There are many items and products that we consume in our every day lives, without ever really thinking much about them. How was this created? Who created this? Where did the name come from?
Some products are named using multiple words which together make up that products identity, but on their own they may mean something completely different. In some cases there may even be a hidden meaning or a pun behind the name. So much goes into naming and branding nowadays. And most consumers don’t pay much attention to it, at all.
It’s not that you’re dumb and missed something. You just probably never thought about it. Just as we’ve all said things like, “Give me a Kleenex,” instead of a tissue, because Kleenex is the brand we associate with tissues. So much so that some of us think tissues are actually called Kleenex. Or, for the older folks you may have said, “Make me a Xerox of this,” another brand used in place of the phrase “photo copy.” Or Band Aid vs bandage.
Because these names are so commonly used in our vernacular we don’t stop to think about what they mean. Now, Chips Ahoy! is not something anyone says daily, unless they are actually specifically talking about enjoying some delicious Chips Ahoy! cookies.
The other night, while eating Chips Ahoy! cookie(s) (I won’t disclose the exact number, because I’m never sure how many cookies I’ve eaten in any given day or moment in time), I had an epiphany. While staring at the logo I thought of the name. I know Ahoy! is something associated with captains and boats and pirates and whatnot. So I started thinking what that had to do with cookies.
Then I began thinking about the word chips, yes for chocolate chips or whatever chips they put in each cookie. But why did they use chips and not cookie or biscuit or anything else. Then I realized that it was a play on Ships, Ships Ahoy! that’s what captains or pirates would say.
I went a bit further and did some research and all I learned from the internet is that the name Chips Ahoy! must have come from one of two places. Either it came from a Charles Dickens story from the 1800s or it came from a Donal Duck cartoon in the 1950s.
After figuring this whole thing out I kind of felt like an idiot, but I know that at least one person will read this and realize that they too are an idiot like me. So, to that one person, “You are no idiot, you are just as smart as I am.” And, you are welcome.
I will also spend the rest of this week analyzing the name of any food I eat.
Here are some fun Chips Ahoy! ads to enjoy while you think about how you’re going to get some Chips Ahoy! cookies next time you go to the grocery store (or Instacart some groceries).
I’ve been eating Lunchables pizza since they first came out in 1996 (back when I was in middle school). Lunchables Pizza was a game changer when they first arrived on the market. Until then, I believe the only Lunchables variety available were the cracker stackers (Turkey, Ham and Bologna…). Today, we even have grown up Lunchables and tons of strange varieties (including tacos and chicken nuggets).
I’m pretty sure I enjoyed my first few Lunchables Pizzas cold, as they were meant to be enjoyed by the folks at Oscar Mayer. It wasn’t long before I tried microwaving them to melt the cheese and have three hot little pizzas. The internet may think Kylie Jenner made that up, I’ve been doing it since the mid-90s, and she was born in 1997.
The real game changer was when I started baking my Lunchables Pizza in the toaster oven. Nuking them was fine for some little hot pies, but the toaster oven added a bit of a crispiness to the crust. It made the cheese meltier and everything just taste better overall. The toaster oven is better for any frozen “microwave” treats (things like Bagel Bites, Pizza Rolls, Hot Pockets…)
Now, I continue to eat plenty of Lunchables today as a grown up (mainly to try and win a second Nintendo Switch so I can play Splatoon 2 with my wonderful girlfriend, but also way before this contest came around). Back in the normal times, it was a good idea to have some Lunchables in the fridge for when I would come home hungry and need a late night snack. Lunchables Pizza is always quick, easy and delicious.
I will never be too old for Lunchables, and maybe that’s because the way I enjoy them continues to evolve. The point of me writing this was to teach you one thing and one thing only. It’s fine to eat Lunchables (of any kind) as an adult. And here’s how you can take your Lunchables Pizza game from “OK” to “Gourmet!”
STEP ONE: OUTSIDE HELP
There’s only one outside source you need to upgrade your Lunchables Pizza and that’s some “Real Cheese.”
First, we’re going to need to outsource some cheese. And I’m going to help you find the best cheese. Lunchables pizza cheese is ok, but it doesn’t melt quite right (especially in the toaster oven). Don’t toss it though, it’s still going to come in handy.
I like to recruit some Sargento, Kraft or maybe even some fancy Mozzarella di Bufula (I haven’t tried out that last one yet, but I’m excited to now). Sargento makes some real thick shredded cheeses and the mozzarella version is the best for any homemade pizza. So, that’s what I’ve currently been using.
