Debate Night: Part II


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Last Sunday, I was tricked into watching the second Presidential debate. How did I get tricked into watching a debate? I’ll tell ya. On my way to a birthday celebration I stopped by my friends’ new home to gift them some special coffee beans, because I am a great friend! We had some magical coffee and I helped them organize the house a bit (or maybe just watched them do that while drinking my coffee).

When it was time for me to leave they told me to return after the birthday celebration to watch the debate, and I said, “only if we can also watch Westworld episode 2.” I came back for the debate with beers and I was fed delicious food, but I got no Westworld episode 2. I had to wait a whole extra day until Monday night to watch Westworld episode two. Luckily Westworld is not at Game of Thrones status yet, or it would have been spoiled.

The debate was stupid. Just two grown ups acting like little baby kids. Each candidate would begin with “He/she said this…” then the next one would go saying, “Uh, I never said that, but you did say this…” and on and on it went for two whole hours! It was stupid and I didn’t learn a thing about either candidate during the whole thing.

Donald would say things like, “She’s a liar,” or “She’s a thief,” but would never explain why. And Hillary would say words, I’m just not sure what they all meant. Both candidates would try to talk the most when it wasn’t their turn. That’s why this second debate needed not one, but two moderators to try to stop the candidates from speaking out of turn, which did not work out very well.

They were featuring some hot tweets on the screen, so I immediately began tweeting to try and get featured on TV. Here’s some of my better tweets from the debate:



I began tweeting too late, because once I began they took down the Twitter feed and replaced it with, WATCH THE DEBATE ONLINE, even though if you’re seeing that message it’s too late, because that means you are already watching the debate.

The one thing I did learn during this debate, because I was guilty of it too, is that the only reason anyone watches these debates or any other live event on TV is to have an opinion to share on social media. Any time there’s a  live event is on TV, your social news feeds get filled with people talking crap about any little thing they notice (which is exactly what I did on Twitter that night).

I heard there’s supposed to be another debate, and I for one will not be watching it. In fact, I’ll boycott it if anyone tries to make me watch it. I don’t have to watch it, I already voted. And in case you’re wondering, the answer is YES! I did vote [Fill in the Blank], and I wrote “OBAMA” in the blank. If we all write OBAMA as our fill in the blank, then he can win! Yes We Can, everyone! #OBAMA2016

Also, in case you missed the debate, we all know who the true winner was last Sunday night…




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I don’t usually talk about politics in my learnings (or in real life), because I don’t know anything about politics. Also, I think every politician alive is a dirtbag, and I might be related to a few of them. I’ve only voted once in my life, and I only voted because they sent a ballot to my house. I was able to vote on my couch, in my undies. Anytime I see the news on TV I quickly change the channel (because I hate being depressed). I get my news from the “Today Show” and late night monologues. The only current events I follow online comes from: [POLYGON, IGN] Video Games, [THE VERGE] Technology, [NERDIST] Nerd stuff and anything about movies, entertainment or pop culture. So, anything that I say here that sounds dumb, just know this. I am dumb. I’m ignorant. And I don’t care.

Everyone is talking about Donald Trump. When I first heard Donald Trump was running for president I thought, maybe there’s a second Donald Trump that I’ve never heard of. Maybe this other Donald Trump is a senator or someone kind of important. He wasn’t. It was the same Donald Trump from “The Apprentice” and all the towers.

The next thing I thought was, He’s just doing this to get more people to tune in when he hosts SNL. Then, after hosting SNL he still didn’t drop out. Not only did he stay in the race, but he’s been leading the Republican candidates ever since. Republicans who actually work in politics, except the creepy doctor with the lazy hands. But for the other dudes — Politics is their actual job.

Donald Trump is leading against actual senators and current government figures. Donald Trump is leading by (h)uge numbers (a guy who thinks the ‘h’ in ‘huge’ is a silent one). How shitty are Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and these other Republicans running against Trump? These guys suck so bad that they’re losing to a celebrity billionaire (or maybe just a millionaire).

People choosing Trump of “qualified government officials” is like if I chipped a tooth, and I went to see a dentist for a quote to fix that tooth. Then the dentist told me, “That’s like $500,” but my friend was there with me. And my friend tells me, “I can fix it. Just buy me a beer.” So I tell the dentist, “No thanks, I’m just gonna go with this guy.”

It’s great to hear Americans say, “I love Donald Trump because he speaks the truth,” because what they’re really saying is, “I love Donald Trump because he’s racist. And I am also racist. That’s why I like him.”

The strangest thing is that Donald Trump is winning by so much, yet I haven’t met one person who openly supports Trump. His rallies are full of people, just horrible people that I would never be friends with. It’s like how I’ve never met anyone who watches any of these “ #1 comedies” on CBS, like Two & Half Men or The Big Bang Theory. But, according to CBS, these people do exist because the numbers don’t lie. Or maybe someone is lying to us. Or the person running these numbers is just not good at math.

It’s time for everyone to stop worrying. Donald Trump has ZERO chance at becoming “America’s Next Top President!” Why? Because none of our votes actually count. It’s all up to twelve dudes in a room. And once they release that white smoke from their little chimney we will know who our new president is…


Probably Hillary or some other person we don’t know yet. Maybe our next president will be Ross Perot (Is Ross Perot still alive?).

***CORRECTION : Since writing this article I was informed that twelve dudes is a jury. And the white smoke thing is how the Catholic Church picks the pope. So, I would like to apologize. I was wrong. We’re screwed, America! Have a nice day.