavier Woods aka Austin Creed matches (since I know of him from his Video Game podcast, Up Up Down Down). 

And then it happened. I found my new favorite (second favorite, because The Rock will always be number one in my heart) wrestler, Rick Boogs! (you need to click on his name to see why he’s the greatest).

Go ahead, I’ll wait…

Rick Boogs

It’s Rick Boogs y’all! 

I first saw Rick Boogs in the Royal Rumble in his wrestling singlet. I just thought he was some nerdy wrestler dude. It wasn’t until later on that I saw him introduce the King, Shinsuke Nakamura with his electric guitar that I thought, This is the best dude ever! King Nakamura also brings a lot of thunder to the entrance the way the music travels through his body.

I forgot how fun wrestling is to watch. The matches are exciting and crazy. The stories are stupid and fun. And the entrances are electrifying.

I mostly just wanted to share Rick Boogs with the rest of the world, and now I have done that. So, goodnight!

Ok here’s one more for you. RICK BOOGS!

The History of Face ID (according to me)

When the iPhone first introduced Face ID in 2017 it was the coolest thing ever (to some people). Unlocking your iPhone felt like being an international spy or living in the distant future. Apple and many other tech companies started off with fingerprint scanning, but when that became the norm they had to step it up.

Unofficial Apple Meeting Transcript (2016) 

TIM: What if we can use their faces as a fingerprint?

BOB: What? Like a face print?

TIM: Yes, but don’t call it that.

SHIELA: What about Print Face.

BOB: Face Reader?

SHIELA: Open face???

TIM: I hate all of those.

SHIELA: Face ID?

TIM: Yes, thank you Shiela! Face ID! Make it happen nerds…

Now, in 2020 and 2021 the face recognition technology has become slightly obsolete. Not all the time, but most of the time thanks to the pandemic. Now that we’re all wearing masks we’ve gone back to entering our pins and being forced to remember our hundreds of saved passwords. It’s madness.

The sad part is that Apple took away the fingerprint reader from our iPhones, so now we’re forced to enter our pins instead (like it’s the early 2010s). We’ve regressed not only one but two generations to entering pin codes.

I don’t understand how my iPhone recognizes my face with and without glasses on. Each time I unlock my iPhone using my face I try to stump it by making a different silly face, but it always recognizes me somehow (and I know many of you do the same). This is why I don’t understand how it doesn’t know who I am when a mask is covering the lower third of my face? There’s still two thirds of my face for you to read iPhone!

Disney is now testing out face recognition software to enter the parks, but again we’re still wearing masks. At first I thought maybe they were having trouble with imposters pretending to be their friends who are passholders, but they already have our fingerprints (and I’m guessing it’s hard to fake that, unless once again you’re some kind of international spy).

I’m starting to think this whole Face ID and facial recognition software craze is just a ploy for all of these big companies to sell more of our information (aka our faces) to advertisers everywhere. We should have never given Apple our faces, but now it’s too late, they have everything and soon our world will become some dystopian Cyberpunk future.

Until then — Good luck, everyone…