Today I learned that this weekend Leo Dicaprio left the club with 20 ladies, so did Dan Bilzerian (who does this pretty much every weekend). The difference between the two is that Dan decided to kick one of his 20 ladies in the face, and that’s not cool. This is why I unfriended Dan Bilzerian on the Instagram (enjoy not seeing my awesome food pictures Dan the lady beater). I suggest that everyone unfollow this trust fund baby, lady beater (I really hope Marky Mark was rude to him on the set of Lone Survivor).

This learning is not about lady beating, because that is not a fun topic. I want to talk more about leaving the club with 20 ladies. Which is just bonkers to me. I wouldn’t know what to do with so many ladies all at once, my brain would explode. Plus, they all must have been smoking hot since Leo is the one who took them home (and he’s an A-list movie star).

Here are a few things I would think to do with 20 smoking hot women: I could take them to an empty field and have my own private lingerie football game for me to enjoy. I could take them to a basketball court and have a four team five-on-five basketball tourney, with myself as the all-time ref. I could even have them play an intense game of dodgeball, kickball, hockey or any other made up sport. I would probably just take them to a lazer tag arena, and have a wild lazer tag game.

I would definitely not be able to take 20 ladies to my apartment. My living area only has room for 10-12 to sit comfortably, with maybe 2-4 to fit in my bed. That’s a total of 16 people, with the other five standing around awkwardly (yes, there are five left you math wiz. 20 ladies + 1 me = 21).

What about transportation for 20 women? You definitely need a Hummer limo or party bus. My X-terra holds 5 comfortably, maybe 7-8 maxed out. Have fun walking the rest of you ladies, at least you’ll have each other to keep you company.

I feel like leaving the club with 5 ladies is already too much. It’s hard enough for me to try to handle one lady. I can’t wait to see a news story about what Leo did all night with all these ladies in his hotel room. Mario Kart? Monopoly? Leo Movie Marathon? Cards Against Humanity? If anyone has any information regarding what went down in that hotel room, please let me know. Also, #LockUpDanBilzerian!