Monthly Archives: November 2020

Lunchables Pizza Tips

Posted on by
2

I’ve been eating Lunchables pizza since they first came out in 1996 (back when I was in middle school). Lunchables Pizza was a game changer when they first arrived on the market. Until then, I believe the only Lunchables variety available were the cracker stackers (Turkey, Ham and Bologna…). Today, we even have grown up Lunchables and tons of strange varieties (including tacos and chicken nuggets).

I’m pretty sure I enjoyed my first few Lunchables Pizzas cold, as they were meant to be enjoyed by the folks at Oscar Mayer. It wasn’t long before I tried microwaving them to melt the cheese and have three hot little pizzas. The internet may think Kylie Jenner made that up, I’ve been doing it since the mid-90s, and she was born in 1997.

The real game changer was when I started baking my Lunchables Pizza in the toaster oven. Nuking them was fine for some little hot pies, but the toaster oven added a bit of a crispiness to the crust. It made the cheese meltier and everything just taste better overall. The toaster oven is better for any frozen “microwave” treats (things like Bagel Bites, Pizza Rolls, Hot Pockets…)

Now, I continue to eat plenty of Lunchables today as a grown up (mainly to try and win a second Nintendo Switch so I can play Splatoon 2 with my wonderful girlfriend, but also way before this contest came around). Back in the normal times, it was a good idea to have some Lunchables in the fridge for when I would come home hungry and need a late night snack. Lunchables Pizza is always quick, easy and delicious.

I will never be too old for Lunchables, and maybe that’s because the way I enjoy them continues to evolve. The point of me writing this was to teach you one thing and one thing only. It’s fine to eat Lunchables (of any kind) as an adult. And here’s how you can take your Lunchables Pizza game from “OK” to “Gourmet!”

STEP ONE: OUTSIDE HELP

There’s only one outside source you need to upgrade your Lunchables Pizza and that’s some “Real Cheese.”

First, we’re going to need to outsource some cheese. And I’m going to help you find the best cheese. Lunchables pizza cheese is ok, but it doesn’t melt quite right (especially in the toaster oven). Don’t toss it though, it’s still going to come in handy.

I like to recruit some Sargento, Kraft or maybe even some fancy Mozzarella di Bufula (I haven’t tried out that last one yet, but I’m excited to now). Sargento makes some real thick shredded cheeses and the mozzarella version is the best for any homemade pizza. So, that’s what I’ve currently been using.

STEP TWO: THE BUILD

This step is very simple, because the ingredients are all ready to go by now. All you have to do to build the ultimate Lunchables mini pizzas is:

(1) Lay down the crusts. If you have a little toaster oven rack it’s nice to raise your crusts off of the pan. If not you can even try putting them straight on the toaster oven rack, although that can lead to a big mess. So, if you don’t have the rack that’s fine, a pan will do.

(2) Slather on that tomato sauce. The sauce packet used to come with a tiny spoon or a little spreader, but I guess times are tough for the Oscar Mayer corporation and they had to stop giving those out. Or, perhaps they are more worried about the environment and didn’t want to supply more plastic for ruining our planet. Thanks for caring, Oscar!

(3) Drop a layer of your “fancy” cheese (the Sargento, Kraft, Bufula or whatever you’ve found). This is the part where you get to gourmet it up with the good stuff. As I said before I have not tried using the super fancy Mozzarella di Bufula, but one day I will and I bet it will be amazing.

(4) Top it with some pepperoni. Lunchables provides a total of nine pepperoni slices. That’s three per pizza, however, I like to eat at least one or two cold. Also, they are very large and round and three pepperoni slices on one of these small pizzas causes a bit of an overlap. They have been known to sometimes give an extra pepperoni slice, but also one or two less. Sometimes I put the pepperoni before step 2 or 3. I’ve had it in all the possible positions: under the sauce, over the sauce and over the cheese.

(5) Sprinkle on that Lunchables cheese. Now that you have all of your ingredients stacked you must be thinking, What about this Oscar Mayer provided cheese? Now’s the time to use it. Sprinkle as much or as little as you want on top of your pizza and you’re ready to stick it in the toaster oven.

STEP THREE: HEAT THE PIZZAS

I like to turn the toaster oven up to somewhere between 350 and 400 degrees for these bad boys. I leave them in until the good cheese and top cheese gets melty. I’d say somewhere between 7-10 minutes.

STEP FOUR: ENJOY YOUR GOURMET LUNCHABLES PIZZA

There you have it, now you’re done and it’s time to enjoy your three tiny delicious hot pies. If you don’t want to go through all of this trouble you can always eat it cold, and still try subbing in some “good” cheese. Also, you can always order some pizza from a real pizza place and enjoy that instead. I think of these as the perfect snack for when you’re craving some pizza but don’t want to order a whole pizza, because you know you will finish the whole thing and feel ashamed of yourself afterward.

I hope you do try to upgrade your Lunchables next time, and if you do please tell me how it went below in the comments. If you have any upgrades or hot tips for any type of Lunchables, I would also like to hear those.

Bowling is Weird(er now)

Posted on by
Reply

Come with me to a magical time. A time before this pandemic. A time where we could freely leave our homes to do things with other people and not be worried about masks, social distancing, being indoors, crowds… (I started writing this learning a few months ago, but never got to finish. And now I have completed it, but have added corrections due to the current situation we all find ourselves in).

___

Bowling always is was a fun thing to do. I don’t go very often, EVER! Up until this past weekend some time in February or March, the only time I’d go bowling was on Christmas day when my friend and his wife were in town. However, this weekend many, many months ago we went bowling with some friends, and it was a pretty fun time. (I call bowling a game and not a sport, because even the Pros drink beer while bowling — that’s still true).

There is however one thing that they can change about bowling will probably be changed whenever it comes back, if it isn’t back already. Any time that you have to share a bowling lane/area with another group of strangers they are always loud and annoying. I don’t think we’re going to be allowed to share bowling areas with strangers anymore, and that’s a great thing.

You always get grouped with a big, loud family, a birthday party full of unsupervised children who are high on cake and pizza or some other obnoxious group. It’s never a quiet old couple or a group you would actually get along with. No matter who you’re paired with in bowling, they are always going to suck.

Bowling would be much better if they treated it like an Asian private karaoke bar (these could still be open during the pandemic). Every lane is a private room and you don’t have to deal with another party or strangers (also a great idea during the COVID times). If bowling were like this everyone could be as loud or annoying as they want to be, to their own group. If the people you were bowling near hated you, it would be because your friends actually hate you.

Also, why is it that no one can ever remember which ball they were rolling with (this will always be a problem in bowling)? Any time you get up to bowl and there’s a mix of two groups, your ball is always missing. You end up trying out every ball on the belt. Why can’t people keep track of their balls? Anytime it’s my turn and my ball is missing, I almost always see the stranger in the next lane rolling it (This is my second time calling it “rolling a bowling ball,” is that really what it’s called?).

Also, these huge groups bring way too many balls to the bowling area. There are always several balls that no one is using that just stay there the entire night (yes, because only psychos go bowling in the day time).

And one more thing, why do bowling shoes look like that? They always have some ugly doo doo brown color mixed in. They have your shoe size in a large font, what if you don’t want people knowing how large your feet are? Do you ask for a smaller size and just deal with it all night?

I guess what I’m saying is Bowling is weird!
And, it’s about to get a lot weirder if it hasn’t already.