STEP TWO: THE BUILD
This step is very simple, because the ingredients are all ready to go by now. All you have to do to build the ultimate Lunchables mini pizzas is:
(1) Lay down the crusts. If you have a little toaster oven rack it’s nice to raise your crusts off of the pan. If not you can even try putting them straight on the toaster oven rack, although that can lead to a big mess. So, if you don’t have the rack that’s fine, a pan will do.
(2) Slather on that tomato sauce. The sauce packet used to come with a tiny spoon or a little spreader, but I guess times are tough for the Oscar Mayer corporation and they had to stop giving those out. Or, perhaps they are more worried about the environment and didn’t want to supply more plastic for ruining our planet. Thanks for caring, Oscar!
(3) Drop a layer of your “fancy” cheese (the Sargento, Kraft, Bufula or whatever you’ve found). This is the part where you get to gourmet it up with the good stuff. As I said before I have not tried using the super fancy Mozzarella di Bufula, but one day I will and I bet it will be amazing.
(4) Top it with some pepperoni. Lunchables provides a total of nine pepperoni slices. That’s three per pizza, however, I like to eat at least one or two cold. Also, they are very large and round and three pepperoni slices on one of these small pizzas causes a bit of an overlap. They have been known to sometimes give an extra pepperoni slice, but also one or two less. Sometimes I put the pepperoni before step 2 or 3. I’ve had it in all the possible positions: under the sauce, over the sauce and over the cheese.
(5) Sprinkle on that Lunchables cheese. Now that you have all of your ingredients stacked you must be thinking, What about this Oscar Mayer provided cheese? Now’s the time to use it. Sprinkle as much or as little as you want on top of your pizza and you’re ready to stick it in the toaster oven.
STEP THREE: HEAT THE PIZZAS
I like to turn the toaster oven up to somewhere between 350 and 400 degrees for these bad boys. I leave them in until the good cheese and top cheese gets melty. I’d say somewhere between 7-10 minutes.
STEP FOUR: ENJOY YOUR GOURMET LUNCHABLES PIZZA
There you have it, now you’re done and it’s time to enjoy your three tiny delicious hot pies. If you don’t want to go through all of this trouble you can always eat it cold, and still try subbing in some “good” cheese. Also, you can always order some pizza from a real pizza place and enjoy that instead. I think of these as the perfect snack for when you’re craving some pizza but don’t want to order a whole pizza, because you know you will finish the whole thing and feel ashamed of yourself afterward.
I hope you do try to upgrade your Lunchables next time, and if you do please tell me how it went below in the comments. If you have any upgrades or hot tips for any type of Lunchables, I would also like to hear those.
I very much remember the commercials for Klondike bars as a kid, “What would you do-oh-ooh for a Klondike bar.” If you don’t remember them that’s ok, here’s one from the year I was born (1986):
Strange Klondike commercial from the year I was born.
Side Note: I also remember there was a big shaggy sheepdog in my neighborhood named Klondike who gave the best big shaggy hugs. We’d be outside playing basketball or rollerblading (or whatever kids were doing back in the 90s) and we’d always stop whatever we were doing to give Klondike a big smelly, shaggy hug. He was a big sweet boy.
I have always loved ice cream, but I never really got into Klondike bars in my childhood. Maybe the strange ads turned me off of them? Oh, wait, I have to complete a task for the right to enjoy one of these? No thanks, I’ll just get some regular ice cream from the store, instead. It wasn’t until way later on in life (most likely at a friend’s house) that I was finally able to try one.
I first tried the regular chocolate shell with vanilla ice cream inside. It was fine, but the market was full of competition in the milk chocolate shell/vanilla ice cream game. Haagen Daaz had their “hand-dipped” bars, Dove had their mini tunnel shaped ones, Blue Bell and Blue Bunny probably had something similar.
(Cut to the pandemic) I’ve been doing groceries for my parents each week, and I always like to go for what’s on sale when I can (It’s fun to see how much money you saved at the end of grocery shopping. It’s like a built-in mini-game). Klondikes were recently buy one, get one free (for a couple of weeks, actually). So, I got some Oreo, Heath, Reese’s (I’ve tried a few different flavors and I plan on trying a few more). And after trying a few different versions, I can now say that I am a big fan of Klondike bars and what they have to offer.
Now, going back to the commercial, I don’t think I would do anything crazy for a Klondike bar. They are delicious, but I would still just pay a couple dollars for one or a few of them. I would possibly make a trade, using an item I don’t really care for, for one.
Maybe trade in some other treats? But other than just buying it or trading for it, I don’t think there’s much else I would do for a Klondike bar. I do really enjoy them, I just wouldn’t trade a functional kidney for one or anything unnecessary.
