THAT NEW KYGO CD

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The time is now 12:10 AM and it’s Thursday. I have to post a new learning in about 9-10 hours and I have nothing. What should I write about? What have I learned this week? Last weekend I began watching the show LOVE on Netflix, created by Paul Rust and Judd Apatow (and maybe someone else). So far, the show is pretty weird, but also funny and I love Paul Rust and Britta from Community (especially because she is a completely different character in this show). I think I’ve watched 6 of 12-13 episodes and I plan to finish it this weekend.

The problem is that while I started watching this show I am still way behind on my other shows, like the New Girl, the Grinder, Modern Family, a bunch of other Netflix shows, I’m still somewhere in season 3 of Friends, and I’m 3 or 4 weeks behind on SNL. And who’s to say I won’t start season 2 of Gracie and Frankie this weekend, instead of finishing LOVE and my other shows.

I don’t have time for TV and exercise and video games and friends (real life, not the show) anymore. I now have time for either [tv] OR [exercise] OR OR [friends]. I have to choose what I want to do each night, because I only have so many free hours.

One thing I have had time for is the new Kygo album. I’ve been waiting for this guy to make a whole album because I really liked his first few singles. As I said on Twitter yesterday: “I never really listen to Robot-Deep-House-Dish Music, but this new Kygo is Chill as Fuuuuuuuuu…” (or something like that). The album dropped (because albums don’t “Come out” or “Get released” anymore, they DROP!) last Friday (also, now music drops on Friday, not Tuesdays like movies, because Best Buy said so). I didn’t know the album existed until Monday. Since Monday, I’ve listened to the album in its entirety at least 10 times, probably more than that.

The whole album has artists I never heard of on each track, but they all have Kygo’s killer beats and funky mixes with the artists singing. The only artist I did know on the album was John Legend, who sings Happy Birthday. Any song named Happy Birthday is going to be a hit, especially when featuring John Legend. Why will it be a hit? Because everyone has a birthday, and birthday’s are happening every day, and people are sick of the original happy birthday song and are always looking for some new version (The Beatles, 50 Cent, Uncle Luke).

For reals though, this album is super chill as Fuuuuuuuu…. And that’s the only way I can describe it. I plan on listening to it much more, maybe even while running. Definitely while grilling.

Just a few months ago I met Kygo, or I thought I was meeting him. It was just a kid wearing a Kygo hat, but I thought Hey, this Kygo guy isn’t that big of a deal yet, maybe this is really him. He did play along and pretend to be the real Kygo when I asked, “Oh, wait, you’re THE KYGO?” So, I will continue to tell people that I met the REAL KYGO.

Also the new M83 album is real dope. I’ve been listening to that one a lot too. Some of the songs may be weird, but overall the whole album is awesome. Ok goodnight, I’m about to play Kygo on my appleTV and go to sleep.

If you heard the new KYGO album, write a comment telling me if you think it’s “Chill as Fuuuuuuuu…” or not, and if you haven’t listened yet, then go listen. What are you waiting for? I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, but seriously, go listen! Then comment.

*P.S. Please excuse any grammar errors, typos or whatever else is wrong with this. I wrote it when I was tired and even fell asleep somewhere in the middle for a bit with the computer on my chest. 

BIRTHDAYS ARE WEIRD, RIGHT?

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This past Monday was my 30th birthday and if you didn’t say “Happy Birthday” by now, you’re already too late. I don’t care. Birthday’s are weird, right? Especially since the creation of the Facebook. I think Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook so he could have a database of all his friends’ birthdays. That’s not true. Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook because he had no friends and thought it would help, or was it because of his ex-girlfriend, Rooney Mara? It doesn’t matter why he did it, what matters is that he ruined birthdays.

Remember a time before Facebook? I’m talking pre-2004. When people had to remember their friends’ birthdays in their brain, or on a calendar. You would have to call your closest friends at 12:01 on their birthday, which later became a text anytime between 12:01 and 12:15. When you remembered someone’s birthday it was sweet, it could’ve even been enough to get someone to like you (not Facebook ‘Like,’ but like a real-life LIKE).

Then Facebook came along and ruined it. Now we’re bombarded daily with everyone’s birthdays and there’s no excuse to forget it. Also, you have to make a choice:

It’s Stacy’s birthday today! Hm, is Stacy a phone call friend? A text message friend? A Facebook post friend? A Facebook message friend? Do I give her a Facebook post and a text message? Do I call her at midnight, but then write on her wall tomorrow? What should I write on her wall? Just Happy Birthday? Happy Bday? Maybe just HBD, but that sounds like some weird kind of disease. Definitely not HBD. How about something more personal? Should I write a joke about that one time we kissed on the mouth? Should I make her an Instagram collage? Maybe a special tweet?

Facebook has now opened a can of birthday worms, and this can is opened daily. Some days there are like 10 birthdays, and I’m forced to choose my top 2 to 4 of them and write those people a message.

[TANGENT ALERT!] Do you know someone who gets really, really excited anytime they find out they share their birthday with someone else? Hey idiot! There are about 7.125 billion people in the world, but there’s only 365 days in each year, I think you’re going to share your birthday with a few people. Like million of them. (Also, I get excited about this too, unless it’s a shitty person).

When you think about it, birthdays shouldn’t really be that special. You didn’t do anything to be born. Birthdays are like buttholes, because everyone has one. Even Hitler had a birthday, and a butthole. So, that’s two things you now have in common with Hitler.

If anything we should give our parents gifts on our birthday, like the way Jesus does it. He sends his buddy, Scott Calvin a.k.a. Santa Claus to hand out gifts to everyone (as long as you’re a Cathy). I’m pretty sure this is how Santa got his job:

Hey Jesus! What you gonna do for your birthday?

Uh… I’m gonna give everyone presents!

Everyone?

Yup! Everyone! Well, everyone who believes in me.

Well, you better get started. You got a lot of followers.

I’m not gonna do it myself.

What? Who’s gonna give out presents for your birthday to other people?

Shoot! I’ll have that old dude that lives up North do it.

He’s got those magical deer.

You mean Old Saint Nick!

Yeah, him! What else is he gonna do on my birthday?

We don’t have to give presents to everyone for our birthday, just to our parents (but maybe not, because parents each have their own special day).

Even though birthday’s aren’t really that special I will continue to celebrate yours, mine and ours. And I will continue to post on your walls, text you, call you, Instagram collage you, and whatever new technology comes out. I’ll even WUPHF.com you if I have to. So, happy birthday to me and to everyone else this year.

THE END!