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DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS

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As children we’re taught not to talk to strangers. Then we grow up to become one of two types of people: (1) those who talk to strangers, and (2) those who do not.

I’m the second type of person. I definitely do not talk to strangers. I have nothing to say to random people I run into at bars, in lines or at the grocery store. I barely even talk to the people I know, because most of you people are weirdos.

Some people think, now that I’m a grown up it’s ok to talk to strangers. And they are wrong!

Just because I rode one floor in an elevator with you, it doesn’t mean I have to tell you to have a good day. This elevator ride was less than a minute. Now let’s split up and go our separate ways, never to cross paths again. And if we do cross paths in the future, just pretend you don’t know me, because you don’t.

Don’t tell me what you’re about to order when I’m behind you in line at Shake Shack. I don’t care whether you get extra Shack Sauce or not. I don’t even care to ask the people I’m with what they ordered. I’m just here to get my Shack Burger, fries and frozen custard.

And definitely don’t try talking to me when you’re next to me at a urinal. I don’t know you, sir. And I definitely don’t want to get to know you right now, with my wiener in my hand and your wiener in yours. We’re both here to pee and leave.

Have you ever been at a car dealership, waiting on your vehicle and a veteran starts talking to you. Or any old person. It’s literally the worst thing that could ever happen. They start telling you all their racist political beliefs and you don’t give a damn, but you can’t say anything because they’re old and crazy and you don’t know what they’re capable of. You don’t know if this person is about to change your beliefs. So, you just shut up and nod your head in agreement. No, that’s never happened to you? Well it’s happened to me way too many times.

Maybe I don’t enjoy talking to strangers because only the strangest of the strange have talked to me. Maybe I should shave my face and stop looking like a homeless person with a job. Maybe it’s time for an extreme makeover to attract a different kind of stranger. A more normal, prettier type of stranger. One who will ask me interesting questions. Not someone who will tell me why they’re voting for Donald Trump, and why I should join the revolution.

Maybe it’s time to start talking to more strangers?

Ferdi’s Ice Cream History

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Last week I announced to the world that I am going to start making Ice Cream for everyone… [for Money]. So, now I have to come up with a whole business plan and all that jazz. I didn’t think people were going to be so excited, but they were. Now I kind of wish I had more hands so I could make more ice cream for more people (having more hands wouldn’t really help at all. What I really need is more Freezer bowls, or maybe an industrial ice cream machine. That would be pretty sweet).

How did I get into this whole Ice cream thing? I’ll tell you:

A few years ago I was given an ice cream machine (by Buttnessa*), so I could make ice cream for her. And I did. We made a Mascarpone Chocolate Chip Ice Cream (a la Giada) that was delicious. And I’ve made it a few more times since. After making that ice cream I used the machine a few more times and then it just sat there for a while.

I found a Ben & Jerry’s recipe book for only $5 with very simple recipes. That’s when I began experimenting with more ice cream creations. This book told me to just quickly mix my ingredients together and throw them in the ice cream machine and see what happens.

Later, I came across a new ice cream recipe book from Bi-Rite Creamery in San Francisco. I’ve never been there, but I hope to one day go visit them (and let them know that they either changed my life and maybe some others). This book taught me about “cooking” the cream before freezing it (like some Walter White Blue Magic chemistry experiment ice cream). This was a much longer process, but with much creamier and much more delectable results.

I made a few recipes from the book and created some of my own, starting with their bases and adding whatever I felt like throwing in there.

This Christmas I decided to make ice cream for my friends, because that’s cheaper than buying everyone gifts and I had no money. It was during Christmas that I developed my own ice cream base recipe (which I will not share with anyone). Everyone loved their ice cream, and some of them told me their friends were over and tried some and said they would pay money for it. (I even made an ice cream birthday cake for my best friend, sIsI*).

It was through all this ice cream making that I came up with the idea to sell my ice cream to strangers and friends (for money).

So, starting some time in May, I will make the announcement of how to place your orders, what the name of my ice cream will be, what you can order and all that other good stuff. So, be prepared world (or people in Miami, because I can’t ship ice cream across the world, YET… but dry ice does exist, so keep your fingers crossed non-Miami friends) because my ice cream is coming for you!
*The real names and identities of individuals named in this learning have been changed to protect those individuals.