The burger was the first food I learned to cook — on the grill. Before that my specialty was Lunchables pizza, hot dogs, Bagel Bites and other microwavable dishes. As a kid I wasn’t a huge fan of burgers, I thought of them as a meatloaf sandwich and I guess I was sick of all the meatloaf.
It wasn’t until I saw the movie Good Burger that I finally craved a hamburger (those Mondo Burgers looked mega delicious). Leaving the theater, my mom took us straight to the King of all burgers (Burger King). That’s when burgers instantly became one of my favorite meals (Thank you, Kenan and Kel).
Cut to a few years ago, where the vegans are trying to encroach on my burgers with a new challenger — The Meatless Burger!
Sure, we’ve seen this before in many forms: mushroom burgers, black bean burgers, eggplant burgers, quinoa burgers. But the Impossible & Beyond burgers and all these plant-based alternatives are something totally different. They aren’t burgers for vegans, they are vegan burgers for meat eaters disguised to look, taste and feel like real meat burgers.
Of course, at first I thought, “No thank you.” But, after hearing reviews I became intrigued or maybe it was just disbelief. I thought, a fake plant-made burger can’t taste anything like the real thing.
*Disclaimer: I’ve only tried the Beyond Burger, I haven’t had the pleasure of trying the Impossible Burgers, or even the Impossible Whopper (however, I still one day hope to eat an ImpossibleWhopper and regular Whopper back to back for a true taste test).
I recently cooked up some Beyond Burgers (I buy them when I see them on sale) using two different methods, BBQ grill and stove top. They were both seasoned the same way (sea salt, black pepper and some Lawry’s seasoned salt). They also had the same exact toppings (ketchup, mustard, pickles and American cheese).
SKILLET COOKED
Cooking a Beyond Burger in the skillet is great, a cast iron is even better for a crispy, crusty exterior. I use ghee (unclarified butter) for the high smoking point. It doesn’t burn or get any burnt nasties in it while heating up.
Sometimes the grill may not be accessible: it may be rainy, maybe you don’t want to smell like BBQ, perhaps you’re just lazy. Many factors come into play. But the skillet is a fine way to get a good flavor, but the “planty/non-burger” flavor comes out more in this method.
I also warmed the bun in the toaster oven to create a nice, soft pillow for my burger to lay on.
BBQ GRILLED
The grill is fantastic for Beyond Burgers. You can get it real hot and cook your patty pretty quickly. The fire gives it more of a charred/burger taste. It also hides the “planty/non-burger” flavor much better.
You can also toss some cheese on the patty towards the end of the grilling phase and let it melt (this also works on the skillet, better when covered, but the grill gets that cheese extra melty). I also love tossing my burger bun right on the grill, insides face down, getting it warm and a little crispy.
THE VERDICT
When it comes to fake burgers, grilled is the way to go (if you can). The skillet comes in close second (of course it does, those are the only two methods I tried). It still tastes kind of like a real burger, just a little less than when grilled. However, if you’re really craving a burger, I say just have a real meat burger, but these are still a fine alternative to try something new.
REAL BURGER TALK
I used to be a grilled meat burger fan, but I’ve recently become more of a skillet burger cooker (and eater). I like my diner-style burgers, cooked in hot ghee and preferably on a cast iron skillet. The cast iron may fog up your whole kitchen with smoke, and be a pain to clean at times, you also may burn yourself a bit, but it’s all totally worth it. If you don’t own a cast iron skillet, it’s definitely time to invest in one (especially with all the cooking we’re all doing now while stuck at home).
I’m not telling anyone to eat these fake meatless burgers. I’m just saying if you want to try them (and you find them on sale) they aren’t so bad. Also, don’t let the Beyond Burgers make a fool of you, there are only two patties per package. That’s one reason why I only buy them on sale. For the price of two you can get four or even six meat burgers, and I’m talking good quality meat.
Thanks for listening, enjoy your burger (however you enjoy it)!
For the past few months I’ve been reading an unreleased book (written by a friend) to help out with a super secret project for the upcoming release of this book. Since this is an unreleased work, it has not yet been printed onto paper and I was sent a top secret PDF.
So, for the first time ever, I’ve had to read an entire book using only my iPad, and I’m not hating the experience. I’m talking about the experience of reading on an iPad. Not the content of the story. I’m really digging that.
For my entire life, I’ve enjoyed books in their physical form (I did read a few chapters of A Game of Thrones on my iPad just to test it out, since I owned both the digital and physical version). Sure, I read tons of articles on a screen most days. I even read stuff on my tiny iPhone screen (my current iPhone isn’t that tiny, but those older models were kind of tiny to be reading full articles on). I even do the bulk of my writing on digital screens (PC, MacBook, iPad, iPhone).
I’m thinking it may be a good idea to start making the switch to more digital books. For one thing, I have my iPad with me most of the time, and my iPhone with me all of the time (which could also keep track of my reading habits through the mysterious iCloud). It will be much easier to read anywhere without having to take a book around, plus I wouldn’t have books all over my room (but I love books! Books for reading. Books of art. Books of music and poetry. All kinds of books).
I love reading physical books. I enjoy turning pages and although the iPad can digitally simulate that feeling, it’s just not the same. I kind of like, but also sometimes don’t like how iBooks tells me, “you have __ pages left in this chapter,” at the bottom of the screen. When reading a physical book late at night I do find myself counting how many pages are left in the current chapter. But sometimes I don’t need to know (ten or more pages left is always a discouraging number and I am on the verge of quitting reading to play video games instead).
I like using bookmarks (I use movie tickets, business cards and sometimes actual bookmarks). The iPad bookmark is strange and I almost always forget to unmark it when I begin reading again, leaving an iBook with tons of marked pages throughout my journey.
I don’t want to read my iPad out in the sun and get it all sweaty and full of sunscreen. On a bright day, the screen just can’t get bright enough. Physical books are way safer in the great outdoors.
However, on an iPad reading in the dark is much easier. Perhaps books, like DVD’s and Blu-Ray’s should come with digital copies when you purchase the physical version. It would be nice to freely jump from a physical book for certain occasions to the digital version at other times. I don’t need an audiobook though, unless it’s in the form of a radio play or there’s something fun going on with the voice over (I have been listening to Rakim read his book Sweat the Technique, since the audio version is available on Apple Music. That’s a fun audio book because he’s reading his lyrics throughout the book).
Perhaps my next project will be to read a physical and digital book at the same time, maybe as a race to determine which is faster for me. And which version of reading will truly win. Otherwise, I will continue to read physical books and digital articles and other stuff too.
*I mentioned iPads, iPhones, MacBooks, Apple Music, iCloud, iBooks and more in this article, but in no way is this a paid ad for Apple. I just happen to be a fan of their products and services.
Ever since the late 1950’s, there has been an ongoing debate. According to my very quick internet research, that’s about the time the three point seat belt was created. We all know that seat belts save lives, however, a large amount of the population still chooses not to wear them.
Sure, they’re not very comfortable. They hurt your gut. Maybe you think you’re too cool for school (Well, I’ve got a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite… You Aren’t!***). Guess what fools! It’s the law (in Florida and I’m guessing in some other states too. Because Florida is always way behind on the times.)
That’s the clever slogan around here
The new version of the great seat belt debate is whether to wear a mask or not during the current pandemic. A mask is like a seat belt (for your face). Wearing one (when in public) can save your life (as well as others), but some people are fools or they just don’t care. Maybe they don’t believe the virus is real (It is very real. Just ask Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson). Maybe they just love the current president and think “that [idiot] doesn’t wear a mask, so I don’t have to either?”
Here’s a new slogan for you, “Wear a mask, you stupid idiot!”
By now every person should own at least one mask, so put it on your face. If you don’t own a mask that’s a different story, you should just stay in your home until you find one.
Another problem is that some people are carrying around a mask, but don’t know how to properly wear them. I’ve created a series of drawings so we could all learn together HOW TO and HOW NOT TO wear our masks when in public or crowded spaces.
CORRECT! I wear my mask/seat belt. I care about my safety and the safety of others.
How to properly wear a mask. Cover both your mouth and nose holes, because these are the two places you can breathe from (Unless you are some sort of fish/human hybrid with gills. You would need an entirely different type of mask with gill covers, possibly two separate types of masks?)
WRONG!! I only wear half of my mask/seat belt.
People wearing a mask with their nose out are wrong. It’s like wearing just the top or bottom part of your seat belt. It doesn’t count unless you’re wearing the whole thing. Did you know that you can breath out of your nose as well as your mouth? Even if you are predominantly a mouth breather, you still need to cover those two nose holes.
THE MOST WRONG!!! Hey, look at my mask/seat belt. No, I will not wear it.
These are the worst kind of people. They have a mask on their person, but still choose not to wear it. If you need to take off your mask for some reason, get away from everyone and do it, then come back when you’re ready to be a member of society.
If you have your mask hanging around your neck or off your ear. That’s like driving drunk, you shouldn’t even be here. You’re unqualified to be in public. Who invited you to the party?
So, I guess the point of this week’s learning is WEAR YOUR MASK! And if you have been wearing your mask I tell you this, “Great job! Keep up the good work.”
Congratulations! You get a virtual internet high five! (or two because I couldn’t decide which one I liked more)
***Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) said this in the 2001 box office hit ZOOLANDER.
Ferdi's Learnings 